Is she an alcoholic?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: England
Posts: 2
Is she an alcoholic?
I went on ***** answers as I am concerned about a friend of mine and all the people who answered came back with she's an alcoholic but I'm not too sure, maybe I'm too close or too naïve or just don't understand it all.
Anyway I've always known her to just knock her drinks back when we go out.. You can turn your back for a second and when you look at her again her glass is empty and she's ready to get another one and she does this all night long until she's almost paralytic. She only does this on night's out or when we have the occasional drinking night in.
The problem is for the past 3 weeks/month she been drinking EVERY day and not just one drink more like 10-15+ a day. They normally consist of vodka and she'll sometimes add another alcoholic drink with it. On Wednesday I managed to get her to not have a drink the whole day and the same yesterday but she was moody and very short tempered - she was biting people's heads off over the most trivial of things. That's not like her at all. She told me she had a headache from Wednesday night and today I finally gave in and allowed her to have a drink and she said it made her headache feel better. I had to go and I know for a fact she had more before I left - I should have stayed. I feel bad giving in now, I should have stood my ground.
Is it possible to become an alcoholic so quickly? I always thought it took longer - like years. I'm really worried about her and I don't know what to do, I can't just sit back and watch her drink herself stupid!
We're both 21 and I'm worried if she keeps her drinking up she'll eventually lose her job - I don't think they've noticed yet, they haven't mentioned it to her.
As far as I know I'm the only one who knows about her drinking, she hides it from all around her she either slips away and claims to be going to the toilet and quickly have a drink, drink on her own or slip it in a drink that looks like a non-alcoholic drink or any other way she can think of.
Anyway I've always known her to just knock her drinks back when we go out.. You can turn your back for a second and when you look at her again her glass is empty and she's ready to get another one and she does this all night long until she's almost paralytic. She only does this on night's out or when we have the occasional drinking night in.
The problem is for the past 3 weeks/month she been drinking EVERY day and not just one drink more like 10-15+ a day. They normally consist of vodka and she'll sometimes add another alcoholic drink with it. On Wednesday I managed to get her to not have a drink the whole day and the same yesterday but she was moody and very short tempered - she was biting people's heads off over the most trivial of things. That's not like her at all. She told me she had a headache from Wednesday night and today I finally gave in and allowed her to have a drink and she said it made her headache feel better. I had to go and I know for a fact she had more before I left - I should have stayed. I feel bad giving in now, I should have stood my ground.
Is it possible to become an alcoholic so quickly? I always thought it took longer - like years. I'm really worried about her and I don't know what to do, I can't just sit back and watch her drink herself stupid!
We're both 21 and I'm worried if she keeps her drinking up she'll eventually lose her job - I don't think they've noticed yet, they haven't mentioned it to her.
As far as I know I'm the only one who knows about her drinking, she hides it from all around her she either slips away and claims to be going to the toilet and quickly have a drink, drink on her own or slip it in a drink that looks like a non-alcoholic drink or any other way she can think of.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
I am not an alcoholic myself, but to me, your friend definitely sounds like she has a serious problem. That said, please don't make it your problem. Alcoholism is a contagious disease in the sense that it makes everyone around it sick.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Hi Nicole
I'm from the UK too.
You must be a very good friend to post here and look out for your mate.
Alcoholism can progress very, very fast in some cases.
When we tend to think of alcoholics we think of dirty, drunk, homeless people, lives in total chaos and lost everything.
But those types of people did not turn into that over night.
They did not go from a job, a car, a home, a family, to nothing.
It was a gradual process that got out of control.
There are a number of red flags when you describe her drinking.
Red flags meaning warning signs.
The moodiness when she does not have a drink.
The drinking faster than everyone else.
Often though its not about how much a person drinks that makes them an alcoholic, its what happens when they do drink.
If you only ever have two glasses of wine, for example, but every time you did you blacked out and had a fight then that would indicate you have a problem.
Its when drinking starts to cost you more than money and starts to have an effect on the people around you and who love you.
The things is that she needs to realise she has a problem herself.
She might have to hit rock bottom (lost job, lost relationship, drink and driving) until she realises.
