Stilltrecking

I treat all my recovering opiate addicts like a vietnam war veteran might treat his fellow veteran. I may not have fought in the same battalion as you, but we fought and are fighting the same war. When i hear your cries for help on this website i remember where i come from. huddled under my blanket in a cold anxious sweat begging for morning to come so i can brag on SR about another day clean. This has been the most painful experience of my life. There is no greater struggle in my opinion than an addict fighting the good fight, but there is no greater glory either. I am 45 days clean and colors look brighter than they did a week ago. I gain strength every day, and have been dealing with things us opiate addicts tend to procrastinate on. I do not feel free quite yet. Its like leaving a slave master who used to feed you and cloth you, but still whipped every chance he got. I may be free, but now i have to get my own food, find my own shelter, ect... that makes me think maybe life was better with the slave master. Sorry about the metaphors, but i get poetic when i talk about this struggle. I am learning to embrace recovery as a way of life and not just a break from opiates. That has been the key for me. That and atoning for the wrong i have done. I sometimes talk to myself and randomly will blurt out "i wish i didn't do that" out of sheer guilt sometimes. But as i apologize and grow as a man i am thinking less and less like that. Us addicts are incredibly intelligent and powerful people capable of amazing things. I am not conceded, but one of the most amazing things for me since quitting opiates is rediscovering my intelligence. For so long i simply didn't use my brain for much else than having it bombarded by exogenous endorphine-like molecules. Today i can figure out chemistry problems, do calculous, and win chess games. I emplore you addicts early in recovery to go rediscover or just discover something you can do better sober than on pills. It will mean a lot in proving that you are much more capable without them. Peace and Love
-Still trekking

BFD

You are beautiful. Thanks for posting this.

ex D-Boy

Great post buddy. Glad to see you developing the coping skills needed to deal with everyday life problems so early on in recovery! Keep finding hobbies ( like playing chess) to fill up all that time used seeking and doing opiates. That's one of the key components to succeeding long term in sobriety.

Looking forward to reading more of your posts and seeing you grow in recovery ~~