zanabanana

Hello all:

I almost want to laugh at myself, and poke fun that every morning I wake up from the previous night of binge drinking that today will be the day I will stop drinking, and start living my life again.

Then I go out and pick up another bottle of wine, or two and the nightmare of my life begins all over again.

I tried the drinking more coffee plan, and substituting lots of water and even sparkling water. Nope. Didn't work. I just keep relapsing, and relapsing, and relapsing. It's starting to show on my body, and in my eyes the tired state of mind I'm in. I hate this fog behind my eyes, and in my brain. I hate this depression, but the funny thing is... I'm not really depressed. Which, you would think I would be but I'm not. I'm just worried about myself, and my future if I don't STOP NOW.

Thoughts, please? How do you stop this relapsing? I need some new tricks to trick my brain and cravings.

Coldfusion

I found the "new trick!" It worked for me and I am 146 days sober!

I spent a few days in free detox. It was the "rude awakening" I needed.

zanabanana

Thank you! I will research a center close to where I live. However, I just found it may have a waiting list and could take months before I can get in. That's a bit annoying.

avocado

Are you being completely honest with yourself about really wanting to quit? You say you're 'relapsing' but it really doesn't sound like you've put a whole lot of effort into not drinking. Based on your description, I'd say you're just plain 'drinking', not relapsing. Waking up in the morning, deciding not to drink because you're hungover and then buying wine that same afternoon isn't a relapse. Other than drinking lots of water and coffee what have you done to prevent yourself from drinking?

MeSoSober

This was pretty much my reaction as well. Zana, you sound like you want to stop the negative effects of drinking (Lord, don't we all!), but that's not the same thing as wanting to quit drinking.

I know that's not very helpful, but I really believe you have to get to a place where you truly want to quit, as avocado says, and I don't think there's any way to MAKE yourself get to that place.

On a more positive note, you'll find a ton of great support and motivation here if and when you really want to put in the effort to quit.

2granddaughters

I substituted AA coffee for the booze. I drink AA coffee almost every day.

It's kept me sober for almost 24 yrs.

"I need some new tricks to trick my brain and cravings." . Ha-ha !! Funny ! You can't con a con.

All the best.

Bob R

zanabanana

I completely hear you all, and thank you for replying to my post.

I am very new to this, as I never truly picked up a glass of wine until I was 24 years old. I never cared to drink even on my 21st birthday.

I do know this about myself: I WANT TO QUIT. Have I taken certain steps to really quit? No. At least not the right steps, it seems.

So, what does this all truly mean? Am I strong enough to just say no? Is it that easy?

Grymt

Yeah, I think so. The hard bit is making it a habit and then not taking the habit for granted.

TotalFreedom

Get on the list anyway. Better late than never.

What helped me tremendously is to find new interests and hobbies I can enjoy. If you quit drinking, you're going to have some time left. Why not fill it with fun and useful things?

Acceptance of the withdrawal process helped me too. There's going to be a short period where your body detoxes and it feels bad. Instead of fighting it or being bothered by it, I looked at it differently. Acceptance was the strongest element. It's just the way it is for a while.

Other than that, AA has a proven track record of success. In your case, since you keep relapsing, I think it would be very helpful to join AA. On here you can get support and I recommend you post whenever you need support. But in AA, you meet people in real life. It's a different level.

Since you have trouble doing it on your own, which is nothing to be ashamed of btw, I recommend getting all the help you can possibly get. You can even start by seeing your doctor and explaining the problem. They know all the options and can really help.

I sincerely wish you well and am sure you'll get there.

least

Do you have any type of support system in place? Friends, family? Coming here is a good first step but you're going to have to back it up with action - not drinking. It's hard but it can be done.

jkb

Yes. I do think it is that easy. You can choose not to pick up NO MATTER WHAT. Whatever "program" you work this is truly the ONLY way to stay sober. I WONT DRINK NO MATTER WHAT... That is what is working in my head. And I agree that drinking is not the same as relapsing. Putting in real honest effort and staying sober for awhile then drinking is a relapse. Drinking daily is just drinking daily imo.

TotalFreedom

Varies from person to person. If you have to ask yourself if you're strong enough, you're likely not. That's ok. Alcohol can be very strong and it does seem that it's stronger than you.

A question you might want to ask yourself is: how can I become strong enough? Whatever you think of next you might want to do. Can't hurt at least.

