TM75

After 15 days of sobriety, I gave in to my cravings and decided I could have two cans a night. What a mistake! Bought an 8 pack 2 days ago, drank them one after another, then needed more so straight back on the vodka.

Result - 2 days in and I'm on 2 bottles of vodka (four half bottles hidden strategically round the garden). I'm right back to my old ways. Lying, deceiving and pretending I'm ill so I can lie in bed and no-one sees me.

Conclusion -

a) Those who matter KNOW. The sadness in their eyes tell me.
b) I felt better temporarily but the guilt then set in.
c) I can never drink again - one leads to another............. and another..... and another.

I can never control alcohol. It controls me. Yet I'm going to change - I must do or it'll kill me.

2granddaughters

AA was the only thing that got me sober and keeps me sober.

All the best.

Bob R

Anna

Oh yes, it usually turns out that way. I'm glad you're back and working on recovery.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. What can you learn from this experience so it won't happen next time.

Rennet

It's funny because it's so predictable. I just did the exact same thing in November. Drank a few beers at a Thanksgiving party then had a couple per night, until buying a fifth of whiskey just to 'try the taste.' Within a week I was back on schedule.

The good news is you will learn from this, I know I did, sometimes it just takes making mistakes to get the lesson.

Good luck to you, making it 15 days shows real willpower to get through those initial cravings. If you can pull it together now it is probably easier to start again than it would be after a longer period of binging. You might not be able to control it but you can get rid of it.

least

I went thru that countless times. I finally learned that I can't have any at all. My life is so much simpler sober.

MWL1983

I've done that so many times at this point. Like Bob, AA is the only thing that's worked for me. When I say that, I mean that I have 32 glorious days of sobriety.

Here's what was advised of me by my AA sponsor (old timer with 20+ years and a life that I want for myself).

Daily activities

1.) Pray and meditate EVERY day (I'm atheist, but I abide and it makes me feel better).
2.) Go to a meeting
3.) Pick up the phone and call 3 other alcoholics
4.) Read out of the big book
5.) Call my sponsor.
6.) Service commitment responsibilities at a meeting

I've been in AA for almost 2 years, and I'm finally taking suggestions and doing everything that's recommended. I've had longer sober, but never better time sober. By doing these things for as many days as I have sober, the obsession of the mind has been relieved and something bigger than me is working in my life. I cannot explain why, only that it is working.

It says in our book, "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path." That sentence provides me with reassurance. I'm unlikely to fail if I diligently follow in the footsteps of those before me. Simply put, am I or am I not doing what's recommended of me? If not, I'm straying from the path and likely to get lost if don't get back on quick. If am doing those things, I am on the path to recovery and sobriety. Sometimes, I have no idea where or what the path is, and then I ask my sponsor or a trusted friend.

Nighthawk8820

The trick is to never say never, lol. If you start out on your road to sobriety saying "I will never drink again", you are setting yourself up for failure. So many people start out doing this, but let me tell you, the idea of never is often too much to handle. Say you wont drink TODAY and do that daily until you build up some solid momentum. Before you know it, the days turn to months, then to years. An addicts brain plays many, many tricks..........so keep your guard up, never get too comfortable, and dont start out by saying never to anything. Thats my 2 cents anyway.

Torso

oh TM75 our stories are so strikingly similar.....

isn't it awful.... going to the shop and asking for 2 half bottles so you can hide them easier.... urgh

I've sobered up now, I guess all we can do is be a better sober person and not wallow too much on what we've done.

weldmast

I,m a 51 yo male and a reformed alcoholic, last drink 13 years ago, and I don't miss it or regret a moment of it. I decided to try to help others which is why I joined this forum. If one person benefited that would be fantastic.
Most of all, I'd like to spread a message of hope to any sufferer that it is possible to win through, and that it is possible to have a life that doesn't revolve round a few glasses of scotch.

Hevyn

Hi TM. I'm glad you posted about what happened.

Yes, I've been there too. Desperate to not let go of it - but why? It brought me nothing but misery. The fun drinking days were long gone, and never coming back. I have no idea why I clung to it - but it was stealing my spirit - threatening my life & relationships. I'm glad you've finally realized there's no control once that first drink hits your system. It's so much easier to just ban it from your life than to try & control it. You'll be free, and life will be good again.

Hevyn

weldmast - Thank you for joining & for your supportive post. Glad to have you with us - congratulations on your 13 sober years.

weldmast

Exactly my experience. It was hour by hour, then 1/2 day by 1/2 day, then a full day, a weekend, a month and so on. But I know, that even after many years sober, that if I took one, I'd go straight back. I like to quote a doctor who treated the footballer George Best until he died "The only choice an alcoholic has is not to take the first drink." How true that is!
Regards
George Carman