Need advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 28
Need advice
Its friday night, im one month sober. talked to 5 different friends they all invited me out to different places and said they missed seeing me.
But they're all going to be drinking tonight and idk if i'd stay sober going out with them. Should I see if they'll accept the sober me? i've told a couple of them and they think im kidding, it hurts they wont accept the real me. Yet i think they're just fearing if i quit it means they can too and it scares them.
It's been very lonely shutting them all out for the last month. I'm from a small town and its tough, every country song is about drinking. dont know hardly any people who dont drink.
But im tired of napalming my brain and liver. Dragging my ass from hangovers
I just want to have fun and socialize. Any advice from experienced people?
But they're all going to be drinking tonight and idk if i'd stay sober going out with them. Should I see if they'll accept the sober me? i've told a couple of them and they think im kidding, it hurts they wont accept the real me. Yet i think they're just fearing if i quit it means they can too and it scares them.
It's been very lonely shutting them all out for the last month. I'm from a small town and its tough, every country song is about drinking. dont know hardly any people who dont drink.
But im tired of napalming my brain and liver. Dragging my ass from hangovers
I just want to have fun and socialize. Any advice from experienced people?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
It sounds like it's time to make some changes in your life. I know it's not easy, but it might be a good idea.
Is there some kind of volunteer work you could get involved in? It's a great way to meet new people.
Is there some kind of volunteer work you could get involved in? It's a great way to meet new people.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
we truly wish to stay sober
Originally Posted by Brett11 
I just want to have fun and socialize. Any advice from experienced people?
there's a time for most of us in recovery
when we can go out among the partiers a little
but
in early sobriety it's really not recommended
if
we truly wish to stay sober
if and when we do go out it's a must to always remember
if I (we) get feeling or thinking a little of base
maybe entertaining the thought of a drink
best to get out of there ASAP
don't know what happened
it wasn't long and I had a drink in my hand !!
when we can go out among the partiers a little
but
in early sobriety it's really not recommended
if
we truly wish to stay sober
if and when we do go out it's a must to always remember
if I (we) get feeling or thinking a little of base
maybe entertaining the thought of a drink
best to get out of there ASAP
don't know what happened
it wasn't long and I had a drink in my hand !!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I had to change my life Brett cos my life was pretty drink sodden.
So were most of my friends.
I still have fun, but my life is 180 degrees away from what it used to be - but then...
so am I
D
So were most of my friends.
I still have fun, but my life is 180 degrees away from what it used to be - but then...
so am I
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Why not go camping by yourself or with some non drinking friends this weekend? You've got some beautiful country up there in Alberta. Focus on non drinking friends for awhile. Then after a space of time, you may feel more comfortable with your old buddies and they with you. Above all, don't let them influence you to pick up a drink. No friendship is worth that.
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Coquitlam B.C.
Posts: 3,760
hi brett
for what i see that's the way to go.i did told my friends that i was quitting drinking ,next thing i know all stop calling me,but tha's ok this is the life i want .i go to AA meetings and little by little i'm making new friends.is they truely are your friend they will understand and make time to spent time with you with out drinking is not they are not a really good friends.
good luck on your sobriety.
for what i see that's the way to go.i did told my friends that i was quitting drinking ,next thing i know all stop calling me,but tha's ok this is the life i want .i go to AA meetings and little by little i'm making new friends.is they truely are your friend they will understand and make time to spent time with you with out drinking is not they are not a really good friends.
good luck on your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 140
Hey dude,
First of all, massive congratulations on one month - that's a hard month to get through. And Fridays are tough at the beginning.
Are your friends all-day drinkers? Because if not, daytime stuff can be a great way of staying in touch.
I couldn't see my friends at all to start with, and although I can handle going to the pub now and not drinking, I don't really like to. But am a big fan of lunch, and meeting for coffee, and hooking up to go and see a movie.
I definitely don't think you should hang out with drinking friends, but you might find that some of them are fine with doing sober things in the day. I was really surprised to find out that my friends ever WERE sober, and even more surprised to find out that half the time they were only drinking because I was.
Could have saved myself a whole lot of trouble if I'd found that out sooner
xx
First of all, massive congratulations on one month - that's a hard month to get through. And Fridays are tough at the beginning.
Are your friends all-day drinkers? Because if not, daytime stuff can be a great way of staying in touch.
I couldn't see my friends at all to start with, and although I can handle going to the pub now and not drinking, I don't really like to. But am a big fan of lunch, and meeting for coffee, and hooking up to go and see a movie.
I definitely don't think you should hang out with drinking friends, but you might find that some of them are fine with doing sober things in the day. I was really surprised to find out that my friends ever WERE sober, and even more surprised to find out that half the time they were only drinking because I was.
Could have saved myself a whole lot of trouble if I'd found that out sooner
xx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
Brett,
Your avatar picture is a cirrhotic liver, right? I take this to mean that you understand that not drinking is a matter of life and death.
If you can't make your friends understand this, to the point where they realize you are not "kidding," then they are very dangerous to you, in my opinion.
Your avatar picture is a cirrhotic liver, right? I take this to mean that you understand that not drinking is a matter of life and death.
If you can't make your friends understand this, to the point where they realize you are not "kidding," then they are very dangerous to you, in my opinion.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
If you dont' think you can stay sober being with them, then don't go out with them. You are one month in and as hard as it is, we sometimes have to change our friends. I only have 2 friends left. I kept them because they know how important my sobriety is to me. Real friends will be supportive and not put you in situations you don't feel comfortable in.
Don't let your friends become more important than your sobriety. Just my opinion.
Don't let your friends become more important than your sobriety. Just my opinion.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Brett:
Look on your hard won month's sobriety as a priceless asset, an investment in the future. You are starting to rebuild your life, perhaps with what Kipling in his "If" poem referred to as "worn out tools". So guard your recently reconquered territory jealously. Don't let any former "pals" take it away. It's yours now. You're coming back and fighting for every inch, one day at a time. Congratulations and good luck!
W.
Look on your hard won month's sobriety as a priceless asset, an investment in the future. You are starting to rebuild your life, perhaps with what Kipling in his "If" poem referred to as "worn out tools". So guard your recently reconquered territory jealously. Don't let any former "pals" take it away. It's yours now. You're coming back and fighting for every inch, one day at a time. Congratulations and good luck!
W.
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