Marshmallow

My husband was in relapse about a month ago. It went on a week very bad. He has stopped now completely, I think. I dont check, snoop around, but he seems different, back to normal. I could tell when he was using. He had been clean for 3+ years. Now he is working with his psychologist again.

My question is this. How do you get comfortable again and moving forward with the plans you were working on together for your life? In this case, my biggest issue is kids. We were in the process of trying to start a family. I now feel like that should be on hold a while. Maybe at least 6 months. My husband now that he is back working on himself is having trouble understanding my concerns, he wants to minimize them I guess I feel. He isnt exactly, we have talked about it and he gets it, but I dont think he gets how scared i was that week he was out of control. Im working on myself, but Im not past this yet.

Can anyone share how they moved forward without unreasonable fears always pulling you back to a standstill ?

Lily1918

In my opinion.... personally... go with your gut. Its never wrong.

Vale

I second Lily

Kindeyes

He's working with a psychologist.....are you working with someone regarding your concerns? It might be a good idea to have an opportunity to speak with an unbiased person (therapist, counselor, psychologist) to give you the opportunity to talk about your thoughts and feelings without feeling like they are being minimized or disregarded.

I also agree with Vale and Lily......our gut often tells us what to do.....what turns us inside out is ignoring it.

gentle hugs
ke

Marshmallow

Thanks everyone. I guess I will continue to base things on my feelings, and hope that I fully bounce back soon.

Kindeyes
I have went on a couple appointments with my husband to see his doctor as joint sessions. I was able to express myself then, but i think it is only feelings change a little over time and I didnt go back. I hadnt thought about taking what seems like a serious step and doing it on my own. But I will if I cant come to terms shortly.

peacedove

I agree with all of the other posts to follow your gut, trust your instincts and find your own answer. Goodness, I also have to say this, too, though...making the decision to have a child in a healthy relationship is huge. It is at the top of the list of one of the most important things a couple will ever do. Children change everything from A to Z and require 100% of all you have. I think they are wonderful blessings and having a family is a wonderful choice to make for a couple.
If the two of you are struggling from past or even present addiction and recovery issues in your relationship, are you able to say to yourself with no doubts that having a child is the right choice for a child at this time? And are you willing to be a single parent if you have to?
I may be gun shy about the topic of children right now because of my own recent experience with children, addictions, having the children taken out of my life so suddenly, etc...and I do not wish to project my experience on to you or your relationship. I can only tell you I was co-parenting a 3 and 5 yr old with a man who turned out to be an addict. I am not. The job of parenting those two took everything I had and more and he was also there doing his part(hiding the addiction very well--not laying on the couch or being a slug while I parented--he was active, too). But it was full time, non stop, fall in to the bed exhausted each night kind of thing. It is rewarding, it was wonderful and I would do it again if the right person came along one day.
So make your decision based upon what you feel is best for you because it will be you who takes on this responsibility and it may be all your responsibility if it has to be.