Judge wants to Test AH for Alcoholism
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Judge wants to Test AH for Alcoholism
My AH actually filed a few days ago for emergency measures regarding our summer holiday.
He wanted me to fly the children to the US and after getting them through jet lag, bring him to our family home. Then I can't stay there because he lives there, and there's no mention of where I would live? He gets them for a few weeks. Never had them all for even one night be ause until it was a court battle, he had no interest.
Then he flies them to the midwest to stay a week with him and their elderly alcoholic grandparents, who don't like to talk much with children and have a history of driving drunk, kids with or not.
Then I get to take them back across the ocean, where I have unpaid bills from last winter and I've lost 5 weeks potential job search time.
The judge refused the emergency request, but will make a judgement next week determining our summer plans. My (new) lawyer will write something on my behalf in the meantime. I want AH to get a modest place here. Take the children for the day while I get myself a job. Saves $8000 in plane tix and I need a babysitter.
In order to decide whether AH is able to be responsible with the children, he wants AH to have a simple medical test.
There is no medical test for alcoholism. AH will test healthy.
Now if they threw him in detox, maybe they'd see him go through withdrawal? I've seen his shaky hands. I know he can't always make it past midday.
Is there another test you all would suggest i. This situation?
Thank you!
He wanted me to fly the children to the US and after getting them through jet lag, bring him to our family home. Then I can't stay there because he lives there, and there's no mention of where I would live? He gets them for a few weeks. Never had them all for even one night be ause until it was a court battle, he had no interest.
Then he flies them to the midwest to stay a week with him and their elderly alcoholic grandparents, who don't like to talk much with children and have a history of driving drunk, kids with or not.
Then I get to take them back across the ocean, where I have unpaid bills from last winter and I've lost 5 weeks potential job search time.
The judge refused the emergency request, but will make a judgement next week determining our summer plans. My (new) lawyer will write something on my behalf in the meantime. I want AH to get a modest place here. Take the children for the day while I get myself a job. Saves $8000 in plane tix and I need a babysitter.
In order to decide whether AH is able to be responsible with the children, he wants AH to have a simple medical test.
There is no medical test for alcoholism. AH will test healthy.
Now if they threw him in detox, maybe they'd see him go through withdrawal? I've seen his shaky hands. I know he can't always make it past midday.
Is there another test you all would suggest i. This situation?
Thank you!
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AH had himself tested by our family doctor last fall. He's in fine health, including the liver, according to the doctor.
AH brings this medical evidence to everyone to prove to himself and others that he's no alcoholic.
I guess I've been imagining things :/
AH brings this medical evidence to everyone to prove to himself and others that he's no alcoholic.
I guess I've been imagining things :/
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Hi Pippi,
This came up in another thread recently..Are you sure he is telling the truth about what the doctor said? My ex told me the doctor gave him a clean bill of healthy but the whites of his eyes were seriously yellow.
I always thought liver enzymes went up (and down) pretty easily, and that's why they check them regularly when people take drugs like Accutane. If the liver is starting to be stressed by the drug at all, it will show up in the bloodwork. If someone is drinking alcoholically, it seems so incredible to me that it wouldn't be affecting their liver. It makes much more sense that the A is lying. That said, I really don't know.
I wish I could be of more help. You certainly are living a drama. You should write a book about it. It could be your way to make money.
Keep strong
This came up in another thread recently..Are you sure he is telling the truth about what the doctor said? My ex told me the doctor gave him a clean bill of healthy but the whites of his eyes were seriously yellow.
I always thought liver enzymes went up (and down) pretty easily, and that's why they check them regularly when people take drugs like Accutane. If the liver is starting to be stressed by the drug at all, it will show up in the bloodwork. If someone is drinking alcoholically, it seems so incredible to me that it wouldn't be affecting their liver. It makes much more sense that the A is lying. That said, I really don't know.
I wish I could be of more help. You certainly are living a drama. You should write a book about it. It could be your way to make money.
Keep strong
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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I'm confused- the judge wants your AH to have just a general medical exam, or he wants him to have an alcohol screen? Unless your AH took steps to beat the alcohol screen (which it sounds like is possible and maybe even likely), then he could test positive for alcohol. Not sure what the relevance of a general medical exam is...
Good luck with your situation. It sounds incredibly stressful.
Good luck with your situation. It sounds incredibly stressful.
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Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng 
I want AH to get a modest place here. Take the children for the day while I get myself a job. Saves $8000 in plane tix and I need a babysitter.
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This is what the judge writes. He rejects AH's request for an emergency agreement to let him have the children according to the terms I describe above.
He wants both parties to send him all useful information concerning the visitation question. And he especially wants AH to produce a 'medical certificate showing his aptitude or lack thereof to receive the children for visits'.
The book is writing itself. Who could dream up such madness?
He wants both parties to send him all useful information concerning the visitation question. And he especially wants AH to produce a 'medical certificate showing his aptitude or lack thereof to receive the children for visits'.
The book is writing itself. Who could dream up such madness?
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Hm. That's interesting. I know I don't practice family law (and for that I am eternally grateful), and I understand why the judge might want to have an understanding of AH's physical condition, but given the history, I would think the judge would have some concerns about alcohol/substance abuse, and that that would somehow be reflected in his order. Maybe he thinks the medical certificate will show something.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng
This is what the judge writes. He rejects AH's request for an emergency agreement to let him have the children according to the terms I describe above.
He wants both parties to send him all useful information concerning the visitation question. And he especially wants AH to produce a 'medical certificate showing his aptitude or lack thereof to receive the children for visits'.
