Anxiety rollercoaster
Memberado
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Anxiety rollercoaster
I'm gonna cut to the chase. I'm getting to 5 months sober soon, and some days are just an anxiety inferno.
Today was one of them.
This morning, I went to a morning meeting as usual. That's all fine. I love starting the day with a meeting.
Then, I spent all day, waiting for a work related call that didn't come. And beginning of next week I have a meeting with someone very important, concerning the future of my career... I already got a short "blurb" from that person (who looked very concerned) saying that there is some good stuff and some bad news.
For three days now my brain has been spinning out of control with anxiety over this.
The bottom line is really that I know that the real problem is not the above work related events. My anxiety is the problem. My anxiety jumps from subject to subject. Work, housing, money, health, work, housing, money, health... occasionally I get a little variety to that. The fear at hand usually fades away once I find another fear that is "worse".
I remember being like this all my life. Already as a child of 7-8 I remember clearly telling an adult family member about this; I have a never ending pile of worries and once one is finished, I will move right on to the next one.
My life is infernal on days when the anxiety is extra strong, like today. I managed to get NO work done at all because I was just worrying. I can't concentrate. My sponsor tells me that when we start drinking, we go back to being the person we were before we ever picked up in the first place. Today, I can clearly see that.
Remedies I tried today:
-Morning meeting (there aren't others today because of Easter)
-Talking to sponsor (he assures me this is normal in early sobriety - BUT I know that I have been like this all my life)
-Talking to another trusted AA for an hour on the phone (She suggested making a God Box and depositing troubles there - I did. Worked 5 minutes.)
-I have been down on my knees praying, asking God if I may please turn over this anxiety so that I can better do his will.
-Took a short walk.
I do not hear voices, but my head will not stop the negative imaginary dialogues during which I defend myself in vain. I feel defenseless, humiliated, stripped naked. A failure.
I want to check out. I need relief. Any creative suggestions? I'd really not want to allow for this day to be one of those days that was a total waste.
Today was one of them.
This morning, I went to a morning meeting as usual. That's all fine. I love starting the day with a meeting.
Then, I spent all day, waiting for a work related call that didn't come. And beginning of next week I have a meeting with someone very important, concerning the future of my career... I already got a short "blurb" from that person (who looked very concerned) saying that there is some good stuff and some bad news.
For three days now my brain has been spinning out of control with anxiety over this.
The bottom line is really that I know that the real problem is not the above work related events. My anxiety is the problem. My anxiety jumps from subject to subject. Work, housing, money, health, work, housing, money, health... occasionally I get a little variety to that. The fear at hand usually fades away once I find another fear that is "worse".
I remember being like this all my life. Already as a child of 7-8 I remember clearly telling an adult family member about this; I have a never ending pile of worries and once one is finished, I will move right on to the next one.
My life is infernal on days when the anxiety is extra strong, like today. I managed to get NO work done at all because I was just worrying. I can't concentrate. My sponsor tells me that when we start drinking, we go back to being the person we were before we ever picked up in the first place. Today, I can clearly see that.
Remedies I tried today:
-Morning meeting (there aren't others today because of Easter)
-Talking to sponsor (he assures me this is normal in early sobriety - BUT I know that I have been like this all my life)
-Talking to another trusted AA for an hour on the phone (She suggested making a God Box and depositing troubles there - I did. Worked 5 minutes.)
-I have been down on my knees praying, asking God if I may please turn over this anxiety so that I can better do his will.
-Took a short walk.
I do not hear voices, but my head will not stop the negative imaginary dialogues during which I defend myself in vain. I feel defenseless, humiliated, stripped naked. A failure.
I want to check out. I need relief. Any creative suggestions? I'd really not want to allow for this day to be one of those days that was a total waste.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: London
Posts: 50
I'm sure there are many on the board who can offer helpful suggestions. My own is to buy the book Panic Attacks by Christine Ingham. I ordered that book online and read it in one sitting a few years ago after my very first panic attack scared me witless. The thing that really stuck & seemed to work was the instruction to run madly on the spot!! It really does work! Moving around seems also to help with anxiety too but I've found it has to be quite strenuous (jogging or alternating fast jogging with walking).
