Confronted The Monster.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 57
Confronted The Monster.
Went down to get my dogs where the Estranged AB is, and thought out of compassion he looked so pathetic. I'm going to try and talk sense to him about getting help for his drinking.
He got so enraged like a ( crazed animal)
Calling me names,blaming me , I said If my son heard you speak to me that way he'd kick yur A$$.( son was on his way over to get something) And I had my phone in my pocket, told him tapping the conversation so I could play it back to him so he can hear himself.
Big mistake on my part, someone posted to me , to think how sick they are and show compassion.
So I stopped talking when he got up said Let me give you a hug.
He starts screaming get away from me your trying to hurt me physically, Get away before I call the police. I'll have you all thrown in jail for threatening my life.
I have never seen anything like it , the way you guys have said they will "Protect their Addiction" Like a lioness.
Lesson learned.
No compassion
He is invisible to me
Till Im out.
Someone posted me me a note about trying to feel a little compassion.
He got so enraged like a ( crazed animal)
Calling me names,blaming me , I said If my son heard you speak to me that way he'd kick yur A$$.( son was on his way over to get something) And I had my phone in my pocket, told him tapping the conversation so I could play it back to him so he can hear himself.
Big mistake on my part, someone posted to me , to think how sick they are and show compassion.
So I stopped talking when he got up said Let me give you a hug.
He starts screaming get away from me your trying to hurt me physically, Get away before I call the police. I'll have you all thrown in jail for threatening my life.
I have never seen anything like it , the way you guys have said they will "Protect their Addiction" Like a lioness.
Lesson learned.
No compassion
He is invisible to me
Till Im out.
Someone posted me me a note about trying to feel a little compassion.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I hope you are okay! That sounds very scary.
Though I might gently suggest that compassion is not necessarily best expressed by "trying to talk some sense" into someone about their drinking. For someone who is clinging to their addiction so fiercely, such an expression might only be able to be seen and perceived as shaming or condescending. Yes, he is making a mess of his life. But it is his life to make a mess of.
I hope you can get out of that living situation soon!
Though I might gently suggest that compassion is not necessarily best expressed by "trying to talk some sense" into someone about their drinking. For someone who is clinging to their addiction so fiercely, such an expression might only be able to be seen and perceived as shaming or condescending. Yes, he is making a mess of his life. But it is his life to make a mess of.
I hope you can get out of that living situation soon!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
More was revealed to you, italiungrl.
Sometimes these encounters allow us a better understanding of what this disease/ addiction truly is.
I have to agree with you keep your distance. You can remain compassionate (in your mind and heart) you can have empathy for the situation, but protect yourself first, touch the fire, you will be burned everytime.
Keep the focus on yourself.
Peace, my friend.
Sometimes these encounters allow us a better understanding of what this disease/ addiction truly is.
I have to agree with you keep your distance. You can remain compassionate (in your mind and heart) you can have empathy for the situation, but protect yourself first, touch the fire, you will be burned everytime.
Keep the focus on yourself.
Peace, my friend.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
It was me who suggested compassion. Let me be clear on what that looks like in situations such as yours.
It means removing yourself from a dangerous situation in whatever means possible, protecting your sanity and health, while understanding this person is out of control and not who you knew or once thought you knew. That a disease process has overtaken the brain and you are dealing directly with the addiction part of the disease. That underneath is a person who is seriously out of control.
Not to approach him and try some kind of direct action.
Compassion is a mind set more than anything. The ability to understand, as best we can, that someone else is having the struggle of their lifetime.
It isn't to allow someone to abuse you or make you feel unsafe. And it isn't a means to try to control another person, as that can come across as patronizing.
It's simply recognizing this is out of your hands, and out of his as well.
I said try to have some compassion meaning it for you as a way to help combat some of the anger you feel toward him. It is one of the antidote's to anger.
Hope this clarifies it a bit.
~T
It means removing yourself from a dangerous situation in whatever means possible, protecting your sanity and health, while understanding this person is out of control and not who you knew or once thought you knew. That a disease process has overtaken the brain and you are dealing directly with the addiction part of the disease. That underneath is a person who is seriously out of control.
Not to approach him and try some kind of direct action.
Compassion is a mind set more than anything. The ability to understand, as best we can, that someone else is having the struggle of their lifetime.
It isn't to allow someone to abuse you or make you feel unsafe. And it isn't a means to try to control another person, as that can come across as patronizing.
It's simply recognizing this is out of your hands, and out of his as well.
I said try to have some compassion meaning it for you as a way to help combat some of the anger you feel toward him. It is one of the antidote's to anger.
Hope this clarifies it a bit.
~T
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
Stop trying to "talk sense to him." He's an adult, not a seven year old child. If he wants to get help for his addiction, he will. You can't talk him into it. You cannot help him. The best thing for you to do is to stay away from him, cut contact with him, work on your own issues and live your life separate from him. Al-anon meetings can help you learn how to detach from him and how to take care of yourself.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Tucson
Posts: 86
Tuffgirl's advice was excellent. Sometimes it gets hard to see a loved one who is suffering underneath all the ugliness we are exposed to. My AD has hurt me so much and causes me so much anger and frustration and pain, that, if I am being honest, I sometimes find myself having feelings of hate and disgust towards her.
If I take a step back and look at her as if she were a stranger, I can feel compassion for her. I dont know why its easier to feel compassion for a stranger in this place, than it is for my own daughter. but like someone mentioned, compassion doesnt necessarily mean taking action. It just means feeling it. You can still feel compassion and walk away. Which is what I am working on.
If I take a step back and look at her as if she were a stranger, I can feel compassion for her. I dont know why its easier to feel compassion for a stranger in this place, than it is for my own daughter. but like someone mentioned, compassion doesnt necessarily mean taking action. It just means feeling it. You can still feel compassion and walk away. Which is what I am working on.
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