The book is writing itself. Who could dream up such madness?
He wants both parties to send him all useful information concerning the visitation question. And he especially wants AH to produce a 'medical certificate showing his aptitude or lack thereof to receive the children for visits'.
The book is writing itself. Who could dream up such madness?
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That would be great if something showed up. I'm not counting on it, but who knows?
I have emails from last summer from AH where he admits to being an A, and lots of mails about his attendance in AA, his sponsor at AA, etc.
Maybe his sponsor could be contacted? Don't know how that works.
I have emails from last summer from AH where he admits to being an A, and lots of mails about his attendance in AA, his sponsor at AA, etc.
Maybe his sponsor could be contacted? Don't know how that works.
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Sponsors don't have a "privilege" not to testify, but that would be a truly awful position to put any good member of AA into. It pits them between their conscience to maintain another member's anonymity, and the duty to obey the law.
Please don't consider calling anyone from AA as a witness. All they are trying to do is to help another suffering alcoholic. They don't deserve to get dragged into court to rat someone out.
Please don't consider calling anyone from AA as a witness. All they are trying to do is to help another suffering alcoholic. They don't deserve to get dragged into court to rat someone out.
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I'm not trying to cause anyone trouble, Lexie.
I just want to protect the children.
I don't know AA. I don't know anything about sponsors, either.
No one wants to testify against anyone. But someone's got to stand up for the children. They are innocent and vulnerable. If the court isn't going to take my word as enough evidence, then what?
A mother will find a way to protect her children.
I just want to protect the children.
I don't know AA. I don't know anything about sponsors, either.
No one wants to testify against anyone. But someone's got to stand up for the children. They are innocent and vulnerable. If the court isn't going to take my word as enough evidence, then what?
A mother will find a way to protect her children.
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Well, hurting someone else, who is only trying to help, isn't the answer. And it WOULD harm the other person.
Is there no one in your former social circle familiar enough with his behavior to testify?
Is there no one in your former social circle familiar enough with his behavior to testify?
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My midwife/friend/neighbor knows a lot. She knows AH drove drunk with Our son in the car. She saw AH get violent with me when I was pregnant with our fourth child. She called the police when he was terrifying me.
But she won't testify. She loves him. And she failed to report him when he was violent. She told me if she testifies, she stands to lose her midwifery license.
But she won't testify. She loves him. And she failed to report him when he was violent. She told me if she testifies, she stands to lose her midwifery license.
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AA's primary tradition is anonymity. Nobody is getting drummed out of AA, though, for breaking someone's anonymity. Still, it puts someone ordered to testify in a very upsetting place. Even as a prosecutor, I would hesitate to put someone in that position. Can't say I would NEVER do it, but it is something I would avoid at all costs.
Let me put it in terms you might be able to relate to. Suppose your husband subpoenaed a trusted friend of yours--someone in whom you had confided some potentially embarrassing secret. Suppose this person had PROMISED you it would never go any further--that your secret was absolutely safe with her. But somehow your husband got wind of it and subpoenaed this person to court. There is no privilege--she could go to jail for not testifying. Wouldn't it put that person in a truly horrible dilemma?
Now, you can say you have nothing to hide, and maybe you don't. But a lot of decent people DO have things in their past that they would not want broadcast to the world.
And look at the example of your midwife/friend/neighbor. SHE has information relevant to the case, but you don't want to harm her by putting her in the position of losing her license. It's the same thing. You may not know the sponsor personally, but he is a real person who would feel horribly torn and conflicted if he were put into that position.
Let me put it in terms you might be able to relate to. Suppose your husband subpoenaed a trusted friend of yours--someone in whom you had confided some potentially embarrassing secret. Suppose this person had PROMISED you it would never go any further--that your secret was absolutely safe with her. But somehow your husband got wind of it and subpoenaed this person to court. There is no privilege--she could go to jail for not testifying. Wouldn't it put that person in a truly horrible dilemma?
Now, you can say you have nothing to hide, and maybe you don't. But a lot of decent people DO have things in their past that they would not want broadcast to the world.
And look at the example of your midwife/friend/neighbor. SHE has information relevant to the case, but you don't want to harm her by putting her in the position of losing her license. It's the same thing. You may not know the sponsor personally, but he is a real person who would feel horribly torn and conflicted if he were put into that position.
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And then. What if something were to happen to my children while with AH? He burns down the house with them inside after passing out? He gets into a blackout rage with my 13 year old daughter? He drives drunk like last summer with my boy in the car and this time when he goes over the tracks with the train coming, he doesn't drive out in time?
Aren't we adults able to make these difficult choices for ourselves, about the right course of action? Why would it be my role to have to protect adults from making difficult moral decisions?
Aren't we adults able to make these difficult choices for ourselves, about the right course of action? Why would it be my role to have to protect adults from making difficult moral decisions?
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I haven't given my midwife a pass.
She refused to testify.
I have never known an AA sponsor. A 'drunk' how I would consider them. I have a great deal of respect for what they do.
I also am responsible for four young and innocent people.
She refused to testify.
I have never known an AA sponsor. A 'drunk' how I would consider them. I have a great deal of respect for what they do.
I also am responsible for four young and innocent people.
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Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng
What if something were to happen to my children while with AH? He burns down the house with them inside after passing out? He gets into a blackout rage with my 13 year old daughter? He drives drunk like last summer with my boy in the car and this time when he goes over the tracks with the train coming, he doesn't drive out in time?
I am not understanding your logic.
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