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I found finding out where those "voices" or attitudes came from was informative . Turns out i had a whole judging pannel in my head of angry and bitter people from my past , sometimes it was just a distorted aspect of someone who loved me but also hurt me .
I made up a new pannel of people who i thought would cherish and encourage me and for every bad judge i also imagined and listened to a good one . It helped turn my thinking around and get out of my depression .
Bestwishes, M
I made up a new pannel of people who i thought would cherish and encourage me and for every bad judge i also imagined and listened to a good one . It helped turn my thinking around and get out of my depression .
Bestwishes, M
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
I was like that too, and knew I was even as young as you were, 7 yrs old.
One thing that has helped me enormously is understanding that my brain is just doing what it does and I don't need to engage. I can look at the thought, see it for what it is, and let it go. I don't have to get caught up in it. Eckhart Tolle does an amazing job of explaining this in "A New Earth", and how to disengage from the anxious and painful thoughts.
One thing that has helped me enormously is understanding that my brain is just doing what it does and I don't need to engage. I can look at the thought, see it for what it is, and let it go. I don't have to get caught up in it. Eckhart Tolle does an amazing job of explaining this in "A New Earth", and how to disengage from the anxious and painful thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 10
Hi there. I'm new here. I have suffered with anxiety my entire life as well, which led to using wine more and more to calm me down and make me feel happy. I still do have wine, but not to extreme. I just don't like it to be my "go to". I have seen a Dr. who has put me on some AD's, but they take so long to take effect. Wine has been much quicker.
Though I've always had anxiety, I once was at least an optimistic person. Now even that has gone. I miss being excited and hopeful about things. Right now, it's just all the life spills I'm trying to clean up that occupy my thoughts. Makes me worried, anxious, and depressed. Yuk!
Though I've always had anxiety, I once was at least an optimistic person. Now even that has gone. I miss being excited and hopeful about things. Right now, it's just all the life spills I'm trying to clean up that occupy my thoughts. Makes me worried, anxious, and depressed. Yuk!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by DesperadoBlond 
I'm gonna cut to the chase. I'm getting to 5 months sober soon, and some days are just an anxiety inferno.
Today was one of them.
This morning, I went to a morning meeting as usual. That's all fine. I love starting the day with a meeting.
Then, I spent all day, waiting for a work related call that didn't come. And beginning of next week I have a meeting with someone very important, concerning the future of my career... I already got a short "blurb" from that person (who looked very concerned) saying that there is some good stuff and some bad news.
For three days now my brain has been spinning out of control with anxiety over this.
The bottom line is really that I know that the real problem is not the above work related events. My anxiety is the problem. My anxiety jumps from subject to subject. Work, housing, money, health, work, housing, money, health... occasionally I get a little variety to that. The fear at hand usually fades away once I find another fear that is "worse".
I remember being like this all my life. Already as a child of 7-8 I remember clearly telling an adult family member about this; I have a never ending pile of worries and once one is finished, I will move right on to the next one.
My life is infernal on days when the anxiety is extra strong, like today. I managed to get NO work done at all because I was just worrying. I can't concentrate. My sponsor tells me that when we start drinking, we go back to being the person we were before we ever picked up in the first place. Today, I can clearly see that.
Remedies I tried today:
-Morning meeting (there aren't others today because of Easter)
-Talking to sponsor (he assures me this is normal in early sobriety - BUT I know that I have been like this all my life)
-Talking to another trusted AA for an hour on the phone (She suggested making a God Box and depositing troubles there - I did. Worked 5 minutes.)
-I have been down on my knees praying, asking God if I may please turn over this anxiety so that I can better do his will.
-Took a short walk.
I do not hear voices, but my head will not stop the negative imaginary dialogues during which I defend myself in vain. I feel defenseless, humiliated, stripped naked. A failure.
