cr995

I find myself back where I was months ago. Seeing STBXAH on fb smiling into her eyes and holding hands just has me reeling. This happening all at the same time as he is treating me the way he is - which is well, with hatred I would say. Holding onto all assets from the marriage and refusing to pay what he owes. How somebody can flip from one persona to the other is something I just can't get my head around.

I know he had quit drinking - cold turkey I am told for about a month now but I know that a step program is out of the question for so many reasons.

My one comfort used to be that he would finally 'get it' and we would work it out and now I find that that is not a place I want to be anymore. To have seen what he is capable of is something I feel so bad about , sad. So now I find I have no comforting thought.

I spent yesterday at an Alanon convention and despite hearing all about the stages and features of alcoholism it flies in the face of the image he is presenting to the world. Really struggling today

nothopeful1

That would truly be hurtful to anyone. The only thing I can say to you is this. You know that picture is a lie. It's an actor in a movie. The person he really is, IS THE PERSON HE REALLY IS. You know that person very well. In time she will too. Don't let a photo take you back to romanticizing this person.

LifeRecovery

I was in a similar situation.

I thought his motivation with this was from love, health and understanding. It hurt me badly that I could not be the health he seemed to be wanting.

Now with some space and perspective...it did not come from that kind of place, but rather from a hole that he was desperate to fill. Maybe it was alcohol, or the excitement of a new relationship etc. Whatever it was it was a distraction from the feelings you are having to sit with. The hurt, fear, sadness etc.

peacedove

i am sorry you are seeing this picture but thought of someting my ex said to me once or twice. i would see a picture of him and his ex in a family members house or a picture of him with an exgf before me somewhere like fb and he always LOOKED so happy smiling away and all cuddly with the person. it always made me really look at the pics because he described the relationships with the ex's as "HELL" or how horrible they were. when i would say something like "you look really happy here" he would laugh then say "yeh, right, it's a picture! pictures mean nothing and i mean nothing."

So...remember what my ex used to say!! Pictures mean nothing. It is true!! Not only do pictures mean nothing to them--pretty much nothing means anything to them--except for the drinking or whatever they want or need to continue on how they want. But I must admit, mine liked having pics of himself with all kinds of people looking so happy and like a regular person when in reality it was not that way at all. All a front. Have to be strong and remember the real deal all the time!

it isn't easy but remember how things change, how they change and eventually it all becomes a mess with everyone!!