waitingmyself

I was dating a bipolar alcoholic for almost a year. Next month is our anniversary but the last three months we have been pseudo broken up. We are broken up but talk to each other everyday mostly through text (usually fighting or drama) and see eachother on occasion (usually more drama). It's been bad... to say the least. I try to back off and then he'll contact me and then I just set myself back and get overly emotional wanting our relationship to work.

He is in recovery for alcohol and has been sober for just over a month. He has only just begun the process of recovery and it's difficult for us all.

He's tried really hard to distance himself from me. I'm always pleading to do our recoveries together. I've been going to Alanon and Coda. I've been working really hard on myself for codependency but I can't let this guy go.

It is sad but a month ago I found out I was pregnant and would have to have an abortion. My doctor keeps making me wait because it was too early but finally tomorrow it will happen. Tomorrow he will be with me but after the weekend we have decided to finally really break.

I need hope and courage. I appreciate anyone's stories of dating an alcoholic early in recovery or how they finally separated from an alcoholic (again early in recovery).

LexieCat

Sorry you are going through all this. It would not be right to bring a child into this mess.

Yes, there is hope, and happiness after breaking up with the alcoholic. It's best if you keep working your own recovery, and make a clean break with him. That will be much easier without the complication of children.

Just keep working away at it. It does get better--I promise!!

atalose

Sorry you are going through this and I wish you luck tomorrow and moving into the future.

I think it's best to truely make a clear break, no more daily texts or once in a while get togethers.

You can't morn the loss of the relationship if you are still dancing with the corps.

wicked

This is amazing atalose and so very true.
For your sanity, please back away from the bi-polar alcoholic.
One month into recovery, he is still upside down, and drama solves NOTHING!

Tres

I am married to one...it is difficult some days. If you are not married to this man, I would really deeply consider moving on. I wish your circumstances were not this. I hope tomorrow goes well for tje both of you.

wicked

There is hope and courage for you at the program called Al Anon.
Please find a meeting and go. You will find support and recovery there for YOU.
Your life is about you.
You will learn that while taking care of yourself, the separation from a bi polar alcoholic is the only way to find your way in life.
Alcoholics do not have relationships, they take hostages.
Break free.

Beth

Recovering2

Stop pleading to do your recoveries "together". Stay focused on your recovery, regardless of what is happening in his life. Go No Contact, and move on.

Tuffgirl

Big hugs from me today. I am so sorry things turned out this way, and you are forced to make some very tough decisions. I pray you find peace in those.

Of course you wanted things to work. You invested a year of your life and a lot of emotions into this person. It's normal to feel this way, but you can stop the drama anytime you want to. It requires you go "no contact". Make the break a clean one, and it will follow the proverbial band-aid philosophy...only stings for a bit, then begins to heal.

Peace,
~T

nothopeful1

I tried to do the recovery thing together also the last 2 rehabs. It was draining and I found all I did was help him and no-one was helping me, least of all me. A few days ago I went to the family therapist at AHs rehab and she confirmed to me that they are not there to help the family, just him. Wow! So I am working on me, I am distancing myself from him. I am focusing on me. I am going to al-anon. In other words, I am investing in me. It's a much safer and better bet. I took the power away from him.

I'm sorry you are having to terminate your pregnancy. But you know that this is not good for you and could never be good for a child. You owe it to yourself to cut off all communication with him. I wouldn't even let him go with me. The sooner you realize he's not worthy of even that experience the better you will be. Don't give him another memory to share in your life. Call a friend. Call a family member. Call a cab. You can do this!

Hugs and prayers. I hate you are going through this.

waitingmyself

Thank you everyone. The abortion is over. It was not so physically painful but the hardest hit on my spirit to date.

Tonight I start my try at No Contact. I don't think I'm ready but I'm going to try. My goal is two weeks. A month or longer seems unachievable right now.

MellyFishButt

Good luck! Sounds like you could very much use a fresh start. This is the time to start filling up your time with activities that are only about you: learn something, challenge yourself, nurture yourself with massage or whatever makes you feel better.