I would expect her to be totally mortified if you brought it up. Then try and say no. Then maybe say 'I'm a binge drinker' as 'alcoholic' is too much of a stigma for her.
Thats my guess.
The definition des not really matter - binge drinker, alcoholic, alcohol abuser whatever - if alcohol is hurting her or the people she loves then it is a problem and the name of what she is doing does not matter really.
Maybe if you talk to her she might realise, maybe not.
I had to realise for myself, despite talks from family and friends.
Its nice that you support her but maybe you need to let her know some of her drinking behaviour is worrying and dangerous and that, while you are here to support and not judge, you will not put up with certain things and will not be able to enjoy her company if it continues. Or that you would rather see her in an environment where alcohol is not available.
I hope this helps you Nicole.
My best
xx
I'm from the UK too.
You must be a very good friend to post here and look out for your mate.
Alcoholism can progress very, very fast in some cases.
When we tend to think of alcoholics we think of dirty, drunk, homeless people, lives in total chaos and lost everything.
But those types of people did not turn into that over night.
They did not go from a job, a car, a home, a family, to nothing.
It was a gradual process that got out of control.
There are a number of red flags when you describe her drinking.
Red flags meaning warning signs.
The moodiness when she does not have a drink.
The drinking faster than everyone else.
Often though its not about how much a person drinks that makes them an alcoholic, its what happens when they do drink.
If you only ever have two glasses of wine, for example, but every time you did you blacked out and had a fight then that would indicate you have a problem.
Its when drinking starts to cost you more than money and starts to have an effect on the people around you and who love you.
The things is that she needs to realise she has a problem herself.
She might have to hit rock bottom (lost job, lost relationship, drink and driving) until she realises.
I would expect her to be totally mortified if you brought it up. Then try and say no. Then maybe say 'I'm a binge drinker' as 'alcoholic' is too much of a stigma for her.
Thats my guess.
The definition des not really matter - binge drinker, alcoholic, alcohol abuser whatever - if alcohol is hurting her or the people she loves then it is a problem and the name of what she is doing does not matter really.
Maybe if you talk to her she might realise, maybe not.
I had to realise for myself, despite talks from family and friends.
Its nice that you support her but maybe you need to let her know some of her drinking behaviour is worrying and dangerous and that, while you are here to support and not judge, you will not put up with certain things and will not be able to enjoy her company if it continues. Or that you would rather see her in an environment where alcohol is not available.
I hope this helps you Nicole.
My best
xx
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sounds like it to me--she is having classic withdrawal symptoms.
It isn't up to you to keep her from drinking. She HAS to drink at this point to feel normal--and it's even possible that quitting abruptly could be dangerous. People sometimes have seizures or even die if they quit without medical supervision.
You can express your concern to her, but don't expect it to change anything. Many people do have to lose a job or have some other drastic consequences before they see what is happening to them.
Incidentally, my first husband was a full-blown alcoholic when I met him at age 18. He got sober at 21, and 33 years later is still sober.
It isn't up to you to keep her from drinking. She HAS to drink at this point to feel normal--and it's even possible that quitting abruptly could be dangerous. People sometimes have seizures or even die if they quit without medical supervision.
You can express your concern to her, but don't expect it to change anything. Many people do have to lose a job or have some other drastic consequences before they see what is happening to them.
Incidentally, my first husband was a full-blown alcoholic when I met him at age 18. He got sober at 21, and 33 years later is still sober.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome Nicole.
I won't say yes or no to your question, but I will share my experience with my long-time best friend.
She wasn't a drinker in high school when the rest of us were experimenting. She wasn't a drinker in her early 20's when we all hit the legal age and were clubbing every weekend.
She began drinking around age 25, and when she started, it was fast! I remember her making me drinks before we'd go out to a club - she said it was to get a buzz without paying for an expensive bar drink. But I would have to dump it out and add more mixer or water...they were about 95% booze.
Fast forward to 35, and she is maintaining her life but starting to slide. I can't go out with her anymore - she drinks herself silly and I carried her out of one too many bars. She drives drunk all the time. And it is beginning to take its toll.
