iamthird

I miss AH. Not who he is now but who he was before this progressive disease got him. I am fighting for my life and just hoping he will be that man that used to take care of me. Nowhere in sight...I need help everyone...my survival depends on this. Day after day I lay in this bed recovering from radiation/chemo and I am so stuck.

I need help. I need to grieve him but I see him daily to exchange our daughter. He is so cold and heartless. Its like he never loved me. Its like we didnt just have a family. Now I am dying and its like he doesnt even care.

I need your help to survive everyone....please help me know this will get better before i die.

stella27

You deserve to not have to see him. Is there ANY way not to see him every day? This is definitely making your ability to separate more difficult.

Sungrl

It is also not going to help you get better physically by seeing him everyday. You need to focus on your health NOT HIM! If anything do it for your children please. They need their Mom! I know it's hard, but he is so not worth your health. Hugs

chicory

Iamthird,

do you have anyone who is helping you right now? You need real friends around you, real family, those who love you. Your daughter loves you, and she needs this time with you and you need it with her. Her love would be the healing kind, and will do much for you. She is reason enough to live. If you were all better tomorrow, would you waste a moment on this man?

I hope you have support, and help at home. How are you doing? How is your daughter doing? that is what matters right now. He cannot make you well. his love would not make you well. but it seems all you want, and think it would be a magic cure. the disappointment that you feel when it is apparent that it isn't coming from him, makes you feel worse. who knows how he feels, but you need to live, and get well, and take care of yourself. not torture yourself. healing thoughts are what you need.

do you have any people coming in, and are there any support groups in your area, could your doctor give you the names of some? you do need tender compassion, and we care here, but you need some face to face. you deserve it, dear. you are working hard to get well and deserve all the help you can get.

big hugs,
chicory

dandylion

:ghug3Dear Iamthird, hospice organizations have clergy that are associated with them. Could you, or a friend contact the local hospice organization and have a clergy (or skilled hospice counselor) come by to talk with you about this situation?

These hospice people are like angels. They might even be willing to talk with your ex and facilitate some healing conversations between you and your ex. He may be having a hard time feeling his emotions, right now (erecting protective walls)---he is a man--and, we all know how frightened they can be of emotions.

Iamthird, you do need to talk to others about these painful feelings because your physical health is so important to you and your daughter.

Thanks for your kind words to me, recently. I tried to send you another PM, but your file was full and would not accept my PM.

I think about you every day, though. Sending healing and loving thoughts your way.

dandylion

wicked

It will get better when you choose another way.
He will not be who you want, he never could be.
Please call the hospice or have a friend do it.
There should be a social worker or member of the clergy on staff, please call them.
This is sapping your oh so precious energy, energy you need to heal.
Please call for help from those who can give it.
Your husband cannot do it.

Please.
Sincerely, and with love and prayers,
Beth

iamthird

I hardly have support and thats why I see him daily because he helps with daughter daily.

I asked one of my friends to look into the hospice services. I am open to anything at this point. The only person who can help me is my higher power. Its just so hard to see the person you are trying to grieve the loss of.

Please continue to pray for me friends.

dandylion

Dear iamthird, I do pray for you. I know that the hospice people can help you a great deal.

I do understand how your heart feels, right now. I understand how it hurts. Cry to get it out, if you need to.

Feel the arms of your higher power around you. I am sending you a hug through cyberspace.

Love,
dandylion

DreamsofSerenity

I will pray too!

Seren

You continue to be in my prayers, iamthird. I hope that the hospice folks will be able to provide support for you so that you have some relief! Sending hugs!!!

iamthird

I keep coming on here and reading replies instead of contacting separated AH. He picks up and drops off daughter daily and he looks right through me. It is so painful! Am i just nothing? Its what I feel like. I am tired everyone, so scared of end result...

dandylion

Dear iamthird, I know how that must hurt. Has your friend contacted the hospice services people for you? If not, would you be able to call them yourself---you know--just a contact phone call?

I don't know if this is of help to remind you---most men are not good at making themselves vulnerable to scary feelings---they tend to put up walls...ugh! With youralls past history this is probably doubly hard for him to face feelings. I am just saying that he may have more human feelings than he will let you see or admit,

dandylion

Seren

We see you, and we know how hard you are trying!

Please, please call and get some help ASAP. You deserve to have some of this burden lifted from you...and you deserve for someone else to take care of the transition with the children so that you do not have to see him.

Sending up continued prayers!

iamthird

I am awaiting insurance company to coordinate with hospice service. Everything is so political. As soon as they approve it, they said they can set me up with a weekly counselor to come out for a starting point. Step by step...

unsureoffuture

Hugs for you right now. You have so much on your plate. I'm sure inside he is hurting too it may be his defense mechanism to "look through you" because its too painful for him to acknowledge all the pain he has caused you. Deep down they know how much they hurt their families. Continue to focus on yourself and your health. Positive vibes. You are strong and your daughter deserves to have you around for as long as possible. You can do this! He isn't worthy of you.

BodkinVanHorn

Hugs and Love.

chicory

Dear Iamthird,

thinking of you tonight and saying prayers that things will get better soon! stay strong!

hugs
chicory

Argnotthisagain

I am going to get up and go chant for you right now (I've been stuck in my own *blecch* today)

Can you talk to your pastor or someone, just to hear you and maybe offer suggestions in the interim while you wait for the insurance company? Someone not connected to the pay-up-or-else health system?

Can someone from church help with your daughter and the interactions with the ex?

I am going to go downstairs to my prayer space for you right now!

Seren

More prayers today, iamthird, for you and your little girl.

How are you feeling today?

iamthird

Its been a rough day but I had some visitors help me with bathing daughter and laundry. Ive been in bed majority of day. I just keep praying.