finaltime

I am shocked at how I think I stayed clean because my SO would not tolerate me to use. Well, now he is gone. It wasn't one week until the dragon woke up. And now there is nobody to tell me no, nobody to watch me, however I know better. But SR is no longer enough The moment I get home from work I am thinking about using...and it is BEYOND ANNOYING> I hate that feeling, I hate that my focus is on that again. For over a year it felt so good not having to waste my precious time on searching.

So what now? I am going to have to go to the next step. Get to meetings, find a sponsor, do what is right. Before SR and him were enough, well now it is not... SO, please help me through this. I do not want to end up where I was before.

heyitsme

Hi icandoit!! I've been thinking about you lately, but I haven't been on here for a number of reasons. Mainly, because I am still battling my own demons. But anyway, this post isn't about me, it is about you!

I'm sure the story is on here (maybe?!), but what is going on with your home life? You can tell me if you want, or private message me or not tell me at all.

I know how you feel though.... It seems like when I know I won't be able to get anything, like if I am camping or on vacation and I don't know where to get anything, then I don't waste the time thinking about it - because it just isn't worth it. But the moment that I get back home, the cravings get really bad and the withdrawls start up again.

Just remember how you felt before. It does sound like you quit using, not for you - but because someone asked and demanded that you quit. Now, if he isn't in your life at the moment you are probably asking yourself why do you need to stay sober. All I can tell you... is please don't go back. Get some counseling. If you are having emotional pain, don't turn to a pill. Get some professional help. You have made it so far, and are such an inspiration to so many on the board. Remember your daughter, you wanted to break the cycle of addiction for her. But most of all, remember how calm your life is without the endless chase. The chase that never satisfies, is never enough and there is never, ever enough prescriptions or money to get what you need.

Play the tape all the way through. I know that you can do this. If you feel like SR isn't enough anymore, please reach out for outside help.

I wish I could be more help to you, and I wish that I was better at following my own advice. Stay strong. I'm going to try to be on here a lot more, so write back and let me know how you are doing!

FeelingGreat

You can do it, not because an outside person or force is stopping you, but from your inner strength. You say you get the craving when you get home; that's the time you relax and you associate it with using. OK, how can you change your routine to bypass that time?
Walk part of the way home? Go via the gym? I bet you've got plenty of strategies you can employ. It's just your head messing with you now, not physical withdrawal. You can outsmart it.

finaltime

Thanks for the help! I am sober today, and will continue to try my very very best. I do NOT WANT TO GO BACK, I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK. Yes, my man and I split, it was for the best and I am actually happier then ever, BUT my AV is wide awake now??? And it is SO SO SO ANNOYING to have to always SHUT IT UP. I loved never even thinking about using, but now that I am on my own again, I for some reason think "WHY stay sober now? Lets have some fun???" SO stupid. I will stay sober.

joygirl

Icandoit12,
I am new here. I know how you feel. I worry about the same thing happening tome, the cravings coming back. As the others said, do it for yourself! You know what the right thing to do is. You want to have some fun, feel better about yourself after the split. So have some fun! But think of ways without using. I know thats hard though. BUT, you have come here and thats a great step! If you believe you need more help, get it right away. You sound like a strong person.

Maylie

Although your SO is not there to watch you and tell you no, that does not mean that there isn't anyone there to tell you no or nobody to watch it. In fact, you have the ultimate person watching you to make sure you don't use and the ultimate person to tell you no and that person is YOU.

You are only the person that can keep you sober. You are the only person that has any control at all over whether you use or not and you are much stronger than you think!! You have a year under your belt, that is amazing and if you weren't strong or dedicated then you would have never made it that far! Believe in yourself and know that you are able to silence your AV and you are able to stay in recovery. How do you know that you are able to? Because you have done it for an entire year and today is no different than yesterday or the day before that!

Coming home from work is a hard time for many of us because we just had a long day and most of us associated relaxing with drug use. Maybe when you get home go to the gym? I found that really hitting the gym hard helped me work through those cravings. Its just like how anger can fuel you at the gym..well cravings can too! If you don't feel like going to the gym would work you can get home and then take a long walk to help clear your head or start practicing meditation or yoga..both help to clear your head and help you relax. If all else fails a good warm bath usually helps me.

Keep moving forward and remember that you are stronger than your AV and that you are the only one that can decide whether you use or not. Check out NA meetings, other recovery programs, or counseling if you feel that you need the extra support. It is better to over prepare then to find yourself in a bad situation. Remember, it only takes one time to ruin your life and we all know it just isn't worth it.

good luck!