fredy

Hey guys... I never was a consistent user never more then 3-4 weeks in a row... but I have bulged disks and small arthritis in my lower back.. im only 24... its from playing football since i was 9 through college... my chiropractor said my neck and spine are crooked also cuz i always lead with my head in football. Doing that is So dangerous thats why the NFL banned that. Anyways I have excruciating pain, i dont go any days without it bothering me. And i started lifting again recently, and through it out again. Took me too my knees and couldnt get up wout help at the gym, and havnt had a good night sleep in 3 nights. I have slept sitting up against my wall with my pillows in between.. only way i can fall asleep and thats after 3 hours of trying and trying to lay down w this back issue when its tweaked like it is now its 10x worse then everyday.... Its always sore but I tweaked it lifting friday so its extra bad... Anyways my mom has lower back arthritis and osteoporosis and a bone density problem... She gets prescribed 5's... I called my doc friday but he had no openings... When im like this he gives me 5's... But I cant see him till Monday at 1145.... I took 6 5mg perks over the last 2 days... I didn't at all do it to get ****** up only taking them when they wore off and honestly they really didnt fully do it at all cuz i needed something stronger. I took 2 just now, so 8 total cuz its 6am and i havnt been able to sleep its honestly mentally messing with me cuz i cant do anything even w 5's. Anyways my question is I was 10 days off everything.. like i said i never used more then 3-4 weeks in a row anyways so never had more then sweats wd's... Is this considered "using", i dont really feel bad about it. The doc wouldve given me something he will monday but im gonna refuse cuz ill be allset i just need to see him. I will take a couple tomorrow and thats it. And come monday even if he gives me a script i wont take it. Because i really just needed it the first initial 3 days when its tweaked so i feel like that would be cheating and considered using. Anyone think i am at day 1 again? I just really get mad at myself thats why i wanted to stop even when i wasnt on going and using for yearsin a row ever... i just wanted to stop using completely all together not even socially or anything and not do them at all anymore and then this came up.... plz chime in thanks

fredy

Anyone out there?

amsterdampoe

That is a relapse if you are keeping track of numbers. If you are in recovery the ideal situation is to not pick up. Unfortunately there may be situations that require pain management. Why did you go straight to percs instead of trying other alternatives? As long as you regroup yourself and stop now I wouldnt be too hard on yourself. Only you can monitor your behavior and hopefully you have an understanding support group

fredy

I didnt jump roght too it. It has been hurting since wednesday the first day i lifted. I went two days with inuprofein and then i did a back workout and tweaked it froday. Put it this way i woke up today and havnt taken them when i easily could. Im not counting them like that i just know what i took. I have them on my desk and im not thinking about it because it doesnt hurt roght now cuz i took some so late in the morning that its lingering. If i was doing it to use id had woke up and chomped them down.

Impurrfect

((Fredy)) - My DOC (drug of choice) was crack, but I did abuse the heck out of opiates before that.

I had a ruptured disc, years ago, and every now and then it flares up. When I found my now dr., I told him (now it's a her as he left) all about my addiction but also about my back. I assured them I would not ask for pain pills until I'd already tried the ibuprofen, PT exercises, etc. and it was interfering with my ability to function.

We made an agreement...only a limited number of pills, NO refills, etc. Because it was very rare that I asked, maybe once or twice a year, they worked with me.

I don't consider it a relapse, for me, as I'm not looking to get a buzz, get high, or any of that. In fact, if I remember correctly, the last time I took anything, they made me nauseated

I don't believe recovery means we have to suffer in pain, BUT I do believe we have to keep recovery as a priority. I know, without a doubt, that I could quickly slide down that slippery slope back into addiction if I let myself.

I don't know what the answer for you is, but I would recommend being totally honest with your dr. and go from there. I would have felt guilty asking for something, had I not been honest, and honesty is a big part of my recovery.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

joygirl

fredy, I feel for you. You are in pain!
I was addicted to prescribed pain meds for 7 years for back pain. I am only clean 44 days, so I would be terrified of taking any narcotics any time soon, as I know my body is still healing and my mind still recovering.

I agree that we don't have to suffer, but in early recovery its hard to measure the real pain against withdrawal pain.
That being said, I'd be really careful if you choose to take any more pills. And as the others have said, be honest with your doctor. There are other pain meds that are not narcotics and will not jeopardize your recovery.

As for starting days over, that is totally your call I guess. Be honest with yourself, too. Good luck, and I sure do hope you feel better soon.

