Lost3000

So my husband is away this week and I'm having a difficult time with it. His absence has me not sleeping well at night, and in the evenings I've been passing time by watching tv and playing solitaire. I know, exciting.

I had someone ask me to dinner yesterday and I turned her down. Now I'm thinking maybe I should have accepted. It's the same ol, I'm feeling down and lonely, but won't do anything about it. It's hard.

This person though, is the one who asked me to be her sponsor, but then flaked out. She travels with her husband a lot, and she never really did the work, never stuck with meeting with me regularly (I think we've met twice!). That's a big reason why I said no.

So maybe I shouldn't take her up on dinner, but maybe I should do something else?? I don't feel like my sobriety is in danger, but then again, maybe others didn't think that either before they drank again.

doggonecarl

My wife was gone for a week. I actually had the tv off for a change. Got caught up on some decluttering, reading, and letter writing. I had my dogs for company. Didn't feel compelled to go anywhere or do anything out of the ordinary.

But this is the time for "me" stuff, Lost. A movie your husband wouldn't watch, shopping, an art gallery opening, dabbling in a new craft. The list is endless. But I think you were wise to pass on the dinner invite.

Enjoy the alone time. I can't imagine your husband wants you moping around the house.

Nonsensical

Speaking for myself, I would find something to do - preferably out of the house. I did most of my drinking at home, hiding my bottles so no one knew how much. Being home alone would just send my AV into overdrive, and I don't need that right now. Let me get a few months of sobriety under my belt first.

Maybe you and flaky could see a movie. That way you're out together, but you really don't have to talk that much.

Lost3000

Thanks for that about the dinner invite. I just didn't feel comfortable dining with her given the circumstance.

I thought about this and realized I am lonely for conversation. So I reached out to another alkie friend with long time sobriety and we are having an early dinner after work.

I have my cat for company, she's awesome and loves hanging with me.

The hardest part is sleeping alone. Every creak in the house freaks me out. And I just don't sleep as well. I thought I'd do all this exercise, but I really just don't wanna!

I did get movies to watch, but then realized that some were ones he'd want to watch! So I think I will do as you say, get some that he wouldn't want to watch. Thanks!

Lost3000

Yeah, I can relate. My husband went out of town last year, when I had about 6 months sobriety, and I spent a lot of time outside of the house. Now I have about 18 months and I'm in a more comfortable place with myself. I drank in the bar and at home, but being at home alone doesn't make me have urges any longer. I have been lucky and no longer have an obsession with booze.

I couldn't see having dinner with "flaky" for a variety of reasons. She asked me to sponsor her, but then keeps drinking. I will always be here if she needs help and wants to do the work to get sober, but I can't hang out with her until that happens.

Dee74

Some good advice here - make the best of things and do some 'you' things Lost

D

hypochondriac

Trust your instincts Lost. It sounds like turning down dinner was a safe bet, and if you are not happy just watching tv in the evenings then do something else. Maybe exercise if your sleep is suffering, or are there any books you want to read? I always saw that as a solitary activity which makes me sleepy. But don't stay alone if you are worried about yourself. You don't have to accept any offer that comes along but there is no reason you can't be proactive and find an activity that you want to do. Maybe going to a new class or a meeting? x

FreeFall

Good time to pamper yourself-take long bubble baths, make food you enjoy that he doesn't, make a surprise for his homecoming...

Maybe a fan for white noise to lull you to sleep?

You're making good choices re your friend if she's still drinking. Better to stick to the socializing with a friend that helps you remain strong.

Lost3000

Well, dinner last night was fun, but strangely tiring. I almost wished I had just stayed home. Sometimes I think I want to be social but then realize I don't. I believe it's all just a part of my new life. This stuff takes TIME!

I am just having the hardest time this week. I feel lonely, sad. Going in to work is a struggle. This morning I left a little late and traffic was so bad I was late to work. I almost cried. I'm really just miserable.

You know how you have hard times and think, wow, if I drank it'd be worse? Well, this time, I think, wow, if I drank this would be easier. Don't get me wrong, drinking is the last thing I want to do, and I know intellectually it'd be the wrong choice, but it would be so much easier just to bliss out than feel pain.

I've tried almost all of the above tricks. Some of it helps, some doesn't. I meant to exercise but did not. Tonight I may either exercise or go straight home for a movie on the couch. That seems to help more than anything. That and food. It's just like when I first quit drinking.

Lost3000

I meant to also say that the food thing worries me because that's how I dealt with early sobriety. I gained a lot of weight, and just these past few months I lost a lot of weight. We went on vacation last week and of course I ate a lot of food (Disney World) and only gained 2 lbs. But this week has been a continuation of that eating. I feel my eating and drinking are linked.

I often ask myself if I'm eating to replace drinking. I know this isn't an eating website, but I suppose the addiction part could fit in.

This week I've told myself, no, you are having a hard time, and you need to be good to yourself. ugh.

hypochondriac

I see my eating and drinking as the same thing too. I lost a lot of weight initially but piled it all back on again. I can definitely see parallels with my drinking habits. I don't know how you are not supposed to do that exactly, except just be aware of it and try not to do it. I have a ton of books on addiction upstairs which cover food as well and I will get round to reading them eventually... I think a massive part of it is just trying to fill a void that probably doesn't need to be filled. My eating habits are compulsive like my drinking was but neither made me happier, but they were a short term distraction from things I wasn't happy about. I think it is important to remember too that it's okay to feel sh;tty sometimes. Everything doesn't have to be sunshine and roses and it is okay to feel lonely and maybe it is okay to cheer ourselves up with short term fixes, as long as we don't neglect the long term ones. Hope you feel better soon x