I survived my first 24 hours!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 15
I survived my first 24 hours!
I started using Roxys with my then boyfriend a few years back. It was purely recreational and a quarter of a pill got me blasted (and often sick), but it was, at the time, all in good fun and never an issue as we could go months between use.
Last year my mother suddenly passed away from a massive stroke. A massive and unnecessary legal battle with her longtime boyfriend ensued. The first thing I thought of were those little blue pills that made me warm and fuzzy and not think about the trauma/drama of what was now my life. Again my use was sporadic at best, every few weeks.
In October my best friend took her life. The devastation was incomprehensible. All the coulda/shoulda/wouldas that go through your head on top of the grief is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I dove headlong into the pills as my escape. OC/OP 80's typically one a day, sometimes more. I just want my life back. I've become a slave to pills and that is unacceptable to me.
I tapered down as best I could then went to the Dr. yesterday and got a prescription for Clonidine .1mg he suggested 1 2x/day or if I felt the need I could go to 2. It REALLY seems to help, not having the usual sweats/freezing, RLS, and my anxiety is manageable (I have a scrip for Xanax if I need it). I slept a lot though it was a bit intermittent. I don't want to get my hopes up yet, it's just the beginning...
Sorry for the novel! I guess I had more to get out than I realized!
Last year my mother suddenly passed away from a massive stroke. A massive and unnecessary legal battle with her longtime boyfriend ensued. The first thing I thought of were those little blue pills that made me warm and fuzzy and not think about the trauma/drama of what was now my life. Again my use was sporadic at best, every few weeks.
In October my best friend took her life. The devastation was incomprehensible. All the coulda/shoulda/wouldas that go through your head on top of the grief is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I dove headlong into the pills as my escape. OC/OP 80's typically one a day, sometimes more. I just want my life back. I've become a slave to pills and that is unacceptable to me.
I tapered down as best I could then went to the Dr. yesterday and got a prescription for Clonidine .1mg he suggested 1 2x/day or if I felt the need I could go to 2. It REALLY seems to help, not having the usual sweats/freezing, RLS, and my anxiety is manageable (I have a scrip for Xanax if I need it). I slept a lot though it was a bit intermittent. I don't want to get my hopes up yet, it's just the beginning...
Sorry for the novel! I guess I had more to get out than I realized!
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Originally Posted by Haylee 
I started using Roxys with my then boyfriend a few years back. It was purely recreational and a quarter of a pill got me blasted (and often sick), but it was, at the time, all in good fun and never an issue as we could go months between use.
Last year my mother suddenly passed away from a massive stroke. A massive and unnecessary legal battle with her longtime boyfriend ensued. The first thing I thought of were those little blue pills that made me warm and fuzzy and not think about the trauma/drama of what was now my life. Again my use was sporadic at best, every few weeks.
In October my best friend took her life. The devastation was incomprehensible. All the coulda/shoulda/wouldas that go through your head on top of the grief is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I dove headlong into the pills as my escape. OC/OP 80's typically one a day, sometimes more. I just want my life back. I've become a slave to pills and that is unacceptable to me.
I tapered down as best I could then went to the Dr. yesterday and got a prescription for Clonidine .1mg he suggested 1 2x/day or if I felt the need I could go to 2. It REALLY seems to help, not having the usual sweats/freezing, RLS, and my anxiety is manageable (I have a scrip for Xanax if I need it). I slept a lot though it was a bit intermittent. I don't want to get my hopes up yet, it's just the beginning...
Sorry for the novel! I guess I had more to get out than I realized!
Last year my mother suddenly passed away from a massive stroke. A massive and unnecessary legal battle with her longtime boyfriend ensued. The first thing I thought of were those little blue pills that made me warm and fuzzy and not think about the trauma/drama of what was now my life. Again my use was sporadic at best, every few weeks.
In October my best friend took her life. The devastation was incomprehensible. All the coulda/shoulda/wouldas that go through your head on top of the grief is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I dove headlong into the pills as my escape. OC/OP 80's typically one a day, sometimes more. I just want my life back. I've become a slave to pills and that is unacceptable to me.
I tapered down as best I could then went to the Dr. yesterday and got a prescription for Clonidine .1mg he suggested 1 2x/day or if I felt the need I could go to 2. It REALLY seems to help, not having the usual sweats/freezing, RLS, and my anxiety is manageable (I have a scrip for Xanax if I need it). I slept a lot though it was a bit intermittent. I don't want to get my hopes up yet, it's just the beginning...