fredy

Thanks that made me feel better about myself. I honestly don't feel any high from them... they barely affect my back pain cuz its so severe... Tomorrow the doctor is going to offer me a script and im going to deny it because i don't need it. I just took the first one today I was out shopping for furniture and it took 4 hours cuz the guy had no clue what was going on lol. My mother and I both were having severe back issues. But I just toughed it out till now till I couldn't take it anymore and the furniture store was next to my house. She offered me 1 at the store and I said no cuz she saw me lie down on one of the couches and stretching to try and put it away. Regardless and sorry for all the jibba jabba, I just wanted to talk toi someone and here is the only place i can because regardless I feel bad taking them but I really needed them. I went downstairs and watched Grease the musical last night at 4am with my mom cuz i woke her up cuz she was concerened cuz i couldnt fall asleep after 3 hours of trying. It is mentally getting too me cuz I was supposed to play semi-pro football last summer, i played 1 game and thats when i hurt it severely the first time and was bed ridden for 3 weeks. And I figured Id play this summer but I cant. I cant do a lot. I cant even sleep due to it. So Ive been mentally tired and distraught because I am 24 and love sports and working out and thats really all I have at this point and i cant play my first love football. and my second love lifting heavy weights is going to ruin my back every time i step in the gym. So i guess in that since not running to them between pain and somewhat depressed state i am happy with myself. It took a lot for me to take them when my mom offered 45 times. But thanks for the kind words, it made me feel better.

joygirl

Yikes!
Where did all those smileys come from? I meant to put one. Oh, well.

AnvilheadII

i'd suggest give your back a break...quit lifting...quit what appears to be the source of your pain.

fredy

Anvilhead.. If i quit lifting ill do drugs everyday... Working out is my sobriety..... I can't I don't know how to live without it... been doing it since i was 14... And the worse part is... my favorite body part to life is legs and do squats... which is my downfall and why my back is like this well a big reason. I could never lift and not squat somewhat heavy it would **** my head up so bad. But at the same time im physically ******* myself up. Its a ****** catch22.

fredy

Also too I was on Day 10... I never went more then 3-4 weeks straight using. EVER. But would go 10-14 days.. then anywhere from 3-8 days clean.. for the last year and a half on and off.... I felt really good but do you think doing a few 5s a day for severe pain is going to set back my recovery? As in make my mind and body not be 100% normal as fast as if i didnt do this...?

Cuz like I said when I used to use id buy them in bulk and the first thing i would wake up and do before my eyes could even open is crush one up and rip them down.... i was up all day and just took my first dose cuz of back pain... I don't crave them like i used to even after just a 10 day clean period.. I just really got my mind to dislike them and the life style and been lifting and having a lot of fun. I dont want to go back to 14 days in my bedroom ripping pills. Idk I felt good i hope i didnt ruin it. But like i said im not craving it and only taking when in absolute need.

Dee74

why not work on a different training regime for a while Fredy - we exercise to do us good, not hurt ourselves.

I'm not a bodybuilder but I know there's more than one way to do things.
Why not try some other trraining schedules that aren't a killer for your back?

D

sparky78

I understand your feeling about exercising being your sobriety plan. I've always exercised (even when I was an active alcoholic) and it has always been a big part of my recovery when I've tried to get sober.

However, I was in a bad car accident and cannot exercise at all now. I have had to find other ways to stay sober, but hopefully I'll be able to work out in the future. Have you seen a orthopedic? They may be able to give you trigger point injections that won't get you high but take the pain away for a few weeks.

fredy

I am going to the doc tomorrow and gonna see what he says....... I am deathly afraid of the doctors due to not knowing what they are gonna say and it could be bad so i always dodge them until it is so bad even when im sick. I could never let someone open up my back so maybe that would be a good option to ask the doc tomorrow. I feel sorry for you man if you were like me and told you cant work out. Body building and working out is really popular around here... Jay cutler Mr. Olympia grew up in my town and got trained by my best friends father... Its almost impossible to go around for me and then I have athletic training.. I was gonna try and maybe look into crossfit cuz its not so much heavy lifting but i know id still not be able to get away from it id do it on the side... But at least not everyday.

ex D-Boy

Short and sweet with no sugar coating, it's a relapse man. You put opiates into your body without first consulting with a physician. It doesn't matter whether you were in physical pain or your doctor always prescribed the same meds to you in the past. You took matters into your own hands and did what you wanted ( never a bright idea in early recovery). What's done is done though, no use beating a dead horse, just have to move forward and make better choices. Hopefully you didn't take too much so you have to go back through minor w/d's.

I'm sorry if this seems cold and harsh but I had many people rationalize my mistakes to me and it just kept me sicker longer. Keep your head up man

Stilltrecking

Fredy my boy your story sounds so similar to mine. I have a slipped disk too. You have to accept that opiates just are not an option anymore. They just aren't its that simple.

Maylie

This is definitely a relapse that you are trying to rationalize in your head by making excuses.

I am sure your pain is real but self medicating is not the way to handle pain in recovery. Your doctor might have prescribed you those pills in the past, but many people had doctors that prescribed them pain medicine and now they do not take those pills because they are in recovery. Also, just because a doctor would prescribe you something does not make it right to take someone elses medicine and rationalize it with a doctor would have given it to you.

Also, one of the first things you need to do when you are in recovery is be honest with your doctor. There are a lot of pain medicines that are not narcotics that a doctor can prescribe and therefore you doctor would not have prescribed you those medicines if you had seen him if you were honest with him. While addicts should not have to live in pain, narcotics should only be give after all over the counter and all non-narcotic pain medicines are tried.

When you go to the doctor on Monday I hope that you are completely honest with him this way you can make a plan for pain management in the future that will not jeopardize your recovery.

Keep moving forward and maybe find some work out routines that will not strain your back and cause unnecessary pain.