I hate:
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Oakdale, CA
Posts: 180
I hate:
I hate the smell of withdrawal
I hate the **** that feels like its in the back of your throat
I hate how withdrawal reduces a man to a child
I hate all of the backpedal type thinking of withdrawal
I hate that I feel like I've lost control of a lot of my life
I hate how I can't even make my Rx last 30 days..... EVER
I hate how I think that I am responsible, but oxy has taught me otherwise
I hate the memories of my addiction from the past come up and I'm reminded every single damn time I do this to my self
I hate the person that opiates have made me to become
I hate the mind games that my mind plays on me
I hate having to change plans because of withdrawals
I hate not ******* wanting to do anything or the lack of energy with withdrawals
I hate opiates but love what they do
I hate what opiates have made my life to be
I hate that I feel like happiness has to be tied to a little pill
I hate how I feel like I can't do anything without it
I want this to end and I want it to end now.
I hate the **** that feels like its in the back of your throat
I hate how withdrawal reduces a man to a child
I hate all of the backpedal type thinking of withdrawal
I hate that I feel like I've lost control of a lot of my life
I hate how I can't even make my Rx last 30 days..... EVER
I hate how I think that I am responsible, but oxy has taught me otherwise
I hate the memories of my addiction from the past come up and I'm reminded every single damn time I do this to my self
I hate the person that opiates have made me to become
I hate the mind games that my mind plays on me
I hate having to change plans because of withdrawals
I hate not ******* wanting to do anything or the lack of energy with withdrawals
I hate opiates but love what they do
I hate what opiates have made my life to be
I hate that I feel like happiness has to be tied to a little pill
I hate how I feel like I can't do anything without it
I want this to end and I want it to end now.
Slowly, but surely, making it!
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northwest Florida
Posts: 493
Please hang in there. You know this is the dope sickness talking. You're amazing. At least you try to end this. You don't complain about it and then do nothing. Keep going
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Denver
Posts: 235
Good news is you can make it end. But bad news is you can't make it end now. I was in your situation about ready to give up. Just kept relapsing over and over and over and over and over. I hated myself, and still get these guilty thoughts like how could you have done that? They must think your a monster! ect... But i have to disregard that and look at my accomplishments. I am six weeks clean. I did it. I never thought i could but i did it. I still struggle and am still doing it. But i don't hate stuff anymore. I don't waste my time hating others, hating myself, hating anything. Its love that keeps me going now. I love the sunshine. I love improving every week in my mood. I love not fiending for drugs 24/7, (more like 2/7 now lol). It gets better man and if you want to make it you have to give it everything youve got. Its so hard. SOOO ******* HARD! But you can do it. I believe in you because us addicts are strong.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by scotchbotch 
I hate the smell of withdrawal
I hate the **** that feels like its in the back of your throat
I hate how withdrawal reduces a man to a child
I hate all of the backpedal type thinking of withdrawal
I hate that I feel like I've lost control of a lot of my life
I hate how I can't even make my Rx last 30 days..... EVER
I hate how I think that I am responsible, but oxy has taught me otherwise
I hate the memories of my addiction from the past come up and I'm reminded every single damn time I do this to my self
I hate the person that opiates have made me to become
I hate the mind games that my mind plays on me
I hate having to change plans because of withdrawals
I hate not ******* wanting to do anything or the lack of energy with withdrawals
I hate opiates but love what they do
I hate what opiates have made my life to be
I hate that I feel like happiness has to be tied to a little pill
I hate how I feel like I can't do anything without it
I want this to end and I want it to end now.
I hate the **** that feels like its in the back of your throat
I hate how withdrawal reduces a man to a child
I hate all of the backpedal type thinking of withdrawal
I hate that I feel like I've lost control of a lot of my life
I hate how I can't even make my Rx last 30 days..... EVER
I hate how I think that I am responsible, but oxy has taught me otherwise
I hate the memories of my addiction from the past come up and I'm reminded every single damn time I do this to my self
I hate the person that opiates have made me to become
I hate the mind games that my mind plays on me
I hate having to change plans because of withdrawals
I hate not ******* wanting to do anything or the lack of energy with withdrawals
I hate opiates but love what they do
I hate what opiates have made my life to be
I hate that I feel like happiness has to be tied to a little pill
I hate how I feel like I can't do anything without it
I want this to end and I want it to end now.
I love that you are so honest.
I love that you are here.
I love that you are able to see through the lies of addiction.
I love that you seem to have had enough.
I love that you seem to have a desire to stop.
I love that God is using your addiction to get your attention.
I love that you will never have to be alone again.
I love that you have not died from this addiction yet.
I love that you are not in jail right now.
I love that you reminded me why taking a drink or drug is not the answer to any of my problems today.
I love that you reached out.
That took courage!
You know what the 12th step in NA is?
You just carried the message to another addict.
Again I love that you are here! Please keep coming back!
It can get better if you really want it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Oakdale, CA
Posts: 180
Thank you everybody. Day 3 here. I've learned that I'm not going to promise to myself anymore that this is the last time, because I know that I can't control this crap.
I do feel like I want 30 days without this stuff far more than I want it at this point. It's been 3 years, almost 4 years since I've been 30 days without oxy.
Wouldn't it be cool if the Doc would say to you that wd's are absolute hell and pointed you to a site like this and made you read it for 10 minutes before they prescribed it to you? I'm sure for a lot of us, it wouldn't have made a difference because the first year of using oxy is easily a honeymoon stage before it becomes a nightmare.
Although even if such an account would keep one person from finding an alternative way to take care of their pain.... it would be worth it.
