20 Indicators for Co-dependency or Co-addiction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
20 Indicators for Co-dependency or Co-addiction
This just came across my twitter feed:
20 Indicators for Co-dependency or Co-addiction | Neuroscience and Relationships
The last paragraph really summed it all up:
I'm grateful to everyone that helped me break my bonds and free myself.
20 Indicators for Co-dependency or Co-addiction | Neuroscience and Relationships
The last paragraph really summed it all up:
As with addiction patterns, co-dependency or co-addiction is an impaired way of thinking that enslaves the mind. Mental enslavement occurs whenever the mind holds a rigid belief that causes us to feel as if we have no choice, no other alternative but to turn to some substance or person or activity for comfort, fulfillment. It arrests personal development and instead promotes “dependency” of self and others to fear-based ways of creating “safety” in love relationship.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Thank you for posting this!!! The first five hit me like a ton of bricks, even though I've been working on myself.
Last night a friend told me that a recent interaction with a new friend that I brought around caused her to feel rage. He'd asked her questions that she felt were too personal, about a topic that is difficult for her.
I felt sick to my stomach along with a bunch of other unpleasant feelings. But my progress is that I immediately recognized that my feelings about this are not healthy. I can't be responsible for how everyone else interacts, how they feel about one another. I'm not here on the planet to protect everyone from each other. I did say "I'm sorry about that, because I don't want you to ever feel badly. But I know it's not my doing or my issue." (Because we give each other a hard time constantly about over-apologizing for everything.)
I talked about how it made me feel (GAHHHH!!!! People are upset and it's my fault!) and she talked about why she really felt the rage. She said it was mostly that these are issues she doesn't want to face, and since she has limited social interaction right now it made her feel vulnerable to get out then be faced with stuff she doesn't want to think about. Also because she felt defenseless, angry and then worried that she would overreact and make me uncomfortable. We talked about appropriate boundaries and how if we acknowledge our right to them and have the tools to politely stick up for ourselves when we feel they are broached, it isn't so rage inducing. That has come up just yesterday on the Forum. It seemed to strike her positively that it's totally her right to just say "That's not something I like to discuss." She didn't feel like it was okay to do that when it happened.
So I think we both made progress and identified areas where we need to do our own work. It helps greatly that she's aware of what I am doing and has done some similar al-anon work in the past.
It's funny though, I think I am doing so well most of the time because nothing like this happens. Then a challenge comes along and bam, I'm a little kid again trying to keep my divorced parents apart at the school play so they don't cause a scene or cause one another pain.
Last night a friend told me that a recent interaction with a new friend that I brought around caused her to feel rage. He'd asked her questions that she felt were too personal, about a topic that is difficult for her.
I felt sick to my stomach along with a bunch of other unpleasant feelings. But my progress is that I immediately recognized that my feelings about this are not healthy. I can't be responsible for how everyone else interacts, how they feel about one another. I'm not here on the planet to protect everyone from each other. I did say "I'm sorry about that, because I don't want you to ever feel badly. But I know it's not my doing or my issue." (Because we give each other a hard time constantly about over-apologizing for everything.)
I talked about how it made me feel (GAHHHH!!!! People are upset and it's my fault!) and she talked about why she really felt the rage. She said it was mostly that these are issues she doesn't want to face, and since she has limited social interaction right now it made her feel vulnerable to get out then be faced with stuff she doesn't want to think about. Also because she felt defenseless, angry and then worried that she would overreact and make me uncomfortable. We talked about appropriate boundaries and how if we acknowledge our right to them and have the tools to politely stick up for ourselves when we feel they are broached, it isn't so rage inducing. That has come up just yesterday on the Forum. It seemed to strike her positively that it's totally her right to just say "That's not something I like to discuss." She didn't feel like it was okay to do that when it happened.
So I think we both made progress and identified areas where we need to do our own work. It helps greatly that she's aware of what I am doing and has done some similar al-anon work in the past.
It's funny though, I think I am doing so well most of the time because nothing like this happens. Then a challenge comes along and bam, I'm a little kid again trying to keep my divorced parents apart at the school play so they don't cause a scene or cause one another pain.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Codependency sucks!
================================
Vales codependency (cliff notes)
1.If you are approaching it,veer away.
2.If you are in it,get out.
3.If you are encountering difficulties getting out,get help.
4.It's not all about you.If you find strategies that work
for you---share them with others who are hurting,too.
================================
Vales codependency (cliff notes)
1.If you are approaching it,veer away.
2.If you are in it,get out.
3.If you are encountering difficulties getting out,get help.
4.It's not all about you.If you find strategies that work
for you---share them with others who are hurting,too.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