I want to check out. I need relief. Any creative suggestions? I'd really not want to allow for this day to be one of those days that was a total waste.
Today was one of them.
This morning, I went to a morning meeting as usual. That's all fine. I love starting the day with a meeting.
Then, I spent all day, waiting for a work related call that didn't come. And beginning of next week I have a meeting with someone very important, concerning the future of my career... I already got a short "blurb" from that person (who looked very concerned) saying that there is some good stuff and some bad news.
For three days now my brain has been spinning out of control with anxiety over this.
The bottom line is really that I know that the real problem is not the above work related events. My anxiety is the problem. My anxiety jumps from subject to subject. Work, housing, money, health, work, housing, money, health... occasionally I get a little variety to that. The fear at hand usually fades away once I find another fear that is "worse".
I remember being like this all my life. Already as a child of 7-8 I remember clearly telling an adult family member about this; I have a never ending pile of worries and once one is finished, I will move right on to the next one.
My life is infernal on days when the anxiety is extra strong, like today. I managed to get NO work done at all because I was just worrying. I can't concentrate. My sponsor tells me that when we start drinking, we go back to being the person we were before we ever picked up in the first place. Today, I can clearly see that.
Remedies I tried today:
-Morning meeting (there aren't others today because of Easter)
-Talking to sponsor (he assures me this is normal in early sobriety - BUT I know that I have been like this all my life)
-Talking to another trusted AA for an hour on the phone (She suggested making a God Box and depositing troubles there - I did. Worked 5 minutes.)
-I have been down on my knees praying, asking God if I may please turn over this anxiety so that I can better do his will.
-Took a short walk.
I do not hear voices, but my head will not stop the negative imaginary dialogues during which I defend myself in vain. I feel defenseless, humiliated, stripped naked. A failure.
I want to check out. I need relief. Any creative suggestions? I'd really not want to allow for this day to be one of those days that was a total waste.
I used to hate it when I told them (sponsor and oldtimers) how bad my head was spinning and they'd say "You are right where you should be in your program" ??!!
Just know that what you are experiencing is what pretty well all the AAs felt in the beginning.
Don't quit just before the miracle happens. I used to be squirrelly for months... now I'm squirrelly for minutes. It takes a while.
Trust your sponsor and the oldtimers. Look up to God and say "So this is what early recovery is.. I'm glad you're with me"
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
It may sound very simplistic...but meditation helps.
Calm the mind.
It does not have to be an Eastern Religion thing. Meditation is simply calming the Rational Mind from spinning out of control. It allows your Rational Mind to get a break, and will help in your prayers also, because you get to take a break from trying to 'Figure it All Out'.
Also, if you never allow your mind some 'Quiet Time', how can you hear that still small voice? Or how can your mind ever feel refreshed, if you NEVER give it a break? Try meditating...just simply calming your Rational Mind.
Calm the mind.
It does not have to be an Eastern Religion thing. Meditation is simply calming the Rational Mind from spinning out of control. It allows your Rational Mind to get a break, and will help in your prayers also, because you get to take a break from trying to 'Figure it All Out'.
Also, if you never allow your mind some 'Quiet Time', how can you hear that still small voice? Or how can your mind ever feel refreshed, if you NEVER give it a break? Try meditating...just simply calming your Rational Mind.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
"I'd really not want to allow for this day to be one of those days that was a total waste."
You're alive and sober. Already not a waste
I too struggle with anxiety, about to hit 5 months sober and had one of those days yesterday. So much so my AV was telling me to drink to make the anxiety go away. BUT, I hung in....I took a hot bath, watched a movie and woke up today feeling better.
Tomorrow is another day and will be different. Maybe not better but different. And sometimes that simple news is enough for me. I hope you feel better soon!
You're alive and sober. Already not a waste
I too struggle with anxiety, about to hit 5 months sober and had one of those days yesterday. So much so my AV was telling me to drink to make the anxiety go away. BUT, I hung in....I took a hot bath, watched a movie and woke up today feeling better.Tomorrow is another day and will be different. Maybe not better but different. And sometimes that simple news is enough for me. I hope you feel better soon!