I'm going to plan a huge party (maybe just going out to dinner with the wife) on my 30 days. Something that I can really look forward to. I don't know. All I do know is that I can't control this **** and I have to turn it over to God's hands and make sure that I'm striving to be what He wants me to be on a daily basis.
Thank you to everybody here and I'm glad I found this place!
I do feel like I want 30 days without this stuff far more than I want it at this point. It's been 3 years, almost 4 years since I've been 30 days without oxy.
Wouldn't it be cool if the Doc would say to you that wd's are absolute hell and pointed you to a site like this and made you read it for 10 minutes before they prescribed it to you? I'm sure for a lot of us, it wouldn't have made a difference because the first year of using oxy is easily a honeymoon stage before it becomes a nightmare.
Although even if such an account would keep one person from finding an alternative way to take care of their pain.... it would be worth it.
I'm going to plan a huge party (maybe just going out to dinner with the wife) on my 30 days. Something that I can really look forward to. I don't know. All I do know is that I can't control this **** and I have to turn it over to God's hands and make sure that I'm striving to be what He wants me to be on a daily basis.
Thank you to everybody here and I'm glad I found this place!
Marcher
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,235
Good morning Scothbotch!
Thank you for your post. Your misery reminds me of my misery. All from oxy.
Now I'm 45 days clean and alive! You will be too!
Deeker,
You are just awesome! I loved how you turned the negative to positive, like an angel whispering in our ears.
Thank you!
Thank you for your post. Your misery reminds me of my misery. All from oxy.
Now I'm 45 days clean and alive! You will be too!
Deeker,
You are just awesome! I loved how you turned the negative to positive, like an angel whispering in our ears.
Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Denver , CO
Posts: 212
Omg Scotch, this is exactly how I felt! But in those words there is a great conclusion : u just hate opiates! Honestly, I tried to fight the "hate" I felt inside of me but after a few days I realized that that's the hate that's going to save u! It saved me! I still hate everything about them, they try to suck u back in. Use that to ur advantage and keep urself far from that what makes u feel like this and making ur life hell. Day by day u will get ur life back, build new great memories and simply be happy! Hang in there, u r so much stronger!!!!! I believe in u!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,420
Good morning, Scotch
Hey Scotch,
My experience in 1999, when I got clean and sober from alcohol and cocaine, was of wanting to have my first year all at once. Needless to say, I had several slips, relapses, whatever you want to call it, before I started to settle into the present moment. (Please take what you want, and leave the rest, but I just had to share, as I read how badly you want 30 days clean.)
That is one of the reasons I use 1dayatatyme as my name here... I can get so caught up in future worries I forget about today.
This time, I have 44 days clean and sober, DOC is/was oxys and hydros, and I have not had any slips or relapses up to now, and I have had a lot of stressful situations to deal with. I remind myself to take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time, if need be, and I also sign up on the newcomer's thread pledging to stay clean and sober for the next 24 hours. The only way this addict can stay clean is taking each day as it comes.
You sound so determined to get clean and stay clean, you can do this!!!!
My experience in 1999, when I got clean and sober from alcohol and cocaine, was of wanting to have my first year all at once. Needless to say, I had several slips, relapses, whatever you want to call it, before I started to settle into the present moment. (Please take what you want, and leave the rest, but I just had to share, as I read how badly you want 30 days clean.)
That is one of the reasons I use 1dayatatyme as my name here... I can get so caught up in future worries I forget about today.
This time, I have 44 days clean and sober, DOC is/was oxys and hydros, and I have not had any slips or relapses up to now, and I have had a lot of stressful situations to deal with. I remind myself to take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time, if need be, and I also sign up on the newcomer's thread pledging to stay clean and sober for the next 24 hours. The only way this addict can stay clean is taking each day as it comes.
You sound so determined to get clean and stay clean, you can do this!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Oakdale, CA
Posts: 180
Originally Posted by 1Dayatatyme
Hey Scotch,
My experience in 1999, when I got clean and sober from alcohol and cocaine, was of wanting to have my first year all at once. Needless to say, I had several slips, relapses, whatever you want to call it, before I started to settle into the present moment. (Please take what you want, and leave the rest, but I just had to share, as I read how badly you want 30 days clean.)
That is one of the reasons I use 1dayatatyme as my name here... I can get so caught up in future worries I forget about today.
This time, I have 44 days clean and sober, DOC is/was oxys and hydros, and I have not had any slips or relapses up to now, and I have had a lot of stressful situations to deal with. I remind myself to take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time, if need be, and I also sign up on the newcomer's thread pledging to stay clean and sober for the next 24 hours. The only way this addict can stay clean is taking each day as it comes.
You sound so determined to get clean and stay clean, you can do this!!!!
My experience in 1999, when I got clean and sober from alcohol and cocaine, was of wanting to have my first year all at once. Needless to say, I had several slips, relapses, whatever you want to call it, before I started to settle into the present moment. (Please take what you want, and leave the rest, but I just had to share, as I read how badly you want 30 days clean.)
That is one of the reasons I use 1dayatatyme as my name here... I can get so caught up in future worries I forget about today.
This time, I have 44 days clean and sober, DOC is/was oxys and hydros, and I have not had any slips or relapses up to now, and I have had a lot of stressful situations to deal with. I remind myself to take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time, if need be, and I also sign up on the newcomer's thread pledging to stay clean and sober for the next 24 hours. The only way this addict can stay clean is taking each day as it comes.
You sound so determined to get clean and stay clean, you can do this!!!!
Slowly, but surely, making it!
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northwest Florida
Posts: 493
You posted yesterday during my crisis to read this over and over. I did. You are always here for me, and I'll always be here for you. I know you mean well, and I know you will do well! Hang in there. XOXO
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