purechaos

Yeah so I know the title might sound contradicting but I believe it to be true. I am a 26 year old mother of twins. I had a tough pregnancy and lots of pain afterwards. I was prescribed every pain killer under the sun to help me get though my days with two growing little ones. I was a "good" drug taker at first. Took everything just as prescribed. Then the desired effects starting wearing off. So they upped my doses and changed my meds. Eventually I realized if they said I needed to take one it really meant I needed three. I always found a way to get more meds from my doctor when I ran out early. Well I realized recently that I had a big problem. Not only do I want another baby (which I will not take anything while pregnant) but my last bottle of 120 percocet 7.5's was gone in 5 days... The day they were gone I convinced my doc that I needed Tramadol for the breakthru pain...120 pills gone in three days. ENough is enough Monday morning I took my last pill... The last few days have been like death. I actually went into the er one night because I felt like I was going to go insane. I have terrible arm and leg twitches, I feel like my skin is crawling, and I feel like I have the worst flu in my life. I never once purchased pills illigally, all my meds were given to me and I never thought this would be so so hard. No one else understands. Day 5 and I still feel like hell... when will this end?????????????

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR x Have you talked to your doc about what's going on? It is very common for these things to happen via prescriptions and I hope that your doc feels a responsibility to find you the appropriate help. You will find a lot of support here x

SNST

Well I certainly understand Pure, it does feel like death, I sympathize with you. Its a hard road, but you should be getting over the physical w/ds at day 5, but then comes the mental unfortunately. Have to talked to your Doctor about your addiction? I didnt, I just went cold turkey by myself. But there is light at the end of this tunnel. Its a crazy roller coaster ride for sure, but you can do it! Im at day 42 and its been up & down for me, of course its different for everyone, but as I was saying you should start to feel better now, the first 4 days where a living hell for me but each day it got better. Keep reading here on SR you will find a ton of support ( its what got me through ) and ask as many questions as you need to, we cant give any kind of medical advise but we can sure give you the support you need an help with any questions you might have

Living

Hello and Welcome. I do not have any knowledge to give you advice on opiate addiction, but I can tell you about addiction in general. It takes no prisoners, it does not discriminate, it will eat you alive, it will divide and destroy families and most of all the end is always the same - Loss of Everything.

I am sad you are going through this. My niece had twins so I understand the difficult pregnancy and caring involved. Some say pain pills should not be prescribed due to abuse. Is that fair? I don't know, but people do misuse and do not follow the orders prescribed. Somewhere along the line you crossed that boundary of the prescribed dosage and chose to add because it made you feel better and able to cope. That was your choice. No guilt from me to you, but you did choose not to follow the prescribed, so it is not ACCIDENTAL.

The most important thing is that you recognize you have a problem. The amount of pills prescribed and the time frame you took them is definitely an issue. You have gone to the ER once (no reason why - hoping for more pills?) and you want another baby. Is your husband aware of your addiction.

I wish you the best and welcome you to SR. Please continue the path to sobriety and reach out to your husband and doctors. Most doctors will prescribe what you ask for and need, but they will eventually see a pattern of abuse. Look at your beautiful twins and think of their future.

You can quit this, you show the desire - I bet you even want outside help. Again, talk with a qualified Doctor, Therapist or Addiction Specialist.

Keep posting and

purechaos

I know its my fault... Just to clarify when I went into the ER I was open and honest and told them under no circumstance to give me any type of pain killer. They gave me something that was supposed to help with the creepy crawlers and nerve sensations and a small script for anxiety meds. My doctor is aware that I quit cold turkey on Monday she is not aware of the fact that I took all my pills in such a short amount of time. My husband is also semi-aware of the issue. He knows I have a problem with pills but not to the extent. I know I need support from people who know what I am going through... and it is encouraging to hear that this physical nonsense should be over soon.... I am not holding my breath. Thanks for the responses!

purechaos

SNST can I ask what you were taking and how much? When will I get some energy back...I am feeling like a waste of life.

Anna

Addiction is often something that sneaks up on us. We don't usually see it coming. Your dr was obviously prescribing too many pills, but you were not taking them as prescribed. I think it's important that you look at your part in this addiction. I think that step one in recovering is accepting your responsibility. I hope that you are honest with your husband and with your dr about what has happened. There is lots of hope that you can recover from this and we are here to support you.

