Wilde8673

Hi- I've been reading as a guest for awhile, and i guess you could say i've hit an emotional rock bottom. I've been in AA before, most recently last spring. I'm scared because i am depressed and virtually alone. My only two "good" friends are drinkers, no family around. I'm embarrased to go back to AA, feel like my family is falling apart, me and my 2 girls, and they need me-they need me sober and strong. Afraid i will lose the 2 friends i have. I know i can't deal with my depression and my family situation without being sober, but i really have no support. Just expected to keep on keeping on as a single mother, going to a job i have no energy for to keep things moving. I feel so alone, but know from other sober stories and meeting others prior in AA that there is something better in recovery. In emotional pain today, but it helps to just puruse the site and it kills time. Thanks for reading.

Dee74

Hi Wilde

I think the fear of change kept me drinking too - however bad my life was, I didn't want to lose the friends I had, or change my life in any real way because I was scared that whatever replaced it might be worse.

The face is getting sober was the best thing I ever did - bar none.

If your friends are real friends, they'll stick by you - if they;re just drinking buddies you deserve real friends.

It's pointless to feel embarrassed about going back to AA too - you're not the first, and you won't be the last, person to relapse - thats what AA, and all those other recovery groups, are for

It's a scary leap of faith getting sober - but it's better than doing nothing.
I did nothing, and things got incredibly worse, incredibly quickly - that was REALLY scary,

you're not alone - there's a ton of support here too

D

Hevyn

Welcome Wilde! It's wonderful to have you join us.

I know how you feel - it's so hard to let go of something you've used to try and cope. Yet it really doesn't help us - it steals our spirit and makes us miserable. You can leave it behind and have a better life. We hope you'll keep posting - we're all behind you, and understand what you're going through.

Tamerua

Hi Wilde, you know you would have more energy if you stop drinking, I sure did. And don't be embarrassed about going back, that's what it is for, to be supportive. And you would meet people.

Wilde8673

Thanks for the kind words...it helps just to hear some hope in your posts and some promise of better times. I know i have to do the work. I guess my fear of going back to AA is due to the fact that it's not the first time i've gone back, and i'm afraid of people looking at me with skepticism. I know i'm not the first. It's just excuses on my part, that i'll just have to get over it.

Garden Girl

Remember, you have friends right here 24 hours. I think the emotional part of sobriety is sometimes the hardest, and being here has really helped me. Please reach out if you need a friend, that's what we are all here for

Sally3127

I relapsed last year and walking back into AA was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but I am so grateful I did. You are definitely not alone. The rooms of AA are filled with people who have relapsed but we keep on coming back because we want to get sober and have a better life. Don't let fear keep you from recovery. The people at AA will welcome you with open arms. They did for me and I'm six months sober tomorrow because of it.

Recovery1983

Trust me when I say that the true people in recovery do not care that you relapsed. They know that they can only stay sober by helping the newcomer. I'm not trying to minimize your feelings and fear of going back, because I had those same feelings and fears. I have become one of those chronic relapsers. I'm 30 years old, yet I feel like my AA/NA age is like 70.

If you truly can't come to terms to seeing the same people, choose a different meeting or a different time. Honestly, I have yet to hear anyone in the rooms who doesn't have a relapse as part of their story. When i'm in my meeting, it's been so long since i've looked at the differences. When I'm in the rooms, all I hear are the similarities. It takes what it takes to get back into the rooms, and a lot of people have some pretty nasty stories, including myself.

I went to a meeting today, and there were two people on day 1 today. I just thought how brave it was of them to be able to come back on their first day. In the past, it usually took me several days to a week before I came back. I was either too ashamed or just wanted to hide in my room. I'm on day 4 again, and it took me two days before I got back in. Just go to a meeting, even if that means that you feel like you want to crawl out of your skin while you are there.