Lost3000

So last week 2 of my old drinking pals walked into my AA mtg. Then, yesterday another drinking pal announced on FB that she's an alkie (yikes, FB!!, anyone remember my fiasco 30 days in?!?, LOL).

So I reached out to her and shared my experience of FB and sobriety. She said she was really hurting and didn't know what to do. So I broke my anonymity, and told her if she wanted to know how I did it, I'd show her.

Today we are headed to a mtg together. Any advice out there - dos and don'ts? Love to hear your thoughts! I liked this drinking pal much more than the 2 who walked in last week, so I feel a bit more excited.

2granddaughters

Hello Lost:
Helping the newcomer always helped me the most. I get more than I give.

All the best.

Bob R

doggonecarl

I would love to be able to share what I've found in sobriety with a "friend" or anyone else who asked for my help.

Lost3000

She came! I was sure she'd back out. I didn't apply any pressure. After the meeting, she said she'd like to come back. Yay! What really helps me is seeing where she is right now, which is where I was, not all that long ago. It's a reminder. And it gives me great hope.

0percentABV

With my group of friends I was always the first to do stuff. First to drink, first to use drugs, first to use a needle, first to quit drugs, first to get out of town, first to get married, first to have kids and first to quit drinking. Now I'm waiting for a call. Hopefully the streak doesn't end.

Lost3000

I'm starting to become a believer. These things happen for a reason. I don't think there's a guy up there in a white beard pulling strings on us like puppets, but I do think there is a type of force out there, something bigger than me. These things are meant to happen.

DryRoastJim

Hi, I am so glad that she came and that you are able to help your friend!!

I read somewhere on here about friends helping (more actually about being a sponsor,) and how it might not be a good idea.

This is not to say that I think it is a bad idea or anything, but there are some practical issues that can arise. The most obvious is the friendship failing due to one of the parties being mean. (Detailed in the message.)

I'll see if I can find that post, but searching on here friend sponsor might be able to give you some info.

Lost3000

Oh! Thanks. The thought did cross my mind. I will not say no if she asks. But for now, she hasn't asked. I consider myself the person who showed her the ropes -- where the mtg is, how this particular mtg is conducted, introduced her to my friends. Stuff like that. That's my version of helping.

I remember how awkward I was when I first went. Didn't know what to do, say. I had a friend who would meet with me a block away and we'd walk in together. Until I found my "wings". I remember feeling really glad that she was there for me. I'm going to pay it forward now.

shauninspain

I know that an AA group that I used to go to for a while were very over the top, and the newcomer would be inundated with requests for their telephone number. There was literally a scramble to the door when a newcomer walked in. Mind you, that group was about as close to a cult as you could get! They were avoided like the plague by the other groups in the area.

Perhaps try to take him/her to a candlelit meeting, or one that has a very strong message with a lot of sober time. But any that have a 'hard sell' attitude, like the one I mentioned above, would/might scare the heck out of your friend!

Anna

Absolutely, I agree totally. Good for you for reaching out and helping someone else.

deeker

Carry the message not the alkie. Best lesson I learned. Well one of them anyways.

T4texas

X2 help her but remember that if she doesn't stick with it that your recovery comes first.

LexieCat

And just one other little teensy reminder. A lot of alcoholics come in, go out, and might not come back for a while (if they do at all). I hope that doesn't happen with your friend, but it has happened with several of mine. It's always disappointing, of course, but I can't keep another alcoholic sober, any more than someone else could have kept ME sober. It's still the right thing to do, and it helps keep US sober.

Lost3000

Yeah, I hear ya. I've been to those kind. I don't believe my home group is like that. Which is why it's my home group. They are very welcoming, and some (a few) can be hard sell, but most are just friendly. That's what really did it for me, seeing how accepting they were of me.

Lost3000

I feel it's selfish in a way because it makes me feel so good. But I'm also amazed at how I'm so willing to help and not looking for that pat on the back, the recognition. That's foreign to me.

Lost3000

I like that A LOT. Thank you!!

Lost3000

Absolutely. I believe it's how I've been successful so far - my sobriety above all else.

Lost3000

I can't help but let myself daydream of us becoming sober sisters, years from now laughing at the past, going shopping, becoming best friends. Yeesh.

Lost3000

I'm officially a sponsor. Weird.

2granddaughters

The next big step in the right direction !

All the best.

Bob R