bagpussgirl

I drank a bottle of vodka last night....wine is no longer enough. Don't remember going to bed, what I watched on tv etc. Feel like I can't go on like this! I won't go on like this!

I'm scared...what if I can't stop?

Do I need to see a doctor?

How the hell did this happen?

This is my moment. ..Please help me give up...

avocado

a wise deicison

"what if I can't stop? "

you won't know until you try

It's never a bad idea to see a doctor and if you start to feel bad withdrawal symptoms, you probably should.

Spinach

Do what ever you can, remember getting the Dr on side can only be a good thing they can help on the first difficult week and then help monitor advice etc.
John.

doggonecarl

Don't let the fear of quitting convince you that you are going to fail before you even try.

Quit. There are apt to be many failures on the way. The goal is to keep striving for recovery.

You can do this.

Ghostlight

I graduated to vodka, too. It's progressive. You're doing good by stopping now before things get worse. And they will.
Yes, see a doctor and be brutaly honest about your drinking.
Find a support group, come here and read and post do wahtever it takes.

My thoughts are with you.

Rennet

I'm there with you bagpussgirl... day one again. The good news is it seems recovery is progressive as well. Each time I quit I get better at it, and that means I'm less scared about the prospect. And I don't feel the need to shame myself as I've accepted my condition as a fact of life.

ultrabunny

I did the exact same thing. Drank a bottle of vodka and blacked out. So sad..

I cant seem to stay stopped. But I wont give up trying though.

RightLAine

Oh I had many nights like that. I too drank Vodka 100 proof. Straight shots. Wouldn't remember going to bed and then wake up feeling like crap. I felt like I was functioning in a haze and then I would keep drinking and then wake up not remembering the last part of the evening. I hated waking up not remembering if my BF and I were on good terms or if I started a fight. I hated having to pretend I rememberd what happened the night before. I have to young kids....I can't be like that. I missed out on on to many nights of bedtime stories and tucking my kids in. We all have to start somewhere. Today is my day one.

Nattythreads

So many of us problem drinkers end up getting their doctorate in Vodka. As long as the bank balance stands it, we'll retain an air of sophistication by only drinking industrial quantities of superior label stuff for a while. But sooner or later even that pretense goes out the window and any old **** will do!

Oh and by the way, it's an urban myth that people can't smell it on you

bigsombrero

I agree with this message. I graduated to vodka as well, and after I found out how much more powerful it was I still used it to the point of no return. When I stopped drinking I had a withdrawl seizure, so be careful - if you start feeling weak, shaky, confused when stopping those are warning signs. I wish I would have seen a doctor and admitted myself to detox, but instead I had 2 more bad seizures in the company of others before I finally sought help. It was the best thing I ever did. Get the ball rolling by creating a solid plan, by being honest with yourself, and being honest with a doctor if possible. Good luck, it's amazing here on the sober side of the fence.

Maiasaura

What everybody else said-- they all did it very well Go for it. Keep trying. Go for the gold. Because the disease of alcoholism only gets worse, never ever better. It does not stop on its own. Hang in there. I am 18.5 years sober and I can tell you IT WORKS. Find a meeting. Go. Keep an open mind. Oh, and BIG HUGS!

2granddaughters

You've been around here for a year and whatever you have been doing hasn't worked. I think you know what you have to do. The same as millions of other alcoholics.

Please Google and read AA's "How It Works".

All the best.

Bob R

Nattythreads

I'd probably add to 2G's comment and say that it's time you stopped asking questions and started trying to find some answers. There's plenty of information on here.

Anna

I think it's always a good idea to talk to your dr before stopping drinking because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous. You can stop drinking even though it seems daunting. Get rid of the alcohol in the house, don't buy anymore alcohol, change your daily routines and patterns when you're normally drinking. Take action to help yourself.

ScottFromWI

Great choice, you won't regret it. You can stop if you really want to - the only reason you can't is if you choose not to.

Seeing a doctor would definitely be a good idea as withdrawal can be potentially dangerous, but don't be scared as they have seen it all and can help make it less serious.

How it happened is completely irrelevant - all that matters is that you are stopping now and don't want to drink anymore. Today will be better because you don't pick up a drink - just start with that.

Stay here and we will help you, perhaps seek out local help as well if it is available. There is likely a local quit/addiction hotline you can call to find out resources close to you.

Lastly, did you tell your husband or anyone else? You said he's out of town for work and you are home alone with your child. If he is not around please call the hotline or someone you know and trust, you need to have someone around to help you and your child during this process.

Be proud that you made this choice - it is one of the best you will ever make!

FamilyMan2153

Keep posting and keep working. Look at what you have tried and try something new but most importantly actually believe it can work. When I was an active alcoholic I tried a few things that did not work. The funny thing it that when I finally made my mind up to quit some of those same things worked and helped me because I listened, had an open mind and worked at it. Remind yourself that you are worth recovery and keep coming back.;

bagpussgirl

Thanks for all your help and support. I really appreciate it.
Today hasn't been so hard as I felt so sick all day...and couldn't stop vomiting. Tonight I got rid of all the alcohol in the house.

I also had a chat to my mother in law about my drinking, how it's out of control and that I've decided to stop. She told me what I needed to hear, that my drinking is not normal. I feel supported now so even if hubby isn't supportive at least I've got her.

Tomorrow will be hard and so im preparing myself. I know that tomorrow (when I no longer feel ill) I will try and convince myself that I don't have a problem. ..that the bad times were one offs and that I can be a normal drinker. Then is when I always give in...

Tomorrow I will be strong and find an AA meeting to support me.

Thanks again for helping me to see just how messed up I was and how much I was putting my little boy at risk x

ReadyAtLast

great stuff. It's good to have your MIL on side-I@m sure your husband will be supportive. I found staying on SR helped me in the early days

Gilmer

That is so true. That's the reason i chose vodka--because I didn't want to be caught! But in fact it all reeks when you drink enough of it!

BuddinK

You can stop, accentuate the positive and stop using negatives. Instead of "what if I cant stop?" ask, What will be better if I don't drink today? Then aswer yourself.

A small victory is still a victory.

Stay strong and stay in contact

Ken