PippiLngstockng

The judge here ruled that because AH filed for divorce in US in April, now this country can't take on this separation, except in regards to the children.

So the judge revoked the restraining order! And order for child support!

After 5 months and 5 lawyers between us, there's nothing currently on the books at all. The US judge was waiting for a decision here. Both countries are being polite to the other.

In the meantime, nothing for bills, rent food. Are they mad?!

And AH thinks now all is hunkey dorey. I will do his bidding and he wants to pay a fortune in flights so the kiddos can stay with him this summer. Ahem! Money for shoes, dear? Past bills?

Is that an alkie frame of mind? Everything has to conform to his desires. Overlooking fundamental needs of the children so he can have it his way.

Justice is costly and isn't helping one iota. They are all men, These judges. The judge rights that there is no urgency since AH and I already live separately. Clearly, he doesn't have a clue.

I will perservere because one way or another, I need a divorce.

Daughter saw me very shaken yesterday when the news hit. She wrote her father. She sent him an article about the effects of being raised by an alcoholic parent. She told him to not discuss or write back, but to think and to do something about it.

theuncertainty

W o w. How is the order for child support at least not in regards to the children? Rhetorical question, Pippi. I'm so sorry.

Your daughter is amazing! (Goes to show she has an amazing mom, IMO!)

So now that the decision in your country has been set, will the U.S. judge start moving the case along?

lillamy

I'm sorry. I have a friend going through a two-country divorce & custody dispute and her story sounds remarkably similar.

I think the only thing you can do is what she did - adjust your expectations and figure out how you can support yourself, count on nothing from the ex and count on the legal process taking a very long time.

It sucks. Great big gigantic donkey balls. But it is what it is. Justice isn't always served in the legal system. You get decisions. That's all. It's frustrating as hell but there's not an awful lot you can do other than adapt.

DreamsofSerenity

Pippi, I'm so sorry! I don't understand all the legal stuff but it sounds bad.

You are going to be okay though. It might just take some time.

Hugs!!!!

PippiLngstockng

I see my lawyer and a new lawyer for another opinion tomorrow.

Something will have to be determined regarding maintenance, safety, custody and visitation.

We may appeal. And ask for emergency measures again.

This country doesn't seem to get that the US hasn't ruled on anything.

The judge wrote two dozen pages. They get caught up in who should decide what and then make no decisions! Useless!

The good news: children finishing school well this year. Oldest passed in highest level school and can graduate and go on to another high level public school. And received high grades in the local language! Bravo my boy!

So when I look at it, in spite of the madness, the children are doing well. And that's really what matters, isn't it?

wicked

Yes, it is.
And, Pippi, you must be an amazing mom!
I would give you an award if I had one!
What great children, doing their best despite all this legal drama.
Yep, your mom job is pretty great and it shows in your children.

Beth

Justfor1

pippi, if the court is dragging it's feet is it possible for you to get a part time job? Or perhaps going to the Public Aid office? It seems like this court saga could drag on for months or even years because of different countries involved.

PippiLngstockng

I'm working both fronts. Jobs and PA. Not qualified for much because AH has a rather impressive salary, which I hope he isn't just drinking away.

He's pretty happy right now. Thankfully, I am actually not resentful. My friends have been lovely and children, too. Right now, I have what I want. Children, home, this lovely country, summertime, friends, cat, strawberries, community. Today was nice.

Jazzman

I think you would be smart to move back to the marital home but live separate until the divorce is sorted out. Maybe even file for sole use of the marital home.

PippiLngstockng

I don't want to go back, jm. I want to move forward.

LexieCat

Good luck, Pippi! Hope one of your lawyers comes up with a game plan.

lillamy

Not uncommon. I've seen people pass the buck back and forth and back and forth wanting someone else to make the uncomfortable decision.

But WOOT for the kids!!! And you sound like you really are moving forward, in spite of it all! Go you!

ShootingStar1

I agree with Jazzman. Maybe the way forward isn't a straight line, but a zigzag. Going back to the States, especially right now while your kids are out of school for the summer, would let you get a restraining order, custody order, and child support and probably attach his salary for back child support.

Might be worth it.

ShootingStar1

theuncertainty

I completely understand. This man is abusive. My AXH is abusive. There is no way in h-ll I'd voluntarily move closer to him. Especially if I were lucky enough to be able to legally put a few countries between us.

Jazzman

I missed the abusive part. But the same state is moving backwards? Adding an ocean between the two of you must be worth the extra legal hassle.

PippiLngstockng

The ocean is my friend, jm.

So check it out. I hired a new lawyer. Omg.

This is my man.

But wait. First, I met with my usual lawyer. He had talked with AH's lawyer. He advised me to accept AH's proposal that I take them to the US and leave them for 3 weeks with AH in our family house in the middle of nowhere while I have no where to stay. And then the fly to the Midwest to stay one week with their aged alcoholic grandparents (AH's side).

So then I go directly to see this new lawyer. Recommended by my dv counsellor. Now we are getting places! He is appealing this astonishing order from the judge removing support and protection and he is going after an immediate safety/money care package.

He said what I feel. Taking the children to the US right now would be suicide.

Finally, he said my - former - lawyer is good. But he said they detest each other.
Apparently the friendly guy I have been working with is often on the not-so-nice-guy side.

Morale: keep going. Sometimes you have to take a lot of wrong turns before you get it right!

And: keep the faith!

Florence

I have no experience with this, so I'm just sending all the hugs. ALL THE HUGS.

LexieCat

Great--having a lawyer you have confidence in is critical, I think. It's never any guarantee you will win, but at least you feel like someone REALLY has your back, and your best interests at heart.

Good luck, and keep us posted!

PippiLngstockng

I think it's taken me so long because this country goes about law very differently. It has taken me half a year to understand somewhat their legal system.

This time the lawyer doesn't speak English. Strangely, it's better that way.

If nothing else, my domestic challenges have really helped me improve my understanding of the culture and I learn new words and phrases from all the good people here who help me.

lillamy

You go on with yer bad self, girl!!! I'm glad you have a lawyer who's ready to kick you know what and take names!