Shortly after her 35th birthday, I confronted her. She was irate, and told me to never speak to her again, that I was "dead" to her. I agreed and said I felt I had outgrown this relationship anyway - we were going down separate life paths at this point. My heavy partying days were over and I wanted a quiet life with my career and my kids being my priority.
She died three weeks after her 40th birthday. Liver failure from severe alcoholism. It was a slow, painful way to die. She left behind a 15yr old son and her entire stunned family of origin. This was last October.
This is the path your friend is facing. I have no regrets saying something to her back then, and I am glad we got a chance to reconnect a bit before she died, but ultimately, these are her choices. Were her choices, I should say. I am still not used to thinking of her in the past tense!
But just know that when (if) you do decide to have the "talk" about her drinking, that you are prepared for the consequences. I was...I couldn't have someone in my life who was living in self destruct mode. But it was painful nonetheless.
You are a good friend for caring enough to ask these tough questions.
Peace,
~T
I won't say yes or no to your question, but I will share my experience with my long-time best friend.
She wasn't a drinker in high school when the rest of us were experimenting. She wasn't a drinker in her early 20's when we all hit the legal age and were clubbing every weekend.
She began drinking around age 25, and when she started, it was fast! I remember her making me drinks before we'd go out to a club - she said it was to get a buzz without paying for an expensive bar drink. But I would have to dump it out and add more mixer or water...they were about 95% booze.
Fast forward to 35, and she is maintaining her life but starting to slide. I can't go out with her anymore - she drinks herself silly and I carried her out of one too many bars. She drives drunk all the time. And it is beginning to take its toll.
Shortly after her 35th birthday, I confronted her. She was irate, and told me to never speak to her again, that I was "dead" to her. I agreed and said I felt I had outgrown this relationship anyway - we were going down separate life paths at this point. My heavy partying days were over and I wanted a quiet life with my career and my kids being my priority.
She died three weeks after her 40th birthday. Liver failure from severe alcoholism. It was a slow, painful way to die. She left behind a 15yr old son and her entire stunned family of origin. This was last October.
This is the path your friend is facing. I have no regrets saying something to her back then, and I am glad we got a chance to reconnect a bit before she died, but ultimately, these are her choices. Were her choices, I should say. I am still not used to thinking of her in the past tense!
But just know that when (if) you do decide to have the "talk" about her drinking, that you are prepared for the consequences. I was...I couldn't have someone in my life who was living in self destruct mode. But it was painful nonetheless.
You are a good friend for caring enough to ask these tough questions.
Peace,
~T
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 70
Hi Nicole,
Welcome to SR. You're a good friend to be posting here.
I agree with all of the above - it certainly sounds like your friend has a problem with alcohol. That being said, it's not for you or I to label her an 'alcoholic'. Only she can do that.
What I will say, however, is that if you stick around here for long enough you'll come to realise that NOTHING people like you or I do can or will help, unless your friend is willing to help herself first.
Cleaning up her messes, trying to prevent her from losing her job (e.g. calling in sick for her), intervening in arguments concerning family/friends/relationships simply perpetuate her drinking problem as she doesn't experience the negative consequences it leads to. I'm not saying you do any of this, it's more a bit if experience to share, both from what's happened in my life, and from many people here at SR.
Remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease that affects everyone - not just the drinker. If your friend genuinely wants help, that's great. If not - that's her own problem, not yours.
Good luck
Welcome to SR. You're a good friend to be posting here.
I agree with all of the above - it certainly sounds like your friend has a problem with alcohol. That being said, it's not for you or I to label her an 'alcoholic'. Only she can do that.
What I will say, however, is that if you stick around here for long enough you'll come to realise that NOTHING people like you or I do can or will help, unless your friend is willing to help herself first.
Cleaning up her messes, trying to prevent her from losing her job (e.g. calling in sick for her), intervening in arguments concerning family/friends/relationships simply perpetuate her drinking problem as she doesn't experience the negative consequences it leads to. I'm not saying you do any of this, it's more a bit if experience to share, both from what's happened in my life, and from many people here at SR.
Remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease that affects everyone - not just the drinker. If your friend genuinely wants help, that's great. If not - that's her own problem, not yours.
Good luck
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