Charlie0414

My alcoholic boyfriend, which I broke up with on Thursday. Is doing everything in his power trying to get me back. He hasn't touched a drink. hasn't smoked any pot. I told him that he has to go at least a yr clean before I would consider getting back together with. I miss him so much and want to just cave BUT I need to stay strong. Who is to even say he will like me when hes sober. He might not. I never know whats the truth and whats a lie. Now if he only would have figured this out earlier. Oh well its for the best, right?

kasie

Hi Charlie,

There's no guarantees in life - no-one can say whether or not he'll stay sober/clean or whether he'll relapse. That's the tricky thing with addiction - they're only ever one step away from picking up the bottle again. It's tough.

It might be best to let him focus on his recovery for a while and see where he ends up. By the same token too - you need to focus on yourself for a while too. If you're like anyone else here on F&F you would have endured a lot being with an addict for a while and you need some time to recover.

I'm sending big hugs! You're much stronger than you realise

Xxx

Florence

Who is to say you'll like him when he's sober?

honeypig

My RAH said, on several occasions, "well, what if I get sober and I find out I don't like it here any more?" Wow, THAT made me feel good, I tell you...but by the last time he said it, I finally was able to say "well, then, you better find that out ASAP and if that's the case, stop wasting both of our time."

As the reply above mine says, who's to say YOU will like HIM once he's sober? And who's to say you'll ever get past the destruction of trust that you've experienced w/this person?

Take care of yourself; his problems are his own.

fluffyflea

Yes for the best.


Why do you want to waste your time in that situation?

Charlie0414

Thank you for everything you've said because I have been he was getting frustrated at my flaws and that he should have loved me for all my flaws because I loved him for all his. He told me he didn't know what to do with my love because hes never had anyone treat him the way I did. That everyone has tried to mold him into the perfect man the one they wanted to marry. But I never tried to mold him, I never judged him. He was what he was.

I told him, maybe that he should learn from that instead trying to fix my flaws. In our relationship I read codependant no more and I went to alanon and read the courage to change book daily reader everyday. He went to AA what 6 times MAX.

AnvilheadII

Statement #1:
I never judged him. He was what he was.

Statement #2 that directly contradicts #1:
I told him that he has to go at least a yr clean before I would consider getting back together with.

sorry, but it sounds like neither of you were happy or content with the other person AS THEY ARE, but both wanted changes in order for the other to be considered acceptable. that's just not a good basis for a relationship - too many conditions. let's turn the noise down on his side a bit...charlie, you deserve to be welcomed and loved AS IS. warts and all. if it's anything more than your habit of spitting your gum out the car window that "bothers" a partner or potential partner, then they aren't for you.

fluffyflea

He,s not ready,maybe never will be.

Is this what you want for you?

honeypig

Saw where someone else had posted that it's never a good sign when you are working harder on the A's recovery than the A is....

Sounds like you are making an effort, sounds like he's not, so much. Again, as others on this board have said, it's the actions that count, not the words. Facts. Honest efforts.

And yes, I struggle w/this myself.