My dad's an alcoholic, will I become one too?
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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My dad's an alcoholic, will I become one too?
I apologize for the long post, but i think all of this is important in order to come to a conclusion.
It's come to a point where my family and I don't quite know what to do. My father's been an alcoholic for years, but his problem has become more severe in the past five years.
I'm eighteen. Yet I've never really realized my dad had a problem until we moved five years ago from our previous home. When I got older I became more aware of what surrounded me.
My parents owned a business for many years and I remember my dad being passed out in the building, yet I was young and I thought nothing of it, I didn't know what alcohol did to a person, let alone what it was. Our home was right next door to the business. My mother told me that she would wake up around 2 am to go close the lights and pick up the beer bottles scattered around the club house. He would sometimes drink later before the business closed.
It's hard to understand how someone can result to alcohol to resolve their problems. My father has become violent. It may not happen often but I always keep my phone on me in case my mom needs my help. He's put a knife to his throat, smashed a beer bottle to his forehead and pushed my mother. He's never hit any of us though. Usually when my dad drinks he tries to hide the fact that he is, he sneaks bottles upstairs in his pockets or something.
Some weeks he can go through around eight cases of beer. Other weeks, only one. It depends. My mom gets frustrated when he drinks. My dad now works from home (he's also on unemployement) and does the accounting for his friend's company, which takes a maximum of four hours of his day, yet he never cleans up after himself, expects my sister (who's fourteen), my mother and I to clean and make him dinner because "he pays most of the bills".
I have a younger sister and an older sister who moved out four years ago (who's moving back in June), and she says she's going to confront my father about his alcoholism, yet I personally think verbally attacking him about it isn't a good idea, alcoholism is a disease. My dad's family knows about it, but they don't like to put their nose in it. I was told my dad's side of the famely has a problem with holding their alcohol, as in they get crazy when they consume. My aunt stopped drinking and my grand-father's only drinks on occasions.
Everytime we tell him to stop drinking he tells us we're all against him, us four (girls) and that it's not going to work, because it's his house. (yet the house is in my mom's name). He stopped drinking after the knife incident claiming he could stop for three months (when he was drunk) and he did and he uses that against us. My mom wants him to move out but financially I don't think it would work, my parents don't make much money.
And me, I like to drink, I know my limits; if I feel sick I stop and it doesn't take much to get me drunk but I will drink a couple beers on a weeknight and I do like the feeling. I personally don't think i'll become an alcoholic but who does? I don't want to end up like my dad, but I also don't want to set boundaries just because of my dad.
How should we let him know he has a problem? He always feels personally attacked and finds something to use against us when we talk about it. He brings up finances mostly every time he's drunk or things from the past and says my mom doesn't do anything when she's the one who has a full-time job. He also talks to himself a lot. When my dad's not drinking he's a good man. Unless it's the morning after, otherwise he's cranky and rude. I just need to know what we can do or how we can make him face reality.
- thanks in advance.
It's come to a point where my family and I don't quite know what to do. My father's been an alcoholic for years, but his problem has become more severe in the past five years.
I'm eighteen. Yet I've never really realized my dad had a problem until we moved five years ago from our previous home. When I got older I became more aware of what surrounded me.
My parents owned a business for many years and I remember my dad being passed out in the building, yet I was young and I thought nothing of it, I didn't know what alcohol did to a person, let alone what it was. Our home was right next door to the business. My mother told me that she would wake up around 2 am to go close the lights and pick up the beer bottles scattered around the club house. He would sometimes drink later before the business closed.
It's hard to understand how someone can result to alcohol to resolve their problems. My father has become violent. It may not happen often but I always keep my phone on me in case my mom needs my help. He's put a knife to his throat, smashed a beer bottle to his forehead and pushed my mother. He's never hit any of us though. Usually when my dad drinks he tries to hide the fact that he is, he sneaks bottles upstairs in his pockets or something.
Some weeks he can go through around eight cases of beer. Other weeks, only one. It depends. My mom gets frustrated when he drinks. My dad now works from home (he's also on unemployement) and does the accounting for his friend's company, which takes a maximum of four hours of his day, yet he never cleans up after himself, expects my sister (who's fourteen), my mother and I to clean and make him dinner because "he pays most of the bills".
