pattyG

I got served the papers by my XAGF who is taking me to court for visitation. The date is 3/27. It gives me a pit in my stomach just thinking about it. I also started counseling this past week. It was humbling to reveal to another person how f*cked up this relationship has been. Yet I still miss her. I still wonder what she is doing. There are times I imagine just giving in and letting her have visitation and "come back", whatever that means...since she as only coming over a couple times a week before this happened. I remind myself I CAN'T, and I come here and read.
I got thrown a curve ball by work today, the need to travel out of town next weekend. UGH. Panic. I did find someone to stay with my kids/elderly mom. My mind went to: if J was
Well...I just got a call from my sitter. A letter came from family court and they are denying my request to remove her name from my son's birth certificate. I am devistated. No one...no lawyer, court official has een able to help me. She legally had no right to be on there...we were never married. But because the courts aren't up to date...there is no way to change this. I feel so sick.

Hanna

(((Hugs)))

Sorry you are going through this.

Were you a family unit when you gave birth?

pattyG

We were not living together. She had threatened to leave me if her name wasn't on there...so I lied.

AnvilheadII

sadly that was a pretty unfixable decision - putting someone's name on a birth certificate as leverage to try and make them stay....a birth certificate is our first and longest lasting legal document - thus the courts deliberately make it almost impossible to change.

hopefully the courts will rule in your favor regarding visitation. good luck

pattyG

Thank you anvil. I am so angry at myself. Why did I do something so stupid? I up until this point always felt like I did it for a good reason...if I hadnt she would've left and I would've blamed myself. She left anyway. So it is what it is. I am upset because if this had been a male/female relationship, I would've been able to change it in 60 days...which I tried to do. I could've changed it now because of duress and material misinformation. But because there is no acknowledgement of paternity they just dismissed it. Now I have to worry that when we go to court it may?? Give her rights. Everyone has said no but now I feel like who the hell knows?

SparkleKitty

Lawyers know. You need a good one who listens to you. Do not accept a lawyer who is not actively fighting for what you want, and do not tell a lawyer anything less than exactly what you want out of this.

It's your kids, Patty. You gotta let go of beating yourself up and start fighting!

stronger12879

PattyG, our court hearings are on the same date! We'll be together in solidarity! The purpose of mine is to make permanent the temporary order of protection I obtained against my XABF. I haven't seen him since the day after he assaulted me weeks ago, and I am extremely anxious about having to see him in court (if he even shows up - he missed the first hearing).
I'm praying and hoping we both get resolutions to our cases that will allow us to live our lives as peacefully as possible.
Best of luck to you!

laurie6781

If I am understanding this correctly, the child has none of her DNA?????

If so, then insist on a paternity test, to show that the child is NOT hers and that info
given to the court, plus any ongoing record you have of all the shenanigans from her
alcoholic drinking and I do believe she will be denied visitation or would only be
allowed supervised visitation, in which she must pay for the court recognized super-
visor.

Talk to your attorney, ask about insisting on a DNA test, and any other thing you
can think of. Has she had a DUI?? Those records should also be submitted. Has
she ever been violent where the police had to be called? Again, submit the record.

Remember we are walking with you and we will be sending prayers for the best
solution for your child(ren).

Love and hugs,

LexieCat

Just a quick question. Is this sitter who gave you the news about the letter from family court the same one who's always on her side?

I also think you need a good lawyer. I would suggest contacting a local support organization for the LGBT community, and see if they can suggest one. I cannot believe a court would recognize a birth certificate in New York naming same-sex parents without a registered marriage/domestic partnership or adoption. Something doesn't "smell" right about what you are being told.

pattyG

The problem is when the hospital asked if we were married at first I said no, then changed it to yes. Stupidly I thought I could always hire a lawyer later to change it if necessary. Common sense says that no marriage, adoption or DNA...no legal rights BUT I have been warned that this area is changing and it may not go that way. I spoke to the lawyer I will be retaining if the case isn't dismissed on that 1st date. She said because the dismissal was without prejudice I could file again with more info. I am going to fight this custody/visitation battle first. She hasn't had a dwi or police calls. I am fairly certain my girls she will be denied but my son because of the birth certificate...I don't know. It scares me. He is 8 months old...he doesn't even know her. I have truly been fighting and searching out answers but this is basically unheard of. I am afraid that they will say that I lied therefore the birth certificate stands and she is his other parent. And while initially it may be supervised eventually with good behavior it will become unsupervised and overnight....it is just a matter of time.

LexieCat

No, I think you are catastrophizing. The courts take the welfare of children VERY seriously--they don't punish the kids because a parent lied. If she has no legal ground for custody or visitation, then a false birth certificate cannot meet that requirement. Talk to your lawyer, because admitting you lied on an official document could have legal ramifications for YOU, but I am assuming you would sooner get charged with filing a false document than having her get custody/visitation rights. It may take a while, but this will get straightened out.

redatlanta

I'd blame it on the pain killers wink wink.

I will be surprised if she makes progress with this. You aren't married - its just ridiculous.

pattyG

Thank you so much. I am trying not to catastrophize this yet I am scared. Yesterday threw me. I have essentially been no contact since Jan 14 and am anxious with the court date approaching yet wish it could be here today just to get it overwith. I am trying to let God handle it. Thank you again.