Midlifecrisis

I know what it's like to be addicted to meds. It's awful. I also know what it's like to b addicted to street drugs. I'm the same addict now as I was then.

I really believe that nearly everyone is an accidental addict. I am very sure that most of the population doesn't say 'oh I think I'll become and addict when I grow up. It just happens and while the drugs are different, we all share something in common and that is addiction.

I also think you need to look at your part.

I wish you the best of luck with your withdrawals and keep posting for support.

SNST

Purechaos, I was taking around 200 mg a day some days a little less, either oxycodone or Hydrocodone, it didnt matter to me which one as long as I had pain pills. And I had been doing that for about 6 or 7 years, I kind of lost track of the years honestly.

Living

Hello MLC - glad to see you put your face back on your post. It gives me a real person to identify with. You know I care deeply about you and your recovery. I am so happy to see you reaching out to Purechaos. You have a lot of knowledge and wisdom to give.

Now on my very little knowledge - nothing is accidental. I personally did not drive by a store and accidentally stop and bought wine or vodka. No - I did it with full knowledge and aware of the outcome. I myself chose to stop and purchase the poison I was putting in to my body. My fault and mine alone. I am paying for it daily, but I am coming out ahead. More money in my pocket, a happy family and piece of mind. I win today and hopefully forever.

Pain pill addiction. Same as I have stated before. Pain pills are a necessity in a lot of cases, but when "WE" choose to take more than what is prescribed, we cross the line willingly. I hate the thought that all people in pain might be denied what is necessary because of Doctors fears of abuse.

Purechaos - you can beat this. Do what is best for you, talk honestly with your husband and Doctor. You did not want to become addicted, just like I did not want to become an alcoholic, we just crossed the boundaries.

Stay strong and keep posting.

sugarbear1

be completely honest with your doctor and ask about proper detoxing

purechaos

I know its my fault...

Midlifecrisis

Well done getting to day 5. It if was opiates you were on and no Benzos you should have been through the worst of it now and be on the homestretch. Keep it up, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Anna

Be very proud of yourself for getting to Day 5!

I know you can get through this and we are here to support you.

purechaos

Thank you all, I feel so alone in all of this.. My family is aware that I am in withdrawal but they have no idea how terrible it all is. I have never experienced something so aweful. I finally have a bit of an appetite today and I am hoping that is a good sign.. I haven't eaten much of anything in the last 5 days. I just keep reminding myself that it HAS to get better.

Living

PC - you can and will do it. You have the resource here on SR. This a great board and people are compassionate but they will give you an honest responses on their own addictions and outcomes. Sometimes it is hard to read, but it will help in the long run.

Congrats on your sobriety. Everyday is a victory.

Nighthawk8820

Well, you taking more than what was prescribed was no accident. No one who has an addiction plans on being an addict, or no one would pick up that first drink in the first place (or drugs, or pills, etc). Do you think when I was 17 and me and my best friend at that time stole a bottle of Malibu from her mom's cupboard that I planned on someday being an out of control addict? Nope, lol. I guess we are all accidental addicts.

FeenixxRising

I'm not sure I agree with you Purechaos. I suspect your Doctor or Doctors also share in the blame.

purechaos

Day 6 and I woke up feeling "ok" I actually ate some breakfast which I haven't done in a week. I still feel a bit shakey but I am trying to convince myself that its because the lack of nutrition this past week. I took my last Valium last night and my last Clonidine this morning when I woke up.... now its all up to me. Its the insomnia and the stupid crazy muscle twitches that drive me insane... They make me feel like a crazy person. Hoping 6 days is enough to make them go away. I think the worse part in all of this is, I am in actual pain..terrible pain, and I have been since this all started. Problem is the only way to get rid of the pain is surgery and I can't have the surgery until I am done having babies. Hence all the pills to begin with. Hoping today is a better day...I keep telling myself it can't get any worse....I hope.

DG0409

I can assure you that none of us woke up one day decided, "Today, I'm going to make myself a drug addict. THAT sounds like a GREAT life!!"

However, many of us have woken up as addicts one day and decided, "Today I am going to make myself sober. THAT sounds like a GREAT life!"

(Well, day 1 we normally don't sound so positive about life sober, but you get the point.)

Welcome, and way to go on day 6!! Glad to hear you got a little breakfast, eat as much as you can, and drink lots of water.