Bellachong

He is a charming handsome and sweet guy that every girl likes. Everyone seems to think of him as a great guy and nobody knows what he is capable of when he is drunk and behind closed doors, except for his exes. He has changed more than 10 exes till now.

Things he had done when he was drunk for the past 2 years that we were together:

- threw things at me
- pulled my hair
- shoved and pushed me
- held me up and threw me to the bed
- choked me
- held my hands extremely tight together
- carried me near to the windows of his apartment and threaten to throw me down
- threaten to kill me and say nobody would find out or help me
- attempted to use knife to hurt my face so that nobody will like me according to him
- call me bitch, ***** and old *****
- scold me stupid and useless
- blame all his shortcomings on me, I would be the causes of everything he did inappropriately
- threw my personal belongings out of his condo and left me stranded outside
- smashed my cells twice just because he thought I had called other guys


When he is angry about something but not drunk:

- threaten to ask people to follow me privately and said that he will kill me if he found out if I am meeting any guy friends
- threaten to kill my whole family


He acts very humble in front of people who he thinks are higher ranking than him, and acts very snobbish and sacarstic to people he thinks are below his status.

He always think that me and my group of friends are below his status and always talk badly about them.

These past few months he had gotten better because I changed him to be better according to him, but he still fall for another new girl.

He broke up with me last few weeks because he got to know a new girl that he look highly upon. He worships her so much and treats her like a queen, I am very sad but I just got to let go. He treats different people differently I think.

Any ways to forget about him faster?

SparkleKitty

Maybe it would help to consider that your perception of how he treats her and feels about her is just that -- your perception. As you have admitted yourself, you can't know what really happens behind closed doors, and you certainly can't read minds either. He is still the same person he was when he was with you.

It might also help to read your own post and that list of offenses everyday. Ask yourself why you were willing to put up with that. What if your best friend or daughter came to you with the same list and told you her boyfriend was doing that to her? Would your first assumption be that he must have some stellar qualities to counter that kind of behavior, or would you think he was kind of a jerk and wonder why she was with him in the first place?

Lastly, accept that it takes time to get over relationships. There are no quick fixes. You have to feel the pain and move forward anyway. Don't contact him or accept contact from him, and don't stalk his Facebook page to see what he's up to. The sooner we accept that things are over, the sooner we are able to move on. Sending you strength and courage. Xoxo.

lillamy

My ex met a girl who was skinnier prettier and richer than I was after we divorced.
The kids were telling me he was being "so nice to her all the time" and that stung. It made me feel like maybe it was my fault that he was abusive to me. You know all those feelings like "if only I were skinnier/richer/prettier/blonder/better in bed/better cook/nicer/funnier/smarter, then he wouldn't have to drink... or be mean to me..."

Well, after they dated for about nine months she broke up with him because he beat her. And then three months later got a restraining order against him when he would come stand outside her house across the street and stare at her house every night.

It's possible that people change. It's possible that your ex might have had been touched by an angel and become a saint. But to be honest with you, my money is on him maybe adjusting his behavior for a little bit until this new girl is solidly on the hook.

And then she will get the same treatment you, and the other ten exes, got. Abuse. Control. Evil.

It's complicated to get out of a relationship like yours (or mine). But the good thing is you are out of the relationship and he didn't kill you. That's a good start.

AnvilheadII

hello. for me any ONE of the offenses you listed would assure that person was never allowed in my presence again. that's a pretty horrific list of abuse, hon!!!! it does not matter how he treats or treated anyone else, but how he treated you.

he's best out of your life and far behind you. you deserve better. you must take steps to protect your safety from now forward....to never EVER let anyone abuse you in any way again.
violence is unacceptable.
threats are unacceptable.
destroying your property is unacceptable.
not for two years, two minutes or two seconds.

you need time to heal. to regain your self worth and sense of self preservation. you survived a nightmare. stay awake now!

Scott6433

In response to your question...you don't. It's impossible.
You learn from it and just try and focus on what you personally want out of life and go from there.

skippernlilg

I am with the others here. I think it's helpful you don't forget the lesson AT.ALL. Let it ignite your passion for the positives in life you want, you need, and are rightfully yours for the taking!!

Katiekate

He broke up with me last few weeks because he got to know a new girl that he look highly upon. He worships her so much and treats her like a queen, I am very sad but I just got to let go. He treats different people differently I think.

Really??? And how long do you think that will last.

With all the abuse you took from him, my guess is you will have to take sometime to work through that with a good counselor. That trauma needs to come up so you can hopefully move through it.

You are the best thing he ever had, now he has lost you, for good I hope.

His new girl will be singing the same song soon is my guess.

fluffyflea

Well it might help to re-read this post quite a few times to remind yourself of what a nut he is.

Tamerua

Hi, I'm just echoing what others have said. Don't worry about forgetting him or put any thought into his new girl. It is time to work on you and look into why you would put up with that kind of treatment, no one should endure that. I think that you will find the more you discover yourself, thoughts of him will go away.

Programmatic

I cannot learn from that which I have forgotten for I must be made to remember it again.
My efforts to forget are really efforts to escape. Escape is a mirage produced by my denial and evidenced by my self-neglect.
Walking with awareness through the pain invites me into reality where true change can begin.

Wavy

Wow it really smacks you in the face when you read a list of what has happened to you happening to someone else. It seems so unacceptable when you see it for someone else but somehow you let it happen to you unwittingly.

You are a step ahead of me with this nightmare now out your life. Be grateful for that. Don't forget the lessons you have learned from him, they will be the things that mean you will never have to be in that situation EVER AGAIN. You deserve better. (*tentatively whispers* So do I)

cr995

I used to feel jealous of the new realationship my husband had started. But I have to admit now I have a sadistic pleasure when I think of what she has ahead of her. That is quite cruel on my part because in time this young woman will be destroyed and has little chance of becoming the person she could have been.

Am I unkind when I think well that's what you get for being so stupid and starting an affair with an alcoholic married man?!

Programmatic

I came to realize that an alcoholic is simply doing what they have to do to get to where they have to go. That is, the alcoholic needs to drink more to find his way to the bottom for at the bottom lies a willingness that cannot be found prior. Thus, the drive to drink is in essence a drive towards the solution. Unfortunately, we are mortal beings and alcoholism often destroys the physical body before the spiritual solution is discovered. And this is the paradox of the disease of alcoholism.

Carrying this framework into my other behaviors I begin to see that I am always doing whatever it is I need to do to get to wherever it is I have to be. Is this stupid of me? The path to the solution I seek may be plain and easy to the outside observer but were the outside observer put through exactly my circumstances, upbringing and conditioning they, too, would find themselves on my path.

Understanding this has required the acceptance of my humanity. Failure to accept my humanity is an act of unkindness towards myself. That which I bestow upon myself I will also bestow upon others for I can only give that which I have. As I learn to accept myself I find that I accept others and can extend compassion to them as I seek only the same for myself.