so very sad, first night alone after husband left for rehab this morning
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: maryland
Posts: 86
so very sad, first night alone after husband left for rehab this morning
I am so pissed, and so sad at the same time.
I am so grateful he has decided to be brave and get treatment, but I still feel abandoned.
I have a 2 year old sleeping right now who is my reason for getting out of bed in the morning, and he couldn't find any good enough reason to stop taking pills.
He lied to doctors to get anything he could - Xanax, Percocet.
He lied to me every chance he got. He had the flu 5x in a month, spent weekends in bed, lost all interest in everything that we used to love to do.
Went to the "store" or to "get gas" and would be gone for 2 hours at a time.
Spent more than $2000 in a month on pills and left me this morning, with $165.00 in his bank account.
He swears he will be better. I want to throw up everytime I see something about how "relapse is part of the process" because I don't think I can do this ever again. What have I committed to? I am sad, for my daughter mostly, but for me too. I feel like someone died, honestly, and the crying & not being able to sleep at night feels like it will never end.
He's at Cornerstone Recovery center in Tennessee. 5 states away.
I miss him. and hate him at the same time.
I am so grateful he has decided to be brave and get treatment, but I still feel abandoned.
I have a 2 year old sleeping right now who is my reason for getting out of bed in the morning, and he couldn't find any good enough reason to stop taking pills.
He lied to doctors to get anything he could - Xanax, Percocet.
He lied to me every chance he got. He had the flu 5x in a month, spent weekends in bed, lost all interest in everything that we used to love to do.
Went to the "store" or to "get gas" and would be gone for 2 hours at a time.
Spent more than $2000 in a month on pills and left me this morning, with $165.00 in his bank account.
He swears he will be better. I want to throw up everytime I see something about how "relapse is part of the process" because I don't think I can do this ever again. What have I committed to? I am sad, for my daughter mostly, but for me too. I feel like someone died, honestly, and the crying & not being able to sleep at night feels like it will never end.
He's at Cornerstone Recovery center in Tennessee. 5 states away.
I miss him. and hate him at the same time.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by anxiouswife 
I am so pissed, and so sad at the same time.
I am so grateful he has decided to be brave and get treatment, but I still feel abandoned.
I have a 2 year old sleeping right now who is my reason for getting out of bed in the morning, and he couldn't find any good enough reason to stop taking pills.
He lied to doctors to get anything he could - Xanax, Percocet.
He lied to me every chance he got. He had the flu 5x in a month, spent weekends in bed, lost all interest in everything that we used to love to do.
Went to the "store" or to "get gas" and would be gone for 2 hours at a time.
Spent more than $2000 in a month on pills and left me this morning, with $165.00 in his bank account.
He swears he will be better. I want to throw up everytime I see something about how "relapse is part of the process" because I don't think I can do this ever again. What have I committed to? I am sad, for my daughter mostly, but for me too. I feel like someone died, honestly, and the crying & not being able to sleep at night feels like it will never end.
He's at Cornerstone Recovery center in Tennessee. 5 states away.
I miss him. and hate him at the same time.
I am so grateful he has decided to be brave and get treatment, but I still feel abandoned.
I have a 2 year old sleeping right now who is my reason for getting out of bed in the morning, and he couldn't find any good enough reason to stop taking pills.
He lied to doctors to get anything he could - Xanax, Percocet.
He lied to me every chance he got. He had the flu 5x in a month, spent weekends in bed, lost all interest in everything that we used to love to do.
Went to the "store" or to "get gas" and would be gone for 2 hours at a time.
Spent more than $2000 in a month on pills and left me this morning, with $165.00 in his bank account.
He swears he will be better. I want to throw up everytime I see something about how "relapse is part of the process" because I don't think I can do this ever again. What have I committed to? I am sad, for my daughter mostly, but for me too. I feel like someone died, honestly, and the crying & not being able to sleep at night feels like it will never end.
He's at Cornerstone Recovery center in Tennessee. 5 states away.
I miss him. and hate him at the same time.
Please check out Al anon/Nar anon in ur area ok? Have u gone into friends and family forum here? That is where u will find good support from families of addicts and alkies.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Has he been to rehab before? Very sorry you are feeling so alone - you should check out the Friends & Family forum here, they are very good about helping newcomers in your position. Good luck with everything, I wish you well.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: maryland
Posts: 86
it is the hardest thing ive ever done to go through the motions of everyday life right now...
I think about him every second. Wondering if hes sorry, if hes ok, if hes going to come out and ACTUALLY be better.
He laid it all out for me last night before he left. I'm disgusted by how much I didn't know, how naïve I was. It makes me sick to my stomach.