I have a younger sister and an older sister who moved out four years ago (who's moving back in June), and she says she's going to confront my father about his alcoholism, yet I personally think verbally attacking him about it isn't a good idea, alcoholism is a disease. My dad's family knows about it, but they don't like to put their nose in it. I was told my dad's side of the famely has a problem with holding their alcohol, as in they get crazy when they consume. My aunt stopped drinking and my grand-father's only drinks on occasions.
Everytime we tell him to stop drinking he tells us we're all against him, us four (girls) and that it's not going to work, because it's his house. (yet the house is in my mom's name). He stopped drinking after the knife incident claiming he could stop for three months (when he was drunk) and he did and he uses that against us. My mom wants him to move out but financially I don't think it would work, my parents don't make much money.
And me, I like to drink, I know my limits; if I feel sick I stop and it doesn't take much to get me drunk but I will drink a couple beers on a weeknight and I do like the feeling. I personally don't think i'll become an alcoholic but who does? I don't want to end up like my dad, but I also don't want to set boundaries just because of my dad.
How should we let him know he has a problem? He always feels personally attacked and finds something to use against us when we talk about it. He brings up finances mostly every time he's drunk or things from the past and says my mom doesn't do anything when she's the one who has a full-time job. He also talks to himself a lot. When my dad's not drinking he's a good man. Unless it's the morning after, otherwise he's cranky and rude. I just need to know what we can do or how we can make him face reality.
- thanks in advance.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi ohrwurm - welcome 
I'm sorry for your situation with your dad - I wish I could tell you there were magic words that make people stop drinking and seek help - but there's just not.
Sounds like you've already tried to talked to your dad and he turned it back on your guys.
Sometimes all we can do is look after ourselves. Have you heard of AlAnon? It's a 12 step based support for the loved ones of alcoholics...we have Family and Friends forums here for support too.
and noone can tell you if you might be an alcoholic or not - sometimes it seems like theres a genetic determinant, but sometimes there doesn't seem to be, in other cases it doesn't seem to kick in....so the only answer I can give you, honestly, is 'who knows?'
D
I'm sorry for your situation with your dad - I wish I could tell you there were magic words that make people stop drinking and seek help - but there's just not.
Sounds like you've already tried to talked to your dad and he turned it back on your guys.
Sometimes all we can do is look after ourselves. Have you heard of AlAnon? It's a 12 step based support for the loved ones of alcoholics...we have Family and Friends forums here for support too.
and noone can tell you if you might be an alcoholic or not - sometimes it seems like theres a genetic determinant, but sometimes there doesn't seem to be, in other cases it doesn't seem to kick in....so the only answer I can give you, honestly, is 'who knows?'
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Living with love.
Posts: 45
Hi, sorry to hear about your situation.
Here's my response to your question in short parable form.
*Two brothers ( twins) experienced an alcoholic father growing up. When they became adults one of the twins drank heavily and the other one didn't touch a drop. The one who abstained had health issues early on and the drinking twin encountered health problems later in life*
Sometimes ( as much as we would like it to be so) there is not really an X+Y =Z approach to these matters.
I hope you find your own peace x o
Here's my response to your question in short parable form.
*Two brothers ( twins) experienced an alcoholic father growing up. When they became adults one of the twins drank heavily and the other one didn't touch a drop. The one who abstained had health issues early on and the drinking twin encountered health problems later in life*
Sometimes ( as much as we would like it to be so) there is not really an X+Y =Z approach to these matters.
I hope you find your own peace x o
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by ohrwurm 
How should we let him know he has a problem?
- thanks in advance.
- thanks in advance.
The family and loved ones all get together and kinda catch the alcoholic off guard and hold a family meeting where each person shares with the alcoholic how his alcoholism is effecting them. It helps to catch the alcoholic when he is vulnerable such as after a spree or a binge. Like the next morning when they are feeling sick and low.
I would look into it.
When AA began in 1935, it started with one alkie helping another. They discovered that talking to each other worked better than anything they had ever tried before.
You may want to take a look at the AA Big Book. It will give you a better understanding of alcoholism as a disease.There is a chapter to the wives. Maybe your Mom would like to read it. Here is a link.
Linked with Permission Of AA World Services,inc
Big Book On Line
Begin with Chapter called Dr Opinion.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
I think it is important to be aware of it. I come from a family of alcoholics so it is not surprising I turned out to be one. However, I never thought I would become one as I swore I wouldn't be like my mother!
I've told my daughter that she needs to be aware of this and keep vigilant if alcohol becomes a problem for her.
I've told my daughter that she needs to be aware of this and keep vigilant if alcohol becomes a problem for her.
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