Memberado
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Originally Posted by mecanix
I found finding out where those "voices" or attitudes came from was informative . Turns out i had a whole judging pannel in my head of angry and bitter people from my past , sometimes it was just a distorted aspect of someone who loved me but also hurt me .
I made up a new pannel of people who i thought would cherish and encourage me and for every bad judge i also imagined and listened to a good one . It helped turn my thinking around and get out of my depression .
Bestwishes, M
I made up a new pannel of people who i thought would cherish and encourage me and for every bad judge i also imagined and listened to a good one . It helped turn my thinking around and get out of my depression .
Bestwishes, M
Would love to do what you described above. I am working step 4 with my sponsor. He is a firm believe that the steps will sort everything out...
Memberado
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
DB, you sound just like me !! You did all the right things... you are just expecting different results.
I used to hate it when I told them (sponsor and oldtimers) how bad my head was spinning and they'd say "You are right where you should be in your program" ??!!
Just know that what you are experiencing is what pretty well all the AAs felt in the beginning.
Don't quit just before the miracle happens. I used to be squirrelly for months... now I'm squirrelly for minutes. It takes a while.
Trust your sponsor and the oldtimers. Look up to God and say "So this is what early recovery is.. I'm glad you're with me"
All the best.
Bob R
I used to hate it when I told them (sponsor and oldtimers) how bad my head was spinning and they'd say "You are right where you should be in your program" ??!!
Just know that what you are experiencing is what pretty well all the AAs felt in the beginning.
Don't quit just before the miracle happens. I used to be squirrelly for months... now I'm squirrelly for minutes. It takes a while.
Trust your sponsor and the oldtimers. Look up to God and say "So this is what early recovery is.. I'm glad you're with me"
All the best.
Bob R
What a relief to read what you had to say about this! Usually life is pretty bearable now... but then there are periods of days on end, like now, when some issue comes up that just provokes unmanageable anxiety.
I wish I had a switch I could turn, like I did in my drinking days... a remedy that instantly took the edge off these feelings.
I've been sharing about similar feelings before and oldtimers tell me: oh, don't analyze it any more than that - you're an alcoholic, that's all.
So thanks for those reassuring words. I won't leave before the miracle happens. In many ways miracles have already happened.
My brain tells me: "Poor me, my life will aaaaaalways be like this booohoooo." And I know... that that is typical alcoholic thinking. So I can't let that get the upper hand.
I guess I am just going to have to stick it out and accept that I do not know where this road is leading me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi DB and hi Sue
Counselling really helped me with this issue - that, and just the growth I experienced dealing with things sober, solving problems, living life...for me the fear of things was always much worse than the event itself...
Also, like Anna said, I gained a lot from the idea that my brain is just doing what it does and I don't need to engage with it cos that snowballs.
I think it's an ongoing process, but I think you'll both see results if you really work with it and try and be patient
D
Counselling really helped me with this issue - that, and just the growth I experienced dealing with things sober, solving problems, living life...for me the fear of things was always much worse than the event itself...
Also, like Anna said, I gained a lot from the idea that my brain is just doing what it does and I don't need to engage with it cos that snowballs.
I think it's an ongoing process, but I think you'll both see results if you really work with it and try and be patient
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: London
Posts: 43
Hi there
Hope you are ok?
I have suffered with anxiety all my life with some very extreme episodes. I have had counselling CBT courses (this really helps). The main teachings that emerge about anxiety is to accept it don't fight it, give it no concern or thought, let the negative thoughts go. It is difficult at first but it does work.
Jackie xx
Hope you are ok?
I have suffered with anxiety all my life with some very extreme episodes. I have had counselling CBT courses (this really helps). The main teachings that emerge about anxiety is to accept it don't fight it, give it no concern or thought, let the negative thoughts go. It is difficult at first but it does work.
Jackie xx
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