Have I just begun a lifelong battle? Is anyone strong enough to do this over and over again? Am I stupid for assuming one stint in rehab is NOT enough?
Ughhh...
Thanks for the replies. It feels better to know I'm not alone.
I think about him every second. Wondering if hes sorry, if hes ok, if hes going to come out and ACTUALLY be better.
He laid it all out for me last night before he left. I'm disgusted by how much I didn't know, how naïve I was. It makes me sick to my stomach.
Have I just begun a lifelong battle? Is anyone strong enough to do this over and over again? Am I stupid for assuming one stint in rehab is NOT enough?
Ughhh...
Thanks for the replies. It feels better to know I'm not alone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: maryland
Posts: 86
this is the first time in rehab. is there ever a first and only time?
I was informed that this has been going on for quite sometime, which I wish I could stop thinking about, its disturbing.
I don't know my own life anymore.
I was informed that this has been going on for quite sometime, which I wish I could stop thinking about, its disturbing.
I don't know my own life anymore.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 80
Just know its a devil that somehow consumes us, and despite our best efforts and the best partner/spouses ever we just aren't strong enough to stop it. I haven't been thru recovery yet, so I don't fully understand the healing part, but I know the abuse part and I can tell you this was no failing on your part or not for the lack of love.
I am a day away from Detox and Rehab, and I just feel like the biggest piece of shat ever. I honestly felt so bad and so guilty I contemplated suicide. Yet I decided this was the less painful option for him so I am moving forward. I am SO thankful he is supporting me in this.
Just in tears as I type this, so its not that we don't care or don't love, its just something inside of us that just overpowers all of that. Again I haven't been thru recovery so I cant explain it.
I just wanted to share my pain as maybe he is enduring the same pain as I am right now. I do wish you and him all the best and hopeful his recovery is successful.
I am a day away from Detox and Rehab, and I just feel like the biggest piece of shat ever. I honestly felt so bad and so guilty I contemplated suicide. Yet I decided this was the less painful option for him so I am moving forward. I am SO thankful he is supporting me in this.
Just in tears as I type this, so its not that we don't care or don't love, its just something inside of us that just overpowers all of that. Again I haven't been thru recovery so I cant explain it.
I just wanted to share my pain as maybe he is enduring the same pain as I am right now. I do wish you and him all the best and hopeful his recovery is successful.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by anxiouswife
I guess there is no only time?
I don't know if I can do this. If it makes sense, I love him too much to watch this train wreck.
I don't know if I can do this. If it makes sense, I love him too much to watch this train wreck.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,462
At least he is going for help, isn't that the best available option, as opposed to continuing down this path? Whether it takes the first time, that will be up to him. I've been to rehab and it didn't take, I went back out. But don't let that discourage you. I wasn't married either time so I was really only accountable to myself. He is also doing it for you and your kid, so that will give him extra motivation.
Like has been said, try to see if you have Al-Anon in your area. You will find people going through the same thing. Good luck
Like has been said, try to see if you have Al-Anon in your area. You will find people going through the same thing. Good luck
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I have been to rehab, once and once only. It's easy to stay sober in rehab when you are removed from your life and the triggers of addiction. It's when you get out that's the hard part. I had to fundamentally change my life including the people and places I associated with. If came out of rehab and just went right back to the same routine and hanging around the same people as I was before rehab, there is no way I could have stayed sober.
You can't control what he does but you can control how you react to it. Take good care of yourself please. The Long and Winding Road....
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Brisbane QLD
Posts: 897
hi you guys..this is a very poigniant thread...addiction or alcoholism have taken its toll on myself and my family..i got sober @ 26 and blew it at 32..37 now.,doin it again..my thoughts prayer7 and empathy to all in this thread..we can do it
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: maryland
Posts: 86
thank you so much for all of your kind words.
i hang on to every one of them. this is a god send of a place in the corner of the internet. i am looking into nar-anon. can anyone tell me what to expect there?
and also, i have a very intuitive & smart (too smart) 2.5 year old girl that demands to know where her daddy is. i said he's away for work and he'll be back soon and that he misses her very much. i have not figured out how to stop the water works whenever his name comes up.
i hang on to every one of them. this is a god send of a place in the corner of the internet. i am looking into nar-anon. can anyone tell me what to expect there?
and also, i have a very intuitive & smart (too smart) 2.5 year old girl that demands to know where her daddy is. i said he's away for work and he'll be back soon and that he misses her very much. i have not figured out how to stop the water works whenever his name comes up.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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I think NarAnon and AlAnon will help you to look after yourself in this situation and to stop focusing all your energy on your husband. He needs to take care of his recovery and you also need to recover.
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