Anonn

Hi everyone. I just joined. I just found out my wife has been using cocaine. We've been married for less than 6mos and together for 6 years. Turns out she has been using for several months secretly. We've never had any communication issues, and minimal relationship problems. We are both in our twenties, I have a good job, she has a job, several degrees and a masters. Far as I was concerned we are happily married and moving forward with our lives. Now I get this bombshell dropped on me and I don't know what to make of it or where to turn. She says she uses to get through the stress of work. She is the hardest working, most dedicated person I know. I found out from some funny actions, and when I confronted her about it she lied right off the bad, but I was persistent enough to get a confession the same day. Tells me she can just stop, isn't addicted, it's not that bad, yadda yadda...what every addict says...Minimizing and denial. She won't tell me the frequency, how much, or how much she spends. Says it isn't bad, can go a few weeks at a time without, sometimes a month. But this last time used more than usual, which caused her to become careless and noticeable she was high. She has brought this into my home and it angers me to no end. Now I feel betrayed by my best friend and foolish for not figuring it out sooner, from various signs that I missed. Sometimes she'll stay out late after work, get a drink, whatever. I never had a reason to question or distrust. Now I can't. Other than this we are a trusting and law abiding family. It is so outside our norm, I cannot believe I was even having this conversation. I think I have intervened just in time before it got worse, she says she won't use any more. I told her this is the one thing I will not stand for. I don't know what to do, or if I can believe her any more. I don't want to be mad, I want to forgive and move on. if it stops, ill be ok. But I'm not sure it will and at the same time I don't want to be too easy on her and make it clear that I won't stand for it. So that bout sums it up for now. I don't really have anybody else to talk to about it, I'd prefer to keep it between us in respect to family/friends. At least we have opened the line of communication on it, but I don't know where to go, what to do from here.

guiltyparty

Have you taken her aside and had a REAL one on one?

bigsombrero

Hey Anonn,

You'll get support here - but have you checked out the Friends & Family forum? They are experts there and IMO offer the most rational support of any community here, especially for spouses like yourself. Swing on over and take a look.

In the meantime, welcome!

Anonn

Yes I have. Also want to add that otherwise she is financially responsible, still pays bills,etc... I just know how this road can go and want to nip it in the bit as much as I can now.

Thanks. No I have not. Sorry if I have posted in the wrong place. This is my first attempt to reach out I just can't keep this cooped up any longer.