Rennet

I've been sober for 8-9 days, starting in complete isolation in a foreign country. Coming back now I can't just lock myself in a room and be sober I need to deal with real life.

I jut returned home and a family member stocked their fridge with beer for my return. Today is a birthday party for one of my parents, where the family will go out to a restaurant and drink some beer.

I've made the decision to make recovery my #1 priority. But already I can tell I will need to manage outside pressures and put them to the side.

For example I am fine not drinking. But the beer in the fridge has tempted me and I will throw it out. The idea of going out with people drinking scares me this early on and I will not go. What they think I don't care--sobriety comes first. I know in an atmosphere of comfort, with people that raised me, them drinking will make drinking seem much more acceptable and ok for me. And I could relapse.

Anyway I was fortunate not to have to deal with this during the first week. What kind of social barriers do you have now that you quit drinking? Or which did you have but no longer do? i.e. my not wanting to go out to dinner with family because they all drink.

ScottFromWI

I try to stay away from bars or events specifically designated just for drinking, but I still go to events and places where drinking takes place ( restaurants, work receptions, weddings, etc. ). I found very quickly that the only one who had a concern about whether I was drinking or not was me. It's really a non-issue for those around you contrary to what i feared/thought.

Rennet

It's not so much what others think but how I will act. The last time I relapsed it was a family event where I swore going in I wouldn't drink. Then there I am, feeling comfortable around family 'just having a beer'

Anna

Congratulations on your sobriety!

I am glad that you are giving your recovery priority. That's the right thing to do. We keep no alcohol in our house nor do we ever serve alcohol in our house. It took me a long time to be comfortable around people who were drinking. It was probably about 10 months or so.

My advice is follow your gut feeling. You know you are vulnerable and it doesn't matter a bit what your family or friends think about it. My life depended on me not drinking so I had to take it seriously.

Nuudawn

You know I've tried to quit drinking countless times in countless ways. I'm on Day 5 and I simply don't possess all the **** and vinegar of prior quits. I just want to real bad. I poured out two beers lingering in my fridge a few hours ago. Wine is my poison so I wasn't overly concerned with the beers...did it anyway and it felt so weird.
I don't want to be one of those hard ass uncomfortable to be around non-drinkers..I just don't want to drink anymore. It hasn't solved any of my problems..only created them. I have left so much life uncharted because I have chosen to drink rather than pursue alternatives or deal with my discomfort or anxiety in social or other situations. I went to an event last night that was supposedly all about the drinking..it was a big party to kick off summer tourist season. The organizer was a tad disappointed at how many people weren't drinking (as was I actually..as last week I would have been hammered). There were only two sad women babbling about the party..hugging everyone, repeating themselves and generally being ridiculous. Yup..that could've been me...could still be me someday if I don't change. If I don't change....

neferkamichael

Rennet, 8-9 days sober? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. You've made recovery your #1 priority, so I would tell everyone who is important to you what you are doing. Some are going to accept it, some are not. Rootin for ya.

ElegantlyWasted

Congrats and be strong. Ignore the haters (they're not intentionally hatin') find some people who think its cool that you're not drinking and channel their energy

And if you need to being a hermit for a while its more than OK. I've been in semi-reclusion for about a month and am only now feeling like I have the strength/mojo to go forth.

FamilyMan2153

So you know this does not work for you right now so don't do it. I stayed away from these kinds of situations and the people who went were very understanding. Like Anna it was life or death so I knew what I had to do. It does get much easier so give yourself a break. As they say, "if you hang around in a barber shop long enough you are going to get a haircut". I go into those situations having a plan as well. My wife is great about it. If I feel uncomfortable, we leave. It has not happened yet but it is a good feeling I know I have a plan. Also make sure you talk about it. Tell somebody when you feel like drinking. It helps.

Rennet

Thanks. Yea I should, I will be telling people I'm not drinking. Don't really have a choice. My brother especially is going to be calling me all summer to do things.. he does it to get me out of the house (he has a much wider circle of friends, all drinkers) so I appreciate it but this summer he'll need to know why I'm saying no every day. Because he will hassle me to do things (again, heart is in the right place, trying to get me out of the house)

Rennet

Seems to be the sentiment. It's ok to be a bit rude (at least from the perspective of outsiders.. I am skipping my dad's birthday after all), my recovery comes first for me. Learning how to manage these situations is a more advanced step of recovery I can approach later on.

