secondwind

Last night I slept peacefully. I have a lot of things on my mind - finding a permanent babysitter for my overnight work shift. The anxiety that builds knowing Tuesday I go back to court for the final protection order hearing. Filing in court for custody. Securing new transportation.

In all of that Addicted Other is not on my mind. I thought I would be consumed with thoughts of where, when and whom, but I'm not.

With my thoughts not on AO - My mind has been clear to me and what I need to work on for my health.

*I can not buy another's sobriety or love.
*Learning to say "no"
*Learning I was not born to save someone else
*Letting go of guilt

I prayed for an hour this morning. On my knees and outloud.
What I asked for was strength.

Ann

Beginning each day with prayer has seen me through many rough seas, and I add my prayer to yours that the upcoming days unfold in your favour. With God holding you up, you cannot fall.

I always liked this quote from Winnie the Pooh (a wise little fella, I think)...

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

You'll be okay. All is well.

Hugs

jerect

Learning to say no is my hardest thing to conquer.. I find myself overextended because I feel like I have to "help" everyone and be there for everyone.. So much that I have no time for myself.. It's something I'm seriously struggling with right now

helpme33

We are taught to put others first, but, there are times when we have to say no. It was difficult for me too. My EXAH caused so many problems in my life, both at home and at work. Still it was many years before I could say I was strong enough to live life without him. I was taking care of the children, including to and from daycare, all of the house work, everything! Once I looked at what he wasn't doing to help at home, and all of the aggrevation he caused when he was around, him spending our money instead of paying bills, it was easier to focus on me, my children, and our future.

It will get easier!
(((huggs and prayers for strength)))

secondwind

I really need things to get easier.

Things were good most of the day.

Wanting time to fast forward and for it to be a year from now.

Wanting time to reverse and for it to be six years ago .

Anything but to be today.

The grief of loss is becoming overwhelming for me. The pit in the stomach.

It isn't a grief and longing for Addicted Other. Over the past month I had come to realize I did not love AO anymore.

It is a grief and longing for the loss of a relationship. Not the person. Grief of loosing the "normal" I had become accustomed too.

I was worried I would be obbessed with the who what where now that AO is gone. I thought I would be consumed with thoughts of his life now. So far I haven't been at all. I have no desire to contact or check up on him. I know that could all change in an instance.

GardenMama

You are doing a great job sorting things out, Carrie. It's really painful to lose a relationship because no matter if the love has gone, there was something in the space between you that you'll miss for a long time. It's good to grieve it now and just feel what you're feeling. When I finally made my decision to divorce (after 17yrs and two children), I remember an image that popped in my mind: I was at the top of a mountain, broken and unhappy, and yet could see another mountain in the sunny distance, far away. I knew I had to go down this one to get up another, and that there would be darkness and difficulty along the way. There sure was. But I made it. Keep centering your loving thoughts on you and your children and your future, but live fully in each day, even if its a sad day. Peace.

Kindeyes

Carrie,
There were days that I prayed, screaming, yelling at God because I thought he'd hear me better if I yelled. There were days that I prayed, sobbing, in a fetal position at the bottom of the shower while the warm water washed away my pain. There were days that I prayed, quietly, three words.....please help me.

It took a while, and a whole lot of praying, but things got better for me and I pray that they will for you too.

gentle hugs
ke