pravchaw

Hi Folks - My 21 yo son is addicted to pot. He is very non-functional not able to get through school or hold a job and has been unsuccessful in quitting. I think part of the problem is the friends he hangs around with. A bunch of them are pot users. Is it critical that he ditch these friends to recover? He is quite close to these friends and whenever he tries to quit he gravitates back to them and smoking pot. He goes to AA, but says they are full of old folks (everybody over 30 is old to him). How did you folks manage to recover? Did you have to give up your friends too?

Lyoness

It can be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to quit using if your social circle revolves around using. Especially with marijuana which has such a strong culture around it. It may be hard for your son to give up his friends and his drug but he may have to for awhile, if not for good, to be able to successfully quit.

As far as AA, there is also NA which he could try as it focuses on using other drugs besides alcohol. You're in a big city so he should also be able to find NA groups specifically for young folks (I remember when 30 was old, lol, now I think it's still being a kid!). His former college probably has some oncampus groups he could also check out. Or maybe another group or program might work better for him like SMART, etc. There are lots of them listed on this website.

Does he do any specific counseling around the addiction? I know you said in your other thread that he does see someone, but going to an outpatient treatment center might be a good choice. He would certainly meet more people his age and get tools for living in recovery.

Or maybe he could come here to SR? This place has been a real lifesaver to me and so many people. Would he consider just reading some of the threads?

In any case, I again just want to say how awesome it is that you care so much for him and want to help him.

Dirt

I am 21 and have been sober from meth, pcp, heroin, and marijuana for a little over a month now. Marijuana has been by far the most difficult psychologically to quit. Especially with it being legalized and being a more widely used drug. All of my friends smoked weed, but one thing I did realize is that if they are your true friends they will support you quitting. I know it isn't the case for everyone, but I used to rationalize being a pothead and saying "it's not like I'm a meth head, there's nothing wrong with it" and I never pictured in my wildest dreams that's what I'd end up becoming. Another thing to consider is does he really want to stop? "it's full of old people" sounds like another excuse to justify his actions.

I hope your son does get sober, but it's really his choice. I think at first the best thing would be stay away from those friends to minimize any temptations, show them he's serious and then the true friends will emerge to support it. However, it is all his decision. Good luck, if he's ever interested in talking to someone closer to his age I'd be happy to go through my experiences.

pravchaw

Hello, Lyoness. Thank you for your reply and advise.
He has access to counselors but I don't know if he is seeing anyone. It may be that he is not ready to quit. I have given him the coordinates to SR - so hopefully he can join when ready. He was going to AA, and has a great sponsor, but last few weeks he has stopped going. In all honesty, I don't think he is at his bottom and this is preventing him from turning around.

pravchaw

Hello Dirt, Its so nice to see a young person like you get it. I hope my son also gets it sooner than later, but like you said it is his choice. Thanks for your offer of help. I will pass it on to him. Your observation regarding true friends is very true. True friends help each other get better. He has to learn to distinguish between true friendship ad friendship of convenience.

bigsombrero

Yes yes yes. Think about it - can you actually picture your son hanging around these friends sober -- meanwhile the rest of them hit a bong and listen to the Grateful Dead? Ain't gonna happen.

The thing about those groups is the sooner you can ditch them, the better for recovery. Otherwise at some point, your SON will become the person being ditched. Then he will look around and see that he's the "last man standing" in the group...where did everyone go?

It's going to be very hard though, as the parent of an ADULT addict, to tell him this. Do you think he wants his mom telling him who to hang out with? As a 21 year-old he wants to make his own choices. I think you need to be sensitive to that issue when talking with him or figuring out your next steps.