ScottFromWI

If you don't feel comfortable yet then i'd probably recommend not going until you do. Did you think you drank at the event just to fit in and appease/fool those around you or did you drink because you really wanted the drink for yourself? At some point you'll eventually need to go back out into life of course, so the real key is figuring out what the actual motivation is to drink and work on that.

Michael66

Well done Rennet.

The only thing I avoid now is going to bars where people are meeting just to drink. I was mire cautious to begin with, avoiding restaurants for 4 months or so, just to be on the safe side. Also when we entertain family there is not usually alcohol but that's not totally rigid.

Rennet

I really didn't want to drink on the drive over. It was a shockingly easy period of sobriety for me, so overconfidence was probably there too. But once I was there, and everyone was grabbing a beer.. I am the youngest in the family so these are people I've always looked up to. We always drink beer at family events (yes others in my family are closet alcoholics). Some feeling of inevitability kicked in and I grabbed a beer to feel normal.

That isn't to say I didn't want the beer, and didn't enjoy it. But had I been alone that night there is no way I would have drank. Instead that one night lead to another two months of binging before I quit again.

hypochondriac

It sounds like you're on the right track Rennet. I went to quite a few drinking events early in my sobriety because I didn't realise I could just say no. It was tough and it took a while before I was okay and not on edge around alcohol. Now it doesn't bother me so much but I still avoid drinking occasions because it's boring talking to drunk people. If I have to go out I always have an escape plan so I can leave early.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Rennet. Congrats on 9 days of sobriety and making it #1 priority.

Sobriety IS real life, it's not versus real life.

As for social activities, if going out may be temptation for you, it's better to stay away from "drinking events" in early sobriety.

It's important to protect your sobriety now, while it's still fragile. It will save your health and your life.

Best luck to you.

Rennet

I word it that way because when I quit I was off in la-la land, in a foreign country with no responsibilities indefinitely. It was easy just to lock myself up in a hotel room, turn on the TV and white knuckle it to start.

Now I'm back and people have expectations from me, I still just want to be left alone because isolation was working to get me the first few weeks I'd like to start. Sort of wish I'd stayed longer.. rented a bungalow on the beach and given it another month. Oh well. The U.S. is much more expensive so I'm dealing with financial pressure, getting a job, an apartment, car, bla bla bla I'm strangely not stressed by any of it because I'm still sober. As long as I'm sober I'm successful.

SereneEdition

Hi Rennet -

Congrats on knowing what works for you. Perhaps you can bring the 'vacation' home with you by doing a 'staycation'. Meaning - that you can set expectations with yourself & your family that even though you're at home, you felt so good while on vacation by taking some solo time and not drinking you're going to do another round of 'vacation behavior' only at home.

That framing might help create the space at home to both continue the sober mindset & work with social obligations as you transition back in.

Congrats & Welcome Home!

Nighthawk8820

Wow, what a super supportive family member(insert sarcasm here)! Your head is in the right place though. There is no reason this early on to put yourself in any situation you arent comfortable with. This is your life at stake and I think people forget this. You are fighting for a better you, and there is nothing more worth fighting for than that, in my opinion.

Its hard being back in the real world, but you can do it and day by day you get stronger and build up momentum. Congrats on your sober time thus far, I wish you the best of luck and happiness.

For me, I had to unfortunately cut a lot of people out of my life. Either they weren't supportive, couldn't be happy for me with the changes I was making, or caused unneeded drama that I wasn't in the mood to deal with. Anything that diverted me from my goal of sobriety and a better life had to go, no apologies. I started by cleaning out my facebook friend list, then I slowly distanced myself from toxic friends in real life. I spend a lot of time alone, but Im okay with me now, so its not that bad.

PaperDolls

Although I can relate to what you're saying here my first thought at reading the title of this thread ..... my sober life IS my real life. They aren't two different things.


Congrats on your sober time!!