newcomer trying to get through the day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario
Posts: 82
newcomer trying to get through the day
I’ve lurked here a little bit in the past 6 months. Just a couple times, and always thinking- this is not for me. I don't have a problem. I can control it. That's what I was thinking then, but it helped me a couple times to stay sober, to come here and read. Other times, drunk, I looked, because of feeling yucky about how I was and wondering if I had a problem. I hope that doesn't bother anyone, it was part of me trying to explore the idea a bit that maybe I did have a problem.
I don’t know if I’m an alcoholic but definitely I use alcohol to escape, me , my life, feelings. I usually have pretty rigid control and can go long periods without ( though not as long as I used to). So the periods between have been less and less. And it gets harder and harder to stop.
It’s very hard to stop this time. I’m doing everything I can think of and it’s still hard. It makes no sense to me that I would want something that will make me feel like ****. But it’s all I can think about.
I can’t have just one.
I feel kind of appalled I am saying all this, but another part of me there is relief.
Not sure how often I will post here, but I’m Canadian, 36. I work but other than that am very introverted, isolated. I have a lot of personal problems I guess, grew up in a bad family, I have a therapist helping me with that stuff. But all of that is partly what leads me to drink I guess. To just run away from it.
I don’t know if this will help writing here. I’m just trying to get through the day. It's a rude awakening how tough this is becoming for me.
I don’t know if I’m an alcoholic but definitely I use alcohol to escape, me , my life, feelings. I usually have pretty rigid control and can go long periods without ( though not as long as I used to). So the periods between have been less and less. And it gets harder and harder to stop.
It’s very hard to stop this time. I’m doing everything I can think of and it’s still hard. It makes no sense to me that I would want something that will make me feel like ****. But it’s all I can think about.
I can’t have just one.
I feel kind of appalled I am saying all this, but another part of me there is relief.
Not sure how often I will post here, but I’m Canadian, 36. I work but other than that am very introverted, isolated. I have a lot of personal problems I guess, grew up in a bad family, I have a therapist helping me with that stuff. But all of that is partly what leads me to drink I guess. To just run away from it.
I don’t know if this will help writing here. I’m just trying to get through the day. It's a rude awakening how tough this is becoming for me.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Welcome, Milly!
I'm hoping this site is already helping you. Stick around, there's lots of people who have been where you are.
Non-alcoholics don't worry about drinking. If they don't want a drink, they don't take one--and if they do want a drink, they can take just one.
I ended up in a supervised detox program, after going to the ER. Really the only symptom I had was that I wanted a drink. But it was 10 am, we had already downed three bottles of wine, and there was little money to buy any more. The detox program was low-cost, but we sold my pickup truck to pay other expenses related to the final drunk.
So I went through withdrawal with a doctor's assistance. I was prescribed something to help with sleep and anxiety, and with the support of AA got off all drugs and am now sober five months (my wife too, almost; she bought one bottle of wine while I was in detox, and so she hasn't made five months yet).
Best wishes!
∞CF
I'm hoping this site is already helping you. Stick around, there's lots of people who have been where you are.
Non-alcoholics don't worry about drinking. If they don't want a drink, they don't take one--and if they do want a drink, they can take just one.
I ended up in a supervised detox program, after going to the ER. Really the only symptom I had was that I wanted a drink. But it was 10 am, we had already downed three bottles of wine, and there was little money to buy any more. The detox program was low-cost, but we sold my pickup truck to pay other expenses related to the final drunk.
So I went through withdrawal with a doctor's assistance. I was prescribed something to help with sleep and anxiety, and with the support of AA got off all drugs and am now sober five months (my wife too, almost; she bought one bottle of wine while I was in detox, and so she hasn't made five months yet).
Best wishes!
∞CF
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Thanks for sharing Milly, This is a good place to explore your options, find support or determine if you are an alcoholic. Whether you want to label yourself an alcoholic or not if you want to stop drinking, we may be able to help. Maybe you will be able to relate to some of our stories. Hopefully you will find hope.
Either way you have found a place of encouragement and I hope you continue to come back again and again!
God Bless you!
Either way you have found a place of encouragement and I hope you continue to come back again and again!
God Bless you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: The South Pacific
Posts: 306
Hey Milly.
I lurked for a long time--and was on the fence for a while about posting. Since..you know I hadn't decided if I was a "problem" or not.
A family member said something that stuck with me a long time ago. She said if you're wondering if you have a problem with alcohol, alcohol is a problem.
It didn't make much sense then, but it sure does now.
I finally reached a point last weekend where I was finished with what I was doing to myself and those around me.
I wish you the best, and keep reading/posting when you feel like it. This site has done a lot for me this week--and I've not touched a drop. Feels pretty good.
Take care, and best.
SB
I lurked for a long time--and was on the fence for a while about posting. Since..you know I hadn't decided if I was a "problem" or not.
A family member said something that stuck with me a long time ago. She said if you're wondering if you have a problem with alcohol, alcohol is a problem.
It didn't make much sense then, but it sure does now.
I finally reached a point last weekend where I was finished with what I was doing to myself and those around me.
I wish you the best, and keep reading/posting when you feel like it. This site has done a lot for me this week--and I've not touched a drop. Feels pretty good.
