zenchild

I am ashamed of even being here or posting. I am not yet ready to admit I am full-fledged alcoholic I suppose. I would identify myself as a binge drinker. Mainly someone who drinks to unwind or to numb out (why...well that is a whole other topic/post/forum). I have been drinking since I was 16 now 34. However, I was never a heavy drinker until recent years. Prior it was here and there, and I even stopped for 1 year after a very traumatic experience. But, in the last 3 years I have consumed alcohol basically daily (maybe one or two days off a week). Not until after 6pm because of course in my mind that was acceptable. Well, it has gotten to the point where some nights it is just a glass of wine, others I drink beer/rum until I fall asleep on the sofa and my husband leaves me there. I wake up around 3am and crawl into bed. Hangovers are not that often, but when they are they are horrible.

I do come from a background of heavy drinkers (who doesnt these days). However, I am also a very healthy person otherwise (vegetarian, yoga, meditation on my good days and I am not hungover...which hasn't been in months, walk/run, etc..) But this is my downfall, my one vice to just...let go. For me I am getting tired of abusing my body and mind. I am in therapy and we have discussed ways to move past this. But to be honest I dont think she truly knows how bad I am. I tend to black out a few times a week not remembering what my husband and I discussed or what tv show we watched or didn't watch. There are so many things I would rather do with my time but I find myself in this endless cycle of finish work, get home, have a beer and it is downfall from there. Those last few hours of work that is all I can think of. So putting this in writing makes it more legit. I mean I am aware of my issue, but still not gutsy enough to tell my husband no more. I need help. I want to stop....My husband can stop drinking on a dime. However, he enjoys his occasional craft beer or whiskey. I wish I could be that way. So, there you go..my story. Oh, no children just dogs that I love like my own children.

ImperfectlyMe

I think you will find this place a useful tool wonderful people!

least

to SR! It is possible to stop drinking. I did it and I was a daily wine drinker. I too thought I was hopeless but I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink and I was able to succeed. You can too.

I'd work thru this with your counselor. Could be the help you need to stop for good.

Pondlady

Welcome zenchild,
We understand. Many of us drank to unwind and numb ourselves. I used to feel so disappointed in myself that I was healthy in so many ways, except for drinking way too much wine. This site has been a strong support for me and it can be for you too.

EverySngleNight

There is nothing to be ashamed of. This is a supportive place, with people from all walks. There is no "type", really. :-) Thank you for posting! There are a lot of good people here with a wealth of experience and insight.

I too am married with a furmily and no children. Sending all my best! Hang in there.

zenchild

Is that a boston?? I have a 7 month old Boston named Oliver

EverySngleNight

That's actually a faux-bo. (Boston Frenchie mix.). I was his caretaker for many years. Boston's are amongst my most favorite breeds (if I had to pick a "breed"). I actually have a "Cajun Bulldog" (frenchie staffie mix) and a Sicilian hound mix... And 3 cats lol

Cajun Bulldog isn't a real breed or hybrid- it's just what some people call frenchie/pit x's!

CaiHong

Welcome Zenchild,

Relate to your post a lot. The "healthy lifestyle" but who are we kidding. Someone sent me an article when I got sober about how our bodies don't absorb nutrition from our food when we are drinking heavily.
I am coming up to 2 years at the end of the month, I needed support to stop I had tried so many times times to moderate without success. Abstinence for me is the only solution.
I really couldn't imagine life without alcohol, it was my reward for getting through another day. Now I can't imagine ever wanting to drink again.

If you have made the decision to stop you will need support.

I use the 12 step program and SR.

I have a Pomeranian.

All the best
CaiHong

GroundhogDay

Tell your therapist exactly what you just told us. You will quit when you are truly ready. It sounds to me like you are in the process of talking yourself into making that commitment. You will be glad that you did.

bigsombrero

Are you more of a "half-fledged" alcoholic? In my case, I was only an alcoholic when I drank - otherwise I was fine! Ha.

Seriously, good luck and welcome. Not easy coming here the first time for anyone, and I appreciate you giving some background info and telling your story. That was a good way to introduce yourself and I think it shows you're a pretty smart person - a nice bonus for someone trying to quit drinking. Good luck and once again welcome.

Bruce292

I want to repeat what others have said. Don't be ashamed for posting here. It's a great place to get information and to "let it all out" when you need to. One thing you said hit home with me. I used to be a "healthy" drinker. I would drink too much and the next day jog five miles. This worked for a while but as I worked my way into my mid to late 40s doing both was no longer an option. So, I kept using for whatever reason(s). Now that I'm sober I'm *slowly* working back up to jogging again but it's tough.

Keep posting!

Dee74

Welcome Zenchild
I don't believe alcoholism is a character flaw or any kind of weakness or failing - and you're ready to take the battle to your addiction - nothing to be ashamed of at all

good to have you join us

D

Hevyn

Welcome to the family, zen. I instantly felt relief when I joined here. There were so many people just like me - who really understood.

It's good that you're concerned about what alcohol is doing to your life. At the end of my drinking career, I never knew where it would take me. I'd intend to have 'a couple' and end up drunk & blacked out. Dangerous and unpredictable things happened every time I picked up. Until I came here, I thought being a non drinker meant being boring and having a dull life. What was dull, though, was passing out and not even remembering what happened the night before. Life's no fun when we just phone it in. I'm glad you're here to seek support. You can do this!

nowme

Zenchild, I am older than you, 43. I can relate to you do much. I only have 24 days sober but wow... Husband who can drink in moderation, yoga, meditation, and no kids but 4 dogs.
I came to SR 24 days ago and I am on here a lot. Sometimes I think I'm on here way too much but it is a huge part of the reason I'm still sober. Keep posting. There are very wise people here that can relate to us and not judge. It is a great place to be.
I agree with what everyone has said. Sometimes I feel weird posting so much, but this forum and another one is all that I have right now and it is working. Amazing people who really care