Day 2. A new way of thinking this time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: England
Posts: 53
Day 2. A new way of thinking this time.
Thanks to the people on this forum I have been reading your stories and thinking of a plan as to how I can change my life.
In ten years, the longest I have not drank alcohol is for one month. I have managed to get to two weeks a couple of times. And then it occurred to me: I have never known myself as an adult, alcohol free. I was 14 when I started drinking 2 litres of cheap cider 3-4 times a week. This was normal amongst my friends - it was even normal at 18, 19. But now at 24, my friends don't have this behaviour. They have 1 or 2 drinks and stop. But I am still drinking in excessive amounts. I drink everyday. It might be two beers, but usually it is more like 7 pints. I drink with them, I drink alone. I drink at lunch. I black out most times I drink. I seem to be getting drunker easier, too. I am not sure if this is because I am consuming quicker, or that if it is a sign perhaps my liver is not coping with it as it once did. I do not love, or even like myself.
I do not know what my brain functions like without alcohol. After two weeks, I start to feel hopeful, less depressed, more energetic. But then I get almost little "snapshots" of my favourite beers in my head and think... I'll just have one. Of course it was never going to be just one.
I began drinking because I was very shy. I still can be. But actually - I think this is a safety net I use, an excuse to drink. Because now, sober, I am not as shy as I was. Maybe I am not as outgoing as I am after a drink or two, but also I am not falling over and hurting myself. So maybe people might quite like to talk to a quieter, intelligent person than someone off their head with too many loud opinions. I know I would.
So I am challenging myself to see not drinking as not a negative thing. But as a positive thing. To know myself without the drink, to be confident, to do well at university. To be kinder to others. To save money and do nice things, like travel more. To treat my body better - it has been through a lot, the bruises, the cutting, the drugs, the smoking (that I hate unless drunk?).
I have looked at AVRT. I am going to try AA, too. I need to visit here everyday - last time I tried to give up I used to read the forums on my phone on the bus to work, and the day I forgot, the next day I was drinking again. I want to join the gym, get some endorphins going, lose the weight the booze piled on. I am excited to have more time for reading. For art. For cooking. For anything more than waking up with a pounding head and a sinking feeling.
Sorry for the rambling but I know that I need to stop keeping it all in if it is ever going to change.
In ten years, the longest I have not drank alcohol is for one month. I have managed to get to two weeks a couple of times. And then it occurred to me: I have never known myself as an adult, alcohol free. I was 14 when I started drinking 2 litres of cheap cider 3-4 times a week. This was normal amongst my friends - it was even normal at 18, 19. But now at 24, my friends don't have this behaviour. They have 1 or 2 drinks and stop. But I am still drinking in excessive amounts. I drink everyday. It might be two beers, but usually it is more like 7 pints. I drink with them, I drink alone. I drink at lunch. I black out most times I drink. I seem to be getting drunker easier, too. I am not sure if this is because I am consuming quicker, or that if it is a sign perhaps my liver is not coping with it as it once did. I do not love, or even like myself.
I do not know what my brain functions like without alcohol. After two weeks, I start to feel hopeful, less depressed, more energetic. But then I get almost little "snapshots" of my favourite beers in my head and think... I'll just have one. Of course it was never going to be just one.
I began drinking because I was very shy. I still can be. But actually - I think this is a safety net I use, an excuse to drink. Because now, sober, I am not as shy as I was. Maybe I am not as outgoing as I am after a drink or two, but also I am not falling over and hurting myself. So maybe people might quite like to talk to a quieter, intelligent person than someone off their head with too many loud opinions. I know I would.
So I am challenging myself to see not drinking as not a negative thing. But as a positive thing. To know myself without the drink, to be confident, to do well at university. To be kinder to others. To save money and do nice things, like travel more. To treat my body better - it has been through a lot, the bruises, the cutting, the drugs, the smoking (that I hate unless drunk?).
I have looked at AVRT. I am going to try AA, too. I need to visit here everyday - last time I tried to give up I used to read the forums on my phone on the bus to work, and the day I forgot, the next day I was drinking again. I want to join the gym, get some endorphins going, lose the weight the booze piled on. I am excited to have more time for reading. For art. For cooking. For anything more than waking up with a pounding head and a sinking feeling.
Sorry for the rambling but I know that I need to stop keeping it all in if it is ever going to change.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 291
So glad you posted! You have the right mindset for the road to sobriety. You have set goals and have a desire to be alcohol free, which is awesome. Please get support, maybe go to an AA meeting and listen. Check out a couple of different one's to see how they operate.
Good luck and keep posting.
Good luck and keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Congratulations on your insight. A major problem with us, people who overindulge, is being honest with ourselves about what's happening. After the withdrawal from alcohol, it varies with the individual, our thinking process gives us messages that are not healthy for us, this is where AA and these forums can be a big help, if we let them. It's a long process but does get easier if we let it and stop fighting the fact that the first drink gets us drunk. BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: London
Posts: 122
Sounds like a good plan. I use avrt, and it does work, and does help a lot of people. BUT, I found I kept making the choice to break the big plan. But AVRT does help 99% of the time to identify that THE voice that says lets have a drink, or you deserve one today, etc is NOT your/my voice. It is the goblins, beasts, monkey, whatever you call it and being able to tell the difference helps you to ignore its pleas and negotiations. I started AA too about 6 weeks ago and that also helps me a lot. I think every tool in the tool bag is useful to some or all people, some or all of the time The two schools of thought fell out I believe, but that doesn't mean I or you or anyone cant use them both and any other tool too.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
