LeSigh

57 minutes of weeping and begging and telling me he had now completed 5 weeks of not drinking (I'm not sure I believe him, but i know that that is irrelevant at this point)..

We cycled through a conversation of him telling me how sorry / sad / lonely he was, how committed / certain / willing he is to work hard and "fix" it.. and how he just wants to know if theres a glimmer / a chance / a hope of us working out <<translate : tell me it will be okay and you forgive/ forget and just let me back in so i can stop feeling so bad>> and I politely declined to respond in the way he hoped, encouraging him to focus his energies on his recovery, rather than on trying to capture something that is now passed.

In a last gasp attempt, he came out with the phrase that he "just wants to know that he's not missed the boat already".. my response, (trying to say the same thing I'd tried to communicate about 5 times already) just slipped out before thinking (sometimes thats for the best!)

"you've not just missed the boat, it has already sunk"

blunt-o-rama, but he got the message, or at least he sounded like he did...

joking aside though, it was an exhausting and draining conversation. i'm seriously considering going full on NC but i know he'll find that excruciating...

any E, S + H to help me get round that next bit of unravelling? it hurts to walk away from someone who used to be so special to me, even though any loving feelings towards him are diminished. It's just hard to walk away.

imallright

Hear you. Think you are on the right path with NC....it's tough, but you have made your decision. That's the advise many of the others here have given me. I am struggling with it, but know it's the right answer. Hugs to you

h00ped

I don't have any words of wisdom, only of support. I'm pretty much in the EXACT same boat as you (except I wasn't married to him yet) and I know how it feels.

As much as it hurts us to be blunt, knowing it will inflict pain on the other, the alternative is to sugar coat things, give them false hope, deny our true feelings and in a way...lie. At least that's what I keep telling myself. The hardest part is knowing they're suffering.

keepingmyjoy1

I understand what you have going on. My AH and I are separated and I can't go full no contact since we have a child. And he is not drinking now either and thinks that is only issue, wants us back home, etc. And it is hard to walk away.

For "the next time...", you can keep working on you, and what you want and getting the support you need. When you do, you keep seeing things more and more clear.

IMHO, the whole crying, begging thing gets old after awhile. Another symptom of how it is all about them and their feelings, wants and needs. You keep making choices that are good for you and stand strong. Keep posting here and if you have Alanon available, definitely check that out too.

Wishing you the best.

dandylion

Dear LeSigh, I think you did a good job of handling a difficult situation. Those of us who have had to listen to the crying and begging know how hard it can be.

Most importantly---you held your ground. Sure, it is hard to see someone who we have loved to suffer---but, it is cruel to offer false hope. The alcoholic has to learn to accept the realities of life (we all do) without using alcohol to numb-out with. It is a painful process, but necessary, if they are to reach recovery.

Stay strong!!

sincerely, dandylion

Carol Star

Zen Quote- "Let go or be dragged....."