Take care, and best.
SB
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I'm glad you found us and joined the family! This site helped me get sober over three years ago. I also see a counselor and find her very helpful. I hope we can help you get and stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
You don't have to live like this.. I'm an alcoholic, I can't drink like a normal person.. Try not to look to far in the future.. Just don't drink today! Take it a day at a time, an hour at a time or even a minute at a time.. Don't drink today.. The stuff is poison!!
Wishing you the best.. Educate yourself.. There are many methods out there that work!
Wishing you the best.. Educate yourself.. There are many methods out there that work!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
I know how you feel, Milly. I was the same sort of drinker at one time. My drinking did escalate later in life - and in the end, I found myself completely dependent on it. It's good you're taking a look at what it's doing to you. We're here to help you sort it out and decide what's best for you.
I wish I'd admitted what alcohol was doing to me in my 30's. You can save yourself so much misery and grief later on. Glad you joined the family.
I wish I'd admitted what alcohol was doing to me in my 30's. You can save yourself so much misery and grief later on. Glad you joined the family.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi Milly and Welcome!
It's really hard to admit that you have a problem with alcohol. It's good that you have realized you need help and are here seeking support. We do understand how frustrating this disease is to live with. I'm glad you're getting help from a therapist because stopping drinking is the first step. But, dealing with the issues that got you here is also important.
It's really hard to admit that you have a problem with alcohol. It's good that you have realized you need help and are here seeking support. We do understand how frustrating this disease is to live with. I'm glad you're getting help from a therapist because stopping drinking is the first step. But, dealing with the issues that got you here is also important.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario
Posts: 82
Hi thanks everyone for the warm welcome. It really helped me to see such an immediate and warm response.
Yeah the name it's called doesn't really matter, I know I have a problem. I've been resisting admitting that for a long while. I got a little closer at xmas, then I stopped, as usual, thought it was fine, until this week, drank last weekend and having trouble stopping.
Today I went to the gym, went for a walk on top of that, just trying to pass the time. Will watch a movie tonight.
I keep thinking a drink or two, it's no big deal. But I'm kidding myself, it would be more, and I would feel bad- out of touch, foggy, not strong tomorrow.
The thing is, it would work, would make the anxiety go away- I get very anxious- but it just buries it and brings a whole bunch of other problems instead. So I'm committed right now, and doing everything I can.
Thanks for reading and sharing. It does help.
Yeah the name it's called doesn't really matter, I know I have a problem. I've been resisting admitting that for a long while. I got a little closer at xmas, then I stopped, as usual, thought it was fine, until this week, drank last weekend and having trouble stopping.
Today I went to the gym, went for a walk on top of that, just trying to pass the time. Will watch a movie tonight.
I keep thinking a drink or two, it's no big deal. But I'm kidding myself, it would be more, and I would feel bad- out of touch, foggy, not strong tomorrow.
The thing is, it would work, would make the anxiety go away- I get very anxious- but it just buries it and brings a whole bunch of other problems instead. So I'm committed right now, and doing everything I can.
Thanks for reading and sharing. It does help.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: southern Oregon
Posts: 365
milly,
A drink or two doesn't seem like a big deal, it wasn't to me for a long time. But it's what happens when the first few lead to, well, more and more, and more often, and lots of ugly things that happen because of those. I've quit for a year here or there, and couldn't wait til my deadline was up, so I could "reward" myself for not being an "alcoholic"......so ironic, eh?
This time, it's been 2 weeks today, and I don't have a time limit, cause then I feel like I'm just biding my time until it's back to usual. I want a new usual, and I LOVE not waking up feeling like sh** everyday!
I wish I would've found this awesome website years ago, when I was where you are....I might have had a different life today. So many people here to give tips, stories, help, and encouragement, what a lifeline!
Please keep posting, and good luck to you!
A drink or two doesn't seem like a big deal, it wasn't to me for a long time. But it's what happens when the first few lead to, well, more and more, and more often, and lots of ugly things that happen because of those. I've quit for a year here or there, and couldn't wait til my deadline was up, so I could "reward" myself for not being an "alcoholic"......so ironic, eh?
This time, it's been 2 weeks today, and I don't have a time limit, cause then I feel like I'm just biding my time until it's back to usual. I want a new usual, and I LOVE not waking up feeling like sh** everyday!
I wish I would've found this awesome website years ago, when I was where you are....I might have had a different life today. So many people here to give tips, stories, help, and encouragement, what a lifeline!
Please keep posting, and good luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: southern Oregon
Posts: 365
Oops, continuing earlier post:
I was also feeling that weird anxiety, it started to affect almost everything I did, even driving. Since I stopped drinking, it seems to have gone away. I really never knew that alcohol was doing that to me until I read other people's posts here; didn't ever know that those two were related.
Anyways, you can learn a lot on this site; I've been reading here everyday!
~Heartfan
I was also feeling that weird anxiety, it started to affect almost everything I did, even driving. Since I stopped drinking, it seems to have gone away. I really never knew that alcohol was doing that to me until I read other people's posts here; didn't ever know that those two were related.
Anyways, you can learn a lot on this site; I've been reading here everyday!
~Heartfan
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