DesperadoBlond

So, I just got back from a meeting, with someone important, who gave me feedback on how to get my career back on track.

This is someone I am quite in awe of who out of the kindness of her heart (I assume) picked me up, in AA, and kind of started coaching me. She has taken me to coffee, in very nice places, twice now and is asking me the questions I no doubt need to be asked and is giving me her opinions on my work.

I take notes during these sessions. I offer to pay for my share but she won't let me.

I'm having such a hard time believing in myself at this point. I am super awkward. I feel lost in life and I wish I could "put on more of a show", but my sober self (5 months almost) is not so interesting or fun.

I wish I could just feel "normal" and not be this lethargic average joe person. I prayed this morning (3rd step prayer) and I prayed now that I got back, asking my Higher Power if I may please turn this anxiety and self doubt over...

Is "this too shall pass" all there is to it? I wish this "bad" feeling, feeling insufficient and lacking, would go away...

trachemys

I have no answers for you but wanted you to feel answered. Keep doing whatever you need to do to stay sober.

hypochondriac

How is being sober for 5 months insufficient or lacking? Don't forget to take pride in what you have achieved so far x

LadyinBC

5 months is pretty darn good so congrats! Just be yourself. you don't need to put on a show for anyone. These feelings of self doubt do pass as time goes on and you will start to feel more comfortable in your own skin. It just takes time.

least

Five months is awesome indeed. Be proud of your accomplishment. Find yourself a hobby, something to do that you enjoy. Keep on treating yourself well. And yes, this too shall pass and you'll soon be feeling better.

DesperadoBlond

Thanks you guys!

I can't even put my finger on what these emotions are.

In a way I think I just feel doomed to failure in my endeavors. I feel that I won't make it.

I just want to pull the covers over my head and disappear. That's what I did for the past hour.

I worry, I know that I have a program now, but I've had these kind of overpowering negative emotions all my life. Will AA be enough to keep these feelings under control? Wine used to work wonders on them until my drinking got to a point where my life was quite destroyed in terms of: career, family, living situation, finances...

Tamerua

I think that the more sobriety you have, the more you talk in meetings (small talk before and after, calling people up, etc) the more confidence you will build . For a lot if people it isn't a show, that is real. You will get there. Congrats on 5 months.

sugarbear1

Don't stand still now, get through those action steps 4-7.

At once, we started on a vigorous course of action!

Freedom and relief await you

shirts101

I would be willing to bet that there are people who are looking up to you right now. Just like your looking up to this person who is helping you out. 5 months is a big deal and your confidence will come back. That's 5 months more then a lot of people have. Share what you did with these newcomers and it will boost your confidence.

DesperadoBlond

Hi Sugarbear!

I am currently doing step 4. My sponsor is having me write my resentment list and I am doing the different columns...

Perhaps that's what it's all about: I have too much time to think and feel.

I guess I am worried that my Higher Power doesn't have the same plan for me that I do. I wish I could reinforce my faith.

DesperadoBlond

You are absolutely right! I am very proud of my almost-5-months! (I am a week short.)

How did I stay sober for this long (first time in my life @ 30 years of age now): the simple answer is AA. I too thought it was a ******** program with people telling sob stories in darkened rooms... but that was what I thought before actually trying a few meetings.

So, even though I have the blues today, AA is what got me sober and keeps me sober.

2granddaughters

Right on the money there, DB. God just never quite lived up to my expectations.

I had to analyze and judge His every move.

The longer I'm in AA the more aware I am that I need to surrender more .. to surrender deeper.

5 months sober is great. My friend, Mitch, yesterday celebrated 47 yrs sober at our home group. He says he thinks he's going to make it if he keeps coming, working and listening.

Tell your sponsor and the oldtimers in your group how you are feeling and thinking, they will guide you.

I have only been at this 23 yrs so I'm still a rookie... but I'm better this year than I was last year. I hang close to the 30/40 year folks. I think it rubs off.

All the best.

Bob R

Cleopatra1

HEY DESPARADO,,JUST HAD TO SAY A huge WELL DONE for 5 months,,thaTS so awesome,,you rock,,and wow,,keep on keeping on xxx
lv cleo xxx
sure feels good hey???

xxxx