Don't want this life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 453
Don't want this life
Hi,
I'm tired of drinking too much and feeling hungover. I'm tired of saying stupid things while I'm drunk. I'm tired of looking into my children's eyes and feeling like a loser. I am a good person. I am smart, funny, caring, a good mother and wife. I am a good person and this is a bad part of my life and I want it gone.
I don't know why I drink as much as I do. I know that I drink way too much and way to often. I know that I have long-standing anxiety/depression that was made worse by life events in the past 10 years, but I can't even blame that, because I drank like this before that time too.
I've had periods of complete sobriety in the past 14 years that I've been drinking - once for 2 years and twice for 1 year, but aside from that, I can't remember a time when my drinking wasn't out of control.
I'm really unhappy and disappointed in myself, and really hungover today and done with this.
I'm tired of drinking too much and feeling hungover. I'm tired of saying stupid things while I'm drunk. I'm tired of looking into my children's eyes and feeling like a loser. I am a good person. I am smart, funny, caring, a good mother and wife. I am a good person and this is a bad part of my life and I want it gone.
I don't know why I drink as much as I do. I know that I drink way too much and way to often. I know that I have long-standing anxiety/depression that was made worse by life events in the past 10 years, but I can't even blame that, because I drank like this before that time too.
I've had periods of complete sobriety in the past 14 years that I've been drinking - once for 2 years and twice for 1 year, but aside from that, I can't remember a time when my drinking wasn't out of control.
I'm really unhappy and disappointed in myself, and really hungover today and done with this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
Welcome to the forum!
I think it's a good place for finding supporting people and for reading about other people who have had similar issues. Do you have a plan yet for recovery, or just looking around to see what other people have done? (or don't know yet?)
Good job on taking that first step and looking for help.
I think it's a good place for finding supporting people and for reading about other people who have had similar issues. Do you have a plan yet for recovery, or just looking around to see what other people have done? (or don't know yet?)
Good job on taking that first step and looking for help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 453
My plan is to stop drinking! I know that sounds stupid... I tried AA last time I quit and did not find it helpful, so I joined a gym instead and focused on that. Suppose I traded one addiction for another and never really changed my attitude. First time I stopped drinking was with the help of a therapist for other mental health reasons.
This time, I'm taking today and not drinking, and then taking tomorrow and re-investing myself into my life. Start going back to the gym more regularly (have been going for months now, but hangovers got in my way this past few weeks). Start planning non-drinking activities (we had a lot of parties and bbqs now that it's summer, with loads of drinking).
My kids are too important for me to fail. I'm going to start being the role model they deserve. That is my motivation.
Any advice?
This time, I'm taking today and not drinking, and then taking tomorrow and re-investing myself into my life. Start going back to the gym more regularly (have been going for months now, but hangovers got in my way this past few weeks). Start planning non-drinking activities (we had a lot of parties and bbqs now that it's summer, with loads of drinking).
My kids are too important for me to fail. I'm going to start being the role model they deserve. That is my motivation.
Any advice?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 84
It sorta sounds like you're re-doing the plan that didn't work last time.. There are other programs/plans out there besides AA. You were right, your attitude didn't change, and most alcoholics can't find that change and long term sober happiness without a helping hand.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 41
Hi Bebetter and Welcome to SR. I am in the same boat as you, every day is a challenge. Congrats on going 2 years and then a year sober. What were you doing different with your life those times? Possibly try going back to that same mindset/routine.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hello Bebetter, and welcome to SR x
I was just like you 13 months ago. I have 2 wonderful children, a good marriage and so much to be grateful for in my life. But I was trapped in that cycle of anxiety, depression and drinking and just couldn't break free of it. Drinking was a symptom of many underlying issues for me. I had to get sober in order to address them. It has involved making many life changes.
I too got sober primarily for my children. I wanted so much to be the Mother they deserve.
I went to AA and started working the steps with a sponsor. It was doing that rather than just attending meetings that made the difference to me. I only go to 1 meeting a week now because my life is just so full and busy. But it's the working of the principles that is the important thing. I have therapy for my issues, and that is making a huge difference to my mental health. I go to the gym which is helping my physical health and I'm looking to start a course in mindfulness meditation to help with the stress and anxiety that comes with my job. I am no longer depressed.
But without a doubt, it's SR that is at the foundation of all the changes I've made in my life. I log on here every day and I share my stuff with a bunch of people who understand what it is to be an alcoholic, who do not judge, just care and support. This community is incredible and I'm glad you found us x
I wish you well on your journey.
I was just like you 13 months ago. I have 2 wonderful children, a good marriage and so much to be grateful for in my life. But I was trapped in that cycle of anxiety, depression and drinking and just couldn't break free of it. Drinking was a symptom of many underlying issues for me. I had to get sober in order to address them. It has involved making many life changes.
I too got sober primarily for my children. I wanted so much to be the Mother they deserve.
I went to AA and started working the steps with a sponsor. It was doing that rather than just attending meetings that made the difference to me. I only go to 1 meeting a week now because my life is just so full and busy. But it's the working of the principles that is the important thing. I have therapy for my issues, and that is making a huge difference to my mental health. I go to the gym which is helping my physical health and I'm looking to start a course in mindfulness meditation to help with the stress and anxiety that comes with my job. I am no longer depressed.
But without a doubt, it's SR that is at the foundation of all the changes I've made in my life. I log on here every day and I share my stuff with a bunch of people who understand what it is to be an alcoholic, who do not judge, just care and support. This community is incredible and I'm glad you found us x
I wish you well on your journey.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Welcome BeBetter. I think you have a great reason for quitting-your kids deserve a good mom all the time!
Trying to figure out what makes you start to drink can be a good idea, but in my case, it was always a case of not being able to control it. You can always find a reason to drink, or blame it on all kinds of things, but it doesn't do much good. Putting your focus on stopping is more productive.
Look into AVRT, or urge surfing, or Rational Recovery-those methods might appeal to you more. You've done very well in the past, and you can do it again!
Trying to figure out what makes you start to drink can be a good idea, but in my case, it was always a case of not being able to control it. You can always find a reason to drink, or blame it on all kinds of things, but it doesn't do much good. Putting your focus on stopping is more productive.
Look into AVRT, or urge surfing, or Rational Recovery-those methods might appeal to you more. You've done very well in the past, and you can do it again!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 13
I am glad that you believe in yourself and that you can still say positive things about yourself even though you feel like #%*t today. That is the sign of a person who is not completely defeated. I kept saying those same things to myself this morning out loud and then I would say "no I'm not". I've started to lose my trust in myself, I've always been able to do anything I put my mind to except for stop drinking. You have encouraged me to encourage myself - I think that positive thinking makes a big impact on your life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 67
Welcome Bebetter. You can do this. Kids are a very important reason to quit for good.
Know that you are courageous and a good person. Some people never admit to their destructive drinking and it leads to their demise. You have chosen a different path and you will win as long as you get support, work a plan and never forget why it is you came here in the first place.
I believe in you!
Know that you are courageous and a good person. Some people never admit to their destructive drinking and it leads to their demise. You have chosen a different path and you will win as long as you get support, work a plan and never forget why it is you came here in the first place.
I believe in you!
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