chelsearae

I've been with my boyfriend now for almost 2 years. Things rushed by pretty fast. We started out as friends, then my roomates asked if I knew anyone who would take the spare bedroom and Bobby did. We ended up spending every minute together and evenutally became a couple.

Things are great, from an outsiders point of view. We have fun, go on dates, laugh together every day of our lives and both have great jobs (we have both been promoted in the last month so many blessings have happened).

We also experienced the bad. We found out our roomates never informed the landlord we were living there, and they were basically using our rent as theirs. They were fed up with a lovey-dovey couple hanging around a frat house all day and basically lied to the landlord that we never paid rent. Long story short, the landlord tried to change the locks, police were involved, & we had to go to court for eviction. Luckily we received a non-court order eviction meaning nothing was on record if we would get out in 30 days. We faced homelessness and slept on family members couches, basement, floors, ect.

Before this, Bobby & I drank from time to time. We went out on weekends and had fun. Then it came to point that it was needed everyday. He would drink a 5th a day and sometimes became out of control mentally, emotional, & on a few occasions physically abusing me.

We ended up finding and apartment and a week later he was in jail. Luckily he got out the next day, but had to do 4 months of anger management & it really seemed to help. He was able to classify his thoughts and was learning many things at his classes.

But theres always that time when he turns to alcohol. It's a new excuse everday "I worked", "I was off", "I'm tired", "I need energy". Everything is an excuse to drink

It seems that here & there, Bobby will stop drinking but he will always go back! No matter how much i beg, plead, cry, yell, pray nothing is working. He finally is out of the "angry alcoholic" stage and now just needs the liquor to stop the shakes. Both of his parents passed away due to drugs and alcohol. His mom drank a large amount everyday and then one day decided to quit. She went into a coma and died 2 weeks later. Bobby knows the risk but I just don't know what else I can do to let him see that we are always moving 2 steps back when he drinks?

How can I help my boyfriend. I don't want this to end because it is literally (almost) perfect. I love this guy & I'm all he has! I want to help him become the man I know he is capable of. I have no plans of leaving Bobby but I want to know how I can help, because begging, crying, & pleading is not working and I'm running out of energy.

doggonecarl

Sorry for what brings you to Sober Recovery.

I know you aren't going to want to hear this, but there is nothing you can do to make your boyfriend quit drinking if he doesn't want to. And if he's alcoholic, he probably can't...not without help. And not help from you. Help in the form of a formal recovery program.

The only person you can help is yourself.

You describe your relationship as almost perfect. I had to read your post twice thinking I missed the perfect part. A relationship with an active addict or alcoholic is far from perfect and is likely to get worse. You have to decide if you want to stick around for that.

Anna

The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself. AlAnon can be a support for you.

GracieLou

I did these three things, they did not stop me from drinking. In other words none of those or anything else along those lines is going to get an alcoholic to stop, not even if the alcoholic does them.

The only thing that got me to stop was first I had to admit I was an alcoholic, second to reach out and ask for help and the third was to accept that help.

visch1

I would run to AlAnon and become absorbed in it. The person who is drinking has to want to stop and work at it on a constant basis. Being with an alcoholic is extremely difficult and can be very depressing. Many of us have to learn and practice acceptance of things we don't want to hear. BE WELL

honeypig

It is going to be hard to hear, but you are NOT all he has. He has his addiction, and sad to say, it will trump YOU every single time (as it has so far, if you look honestly at things...).

I'd like to suggest that you do some reading and posting in this section of the forum Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information .
Check out the stickied items at the top of the page, too.

And I would strongly agree w/those who told you to get to an Alanon meeting as soon as possible. You will learn a lot there and find a lot of support. You are not alone. Please take the time to educate yourself before using up any more energy on what is a futile task--trying to control the drinking of your alcoholic.

Hoping you find some peace and clarity today, even if only for a bit.

chelsearae

Thanks for all of your friendly posts and advice. I am going to look for an alanon meeting for myself. thanks to everyone for posting!