I tried getting clean the first time back in November. I made it 5 days and then relapsed.
I wrote this:
It's dark here, a secret covered under sheer fabric
A secret I try to hide but is clearly seen by the sober
In a high mind state all is right and my demons are un-noticed
In a sober mind state "I want to remain free but my mind and body DECEIT my will.
My will is pure, my mind and body need retrained.
I am high again...I am alone again...I am lieing again.
Here I sit, a selfish high Mommy. High and Mommy are two words that should never go together.
I am stronger then this, more intelligent then this. I love my babes to much for this.