First post.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 2
First post.
Hi everyone, I am the long term partner of an opiate addict and I think I am at the end of the road. I have come across this site though browsing on the web searching for help but the answer is looking very obvious.
I have to find the courage to take myself out of this cycle.
I am 50, my partner is 60 and he is still using. At the moment, I have just discovered he is crushing and injecting morphine tablets. His heroin dealer has been put in jail. He is also half way though treatment for HepC. He has also been on methadone for about 15 years in total and has been on 25mg for the past 6 or 7 years.
He has apparently had long periods of only taking methadone but I don't know what the truth is anymore.
He says he has tried to stop and can't and now says he's not ready to talk about it. I take that to mean he's not ready to stop. I have tried so hard through all the years to help him to stop but after 22 years, I can finally see, I cannot help him at all. His using has gone from occassional cannabis use, to heavy cannabis use, to codeine abuse, then the methadone started, then crack cocaine and for the past eight years, a mixture of heroin and morphine (IV).
In his hippy days he was an IV user and alcoholic. He stopped drinking, with professional help and took himself off heroin. He hasn't had any alcohol in over 30 years but his period of being clean with drugs was only a few years.
I don't know that I can take any more. He hasn't worked for two years, has no income of any kind. I am a professional worker so he takes money from our account. He disguises the withdrawals.
I have wanted to take the cash cards off him but the clinics have told me that "policing" him is not the answer.
Now, I'm off sick from work because I can't focus. I went away for five days. We have two dogs and it tore me apart leaving them and he knows how desperate I must have been to do that but he made no contact with me.
I'm back home and he still won't talk about it.
The house is in both our names so I can't just leave. I need to borrow money and pay him to get out. His Hep C treatment doesn't finish until August. He will have no option but to return to Ireland, he has a house there but will have to stay here until his treatment is over.
I am finding it so hard to pluck up the courage to talk to him. I get breathless at the thought of it.
Sorry, this is so long winded. I have cried so many tears and my head hurts so much.
I have to find the courage to take myself out of this cycle.
I am 50, my partner is 60 and he is still using. At the moment, I have just discovered he is crushing and injecting morphine tablets. His heroin dealer has been put in jail. He is also half way though treatment for HepC. He has also been on methadone for about 15 years in total and has been on 25mg for the past 6 or 7 years.
He has apparently had long periods of only taking methadone but I don't know what the truth is anymore.
He says he has tried to stop and can't and now says he's not ready to talk about it. I take that to mean he's not ready to stop. I have tried so hard through all the years to help him to stop but after 22 years, I can finally see, I cannot help him at all. His using has gone from occassional cannabis use, to heavy cannabis use, to codeine abuse, then the methadone started, then crack cocaine and for the past eight years, a mixture of heroin and morphine (IV).
In his hippy days he was an IV user and alcoholic. He stopped drinking, with professional help and took himself off heroin. He hasn't had any alcohol in over 30 years but his period of being clean with drugs was only a few years.
I don't know that I can take any more. He hasn't worked for two years, has no income of any kind. I am a professional worker so he takes money from our account. He disguises the withdrawals.
I have wanted to take the cash cards off him but the clinics have told me that "policing" him is not the answer.
Now, I'm off sick from work because I can't focus. I went away for five days. We have two dogs and it tore me apart leaving them and he knows how desperate I must have been to do that but he made no contact with me.
I'm back home and he still won't talk about it.
The house is in both our names so I can't just leave. I need to borrow money and pay him to get out. His Hep C treatment doesn't finish until August. He will have no option but to return to Ireland, he has a house there but will have to stay here until his treatment is over.
I am finding it so hard to pluck up the courage to talk to him. I get breathless at the thought of it.
Sorry, this is so long winded. I have cried so many tears and my head hurts so much.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Welcome!
We can offer our experience, strength, and hope; but I wish we could just send somebody out to fix things! Well, this situation didn't appear overnight, and one way or another it's going to continue for a while. Please stick with us! I think we can be helpful. There is a lot of wisdom here from a lot of people who have similar events in their lives. Especially look at Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information.
Thanks for joining!
We can offer our experience, strength, and hope; but I wish we could just send somebody out to fix things! Well, this situation didn't appear overnight, and one way or another it's going to continue for a while. Please stick with us! I think we can be helpful. There is a lot of wisdom here from a lot of people who have similar events in their lives. Especially look at Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information.
Thanks for joining!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
I and many others have found Al Anon of great benefit for all involved. Based on AA concepts some reject it and can’t handle the truth of what’s needed and continue to be in pain. Those that embrace it do become richer inside. BE WELL
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
This is a good place to be. Have you thought of alanon? And I'm not sure about the clinics saying not to police the money, but I don't personally believe that you should need to fund it either.
Start taking care of yourself. And keep posting here.
Start taking care of yourself. And keep posting here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
to SR! You're in a tough spot.
I think you know what you have to do, just don't want to think about actually doing it. How long are you willing to be tied to his addiction? It's not doing you any good. I hope you can find some peace of mind soon. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
Welcome to you...as posted before: Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
will be very helpful to you
for your own sake get off this disastrous hamster wheel. Your life is worth living. Seek out local Nar-Anon and Al-Anon family groups.
Believe me there is a life and new found identity beyond enabling this person. Best to you and your family.
will be very helpful to you
for your own sake get off this disastrous hamster wheel. Your life is worth living. Seek out local Nar-Anon and Al-Anon family groups.
Believe me there is a life and new found identity beyond enabling this person. Best to you and your family.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 2
Free!!
Hello all,
I have taken that step......and how good do I feel! I have finally managed to make the decision to break free of this destroying relationship.
I am today, asking my lawyer to draw up a full and final settlement and then to the bank to borrow a lot of money, to give him his half.
Totally unfair, as he has more than blown his share but to be free of him soon is the best solution for me. It means working full time until I am 65 and not have any pension worth talking about but worth it all for quality of life.
Getting him on a plane is now dependent on sorting a methadone supply in the UK....then the ticket will be booked.....
So many tears have been shed but once i had the courage to make that decision, this is the best I have felt in over twenty years......hello life!!
I have taken that step......and how good do I feel! I have finally managed to make the decision to break free of this destroying relationship.
I am today, asking my lawyer to draw up a full and final settlement and then to the bank to borrow a lot of money, to give him his half.
Totally unfair, as he has more than blown his share but to be free of him soon is the best solution for me. It means working full time until I am 65 and not have any pension worth talking about but worth it all for quality of life.
Getting him on a plane is now dependent on sorting a methadone supply in the UK....then the ticket will be booked.....
So many tears have been shed but once i had the courage to make that decision, this is the best I have felt in over twenty years......hello life!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi estepona. I didn't see your post the first time around, & just now read it. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that pain and frustration - but happy you've come up with a solution. I hope you'll let us know how it's going.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