Sorry for the novel! I guess I had more to get out than I realized!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 15
I feel scared, that feeling you get just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't feel horrible but I don't feel great. My lower back aches (is that my kidneys? If so they must be pissed). I have invites for celebrating the 4th, none of which I feel like responding to. I just took a double dose of Imodium and can take my next dose of clonidine in 20 min. Debating on taking a Xanax as well.
I'm trying to read to take my mind off of my current situation but I'm a bit restless but the weather is not lending itself to a walk, which if I'm bring honest doesn't sound very enticing in the first place.
I don't want to be weak. I want this so bad. Any suggestions? Encouragement? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
I'm trying to read to take my mind off of my current situation but I'm a bit restless but the weather is not lending itself to a walk, which if I'm bring honest doesn't sound very enticing in the first place.
I don't want to be weak. I want this so bad. Any suggestions? Encouragement? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 480
Hey Haylee - welcome to SR. Lol - Bueller - hang on to that sense of humor!
I didn't go the benzo (e.g. Xanax) route because it's a depressant and I was already so depressed. Plus, I read a whole lot of posts about people trying to kick benzos.
Have you thought about a plan to stay 'clean', as they say? If you're agitated and need support, there are NA meetings, SMART meetings, and quite possibly other 'in-person' help - from other addicts, not counselors who, though helpful, may not 'get it'.
I'm 18 days in and have hung around on these boards A LOT - there's a lot of great support and a plethora of really good information. I started going to meetings for the method that I think will work for me (12 step), lots of exercise helps with the agitation/anxiety, a lot of H20, and try and eat as 'nutrient dense' as you can. A B-Complex vitamin will help the brain as it starts to try and find homeostasis, balance, again.
Keep posting, reaching out....and maybe start thinking about that plan soon....that's all I know so far - hope it helps.
I didn't go the benzo (e.g. Xanax) route because it's a depressant and I was already so depressed. Plus, I read a whole lot of posts about people trying to kick benzos.
Have you thought about a plan to stay 'clean', as they say? If you're agitated and need support, there are NA meetings, SMART meetings, and quite possibly other 'in-person' help - from other addicts, not counselors who, though helpful, may not 'get it'.
I'm 18 days in and have hung around on these boards A LOT - there's a lot of great support and a plethora of really good information. I started going to meetings for the method that I think will work for me (12 step), lots of exercise helps with the agitation/anxiety, a lot of H20, and try and eat as 'nutrient dense' as you can. A B-Complex vitamin will help the brain as it starts to try and find homeostasis, balance, again.
Keep posting, reaching out....and maybe start thinking about that plan soon....that's all I know so far - hope it helps.
I'm glad you joined us.Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 15
Thanks everyone for the warm welcome!!
DylanS: I have looked into support groups and fully intend to find one that makes me feel like I'm meant to be there. I'm no stranger to Alanon/AA as my mother was a recovering alcoholic and I often found myself at a meeting with her. I'm not much of a drinker, maybe a glass of wine here or there or on special occasions (to my mothers delight that I had my head screwed on straight...at least for the moment). I assume since it too is built upon the 12 steps NA is similar just for a different vice. Thank you for your wonderful advice and congratulations on 18 days!!!!
Least: I couldn't agree more with your quotes about dogs. I too am a fervent dog lover and am so glad I have mine with me through this journey to get my life back.
DylanS: I have looked into support groups and fully intend to find one that makes me feel like I'm meant to be there. I'm no stranger to Alanon/AA as my mother was a recovering alcoholic and I often found myself at a meeting with her. I'm not much of a drinker, maybe a glass of wine here or there or on special occasions (to my mothers delight that I had my head screwed on straight...at least for the moment). I assume since it too is built upon the 12 steps NA is similar just for a different vice. Thank you for your wonderful advice and congratulations on 18 days!!!!
Least: I couldn't agree more with your quotes about dogs. I too am a fervent dog lover and am so glad I have mine with me through this journey to get my life back.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Haylee, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother and your best friend. So much grief to deal with.
Good for you for going to your dr and asking for help. I know that you can get through this.
Good for you for going to your dr and asking for help. I know that you can get through this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 15
Thanks Anna! It has been a lot to deal with but I certainly did not choose the right method. Live and learn. This forum has been awesome in keeping my spirits up today and giving me some distraction. One day at a time...I will conquer this!
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