And referring to my previous post: get all the help you can possibly get. I do recommend that among those things, you make seeing your doctor a priority.

doggonecarl

Stopping is simple. Not easy.

Nonsensical

Actually, you're the ONLY ONE who can stop YOUR drinking.

Well, there's easy and then there's easy...

Not drinking is easy. Stop going to the store/bar/restaurant and buying wine and pouring it in your mouth. Easy.

Feeling good when you're not drinking - well that gets more difficult. You are addicted to alcohol. Part of your brain wants it even though another part of it is fully aware that drinking more is stupid. You have to learn to deal with the craving - to deal with that part of your brain that wants alcohol despite YOUR better judgment.

Finding other things to take your mind off of it is useful, but the bottom line is that you have to tell your craving "no". It only feels like something bad will happen if you don't drink. It won't really. That's just the little addict in your brain trying to convince you to drink.

You are a badass. You can do this. Tell it "no".

Dib42

This is my M.O as well. Searching these forums, I've found a lot of the weird quirks and habbits and patterns I have aren't really that weird or uncommon. It seems there are a handful of patterns alcoholics follow, and it seems unique to yourself, but its not really.

I'm very good at being sober after a night of drinking for the first 9 hours or so... My routine is I'll arrive at work, have a couple cups of coffee, and start thinking about how I'm going to quit today (again). I'll even get excited by the idea. I may even come on here and read some posts, respond to a few, or make my own.
But by the time the work day ends, I'll have made an excuse to pick up another bottle of whiskey and decide to put off quitting for one more day.

Rinse and repeat.

Been doing that for several years.

So I believe you when you say you want to quit. I think you're in the same boat as I am, where you just haven't found your groove yet.

Viperidae

You are now reaching out, and that is the best. I've been playing that game for years. Every single alcoholic says today is the last night I will drink. Just one more night and I'll be good to go. The next day by 4pm I'm picking out 2 bottles of wine. The longer you let this go, the worse it's going to get. Your body cannot handle it, hangovers will become unbearable and if you think you look tired now, keep going for another 5 years. I've pushed my body way to long and lost many opportunities. I'm trying my best now. And you should be worried about your future, I'd be in my dream job if I hadn't blown off life to drink. Offers of international photojournalism etc. Get wasted the night before and then don't show up, brilliant!!!

You should be able to find someplace that will take you in a few days or a week. Their are several in CT. Do you have ANY insurance? What state are you in besides hung over? I can look around the web for ya?

Or go to AA and tell them what you just told us. They won't kidnap you, and they won't judge you if you keep drinking, the only requirement for going is the DESIRE to stop. Also finding a good meeting is KEY. Find a big one and just listen. If you don't like it, don't go back. Many people hate it for 3 months and then start to love it. I'm not a true member myself. But they know what they are talking about for sure.

You deserve better for yourself. And so do I. With that I am making my daily commitment not to drink on this site for all to see. Peace and luck to you my friend.

FreeFall

Try reading up about urge surfing and AVRT here on SR if you want some new tricks to combat the cravings. They have some excellent ways to help you break patterns and destructive behaviors.

It sounds like you're in that stage where you're still actively drinking but realize it's starting to get out of your control and know that down the road it's going to cause more serious problems. It will too, because it's progressive. I agree that you're not relapsing, just drinking, feeling hungover, and drinking more to feel better again. It's become a pattern and only you can break that cycle. It can be done!!

Viperidae

Freefall, forgive me for not knowing but where do I find the binge surfing and AVRT info on the site you just mentioned. I need it. THANKs

Delilah1

I have done the same thing. I had three months of sobriety and then went back to "just one", I am back again and know the key for me is exercise, and occupying my time with other things. It is definitely not easy, but you can do it.

I tried a few AA meetings and it wasn't the right fit for me, but counseling helped and so did SR. There are also Women for Sobriety meetings, worth taking a look into different recovery methods/supports and find one or parts of all that work for you.

FlyerNation

One question to zana is what do you consider relapsing? Is it weeks, months, days or just hours before you drink again?

I think the term relapse has alot of different meaning to different people. However relapse can become addicting as well.

I got sober in early of 2011. I was sober for almost 18 months. I heard all these relapse stories, advice, warnings etc and I felt like I wasn't a true alcoholic till I relapsed. Well I relapsed and it took me close to 6 months to get back to my sobriety and this time around has been harder than any of the times before. I was at the point I was a weekend relapser. If that's the case it's not relapsing at all because I was never really sober.

Usually though I relapsed well before I took a drink.