mui

I've been with my bf for nearly 10 years. I love him very much and i will not give up on him. But his drinking problem is tearing me apart. M getting so depress that i start self harming myself. I don't want to act angry towards him /shout at him and end up arguing so i try to keep it to myself and is really torturing. It hurt so bad everytime he promise me he will stop doing what he do and he end up doing it over and over again. I check on him all the time on GPS just want to know whether he will come home after work or will he be in the pub. I really don't know how to cope and help him. Recently he binge drinks after work every week. And he drive after he drink over the limit. We had numerous fight about his drink driving issue. Sometime he drinks with his colleague, he does not overly drink. Sometimes he binge drink and drive. He said that sometimes when he start drinking, he just want to drink more until he get tipsy. So he just keep drinking one drink after one another and in the end he end up drinking so much. I want to support him and help him to stop but i don't know how. In the past when he drink and drive and come home, he verbally abuse me, and we end up arguing and fighting. I started to get really tired of the arguments and recently i don't argue anymore. I just pretend that i am sleeping or i just give in to whatever he say to prevent any fights. Can someone pls advised me what i should do to help him. How do i cope with him when he drink over the limit and drive home. How should i react so he will stop doing this again.

Coldfusion

There's lots of support here, but the only solution is in your boyfriend's control.

Has he told you that he wants to quit drinking?

I was tired of fighting with my wife and being miserable. She helped get me to a detox program, and she quit drinking too.

Woodswalker

I dont think theres much you can do for someone with no desire to quit drinking but you can find an Alanon meeting for you.

mui

Thanks you for the reply. Yes he said that he will try several times because he love me. But i don't think he think that it is a problem as he hasn't hit bottom till he really want to quit. He said that his friends think is ok to do that as his friend drink and drive and the friend's gf drink with him too. But he only try to stop because m unhappy about it. But is a round cycle he will say he will try and then end up drink drive come home tipsy and late then i get depress and sad then i forgive him and he said he will try and the process just go over and over again. He said that i have to help him and find out how to stop his binge drinking. BUT i don't know how to plus i don't even think he want to quit himself and he just try to do it so i won't get sad or angry?? Recently he started a new job, his colleagues love to go drinking after work and i think one of his best mate at his work place is a chronic alocoholic. This is where his binge drinking got worse. He don't want to go to AA as he think that he only binge drink and is not sth very serious. He love to drink after work as a way of stress relief from his hectic work. His dad died from drink driving when he was very young. I don't want him to follow his path. Last night it happened again and i pretend that i was asleep when he gets home as m not sure if he will verbally abuse me or not. and today he pretend as nth has happened. And i am still feeling so depress. He saw my cuts and he got angry about it. Everytime if he see me being very depress, self harm , or argue about his drinking, he will start saying oh this relationship won't work and we should break up and in the end i give in but it will work if he just stop binge drink driving. He is lovely in every other ways except his drinking problem that is ruining everything and tearing me into pieces. Recently I feel like self arm every single time he binge drink drink drive, come home we argue , or verbally abuse. And is getting worse i m getting more and more cuts on my arm. It looks ugly. i feel terrible about it.

suki44883

What are you getting out of this relationship? I don't mean that in a snarky way, it's just something for you to think about. How would you feel if he injured or even killed an innocent person while driving drunk?

It doesn't sound like he's serious about finding recovery. I hope you will reach out for some help for yourself. There's nothing you can do for him, but it appears that things are getting worse for you. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Check out our Friends and Family Forum...

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome to SR. You will find a lot of support here.

least

I'd suggest posting your situation in this forum for extra insight from folks who have been where you are.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information


I didn't see that Suki had already put up the link.

mui

Thanks for the link. I love him very much and hoping one day he will stop doing what he is doing. I want to help him even though it hurt me so bad everytime he disappoint me.