verylost

I haven't been on here for awhile. Life has been good for me and the kids, AXH was coming by once or twice a week to see the kids and he was even contributing. All in all my life is focused on the kids and work. Over the past month he hasn't come that much, there was always an excuse and honestly I don't care or question. Anyway...I should have realized this was coming. Yesterday I got a call at work, AXH wasn't terribly coherent, but he was basically calling to say goodbye he had taken a large amount of cocaine with something else and was trying to kill himself. He was going in and out, but he said he couldn't figure out how to live without me and he knew I would never trust him again. I got someone else to call 911 and fortunately the fire dept showed up in a few minutes and was able to get inside. I heard from him much later, he certainly didn't sound great, but he was going to be ok. So now I'm just sad and pissed off. He apologized for involving me, but of course he meant to. I am busy raising two small children on my own...I will not visit him, I will not help him and his life which was clearly falling apart is probably just going to get worse (again). I don't understand why he can't get his life together...Im sure his job is done and he'll probably homeless again soon. Anyway I just feel bad and I'm angry that I'm even thinking about this. I think part of it is that I just feel bad that one of my main thoughts is if he's going to kill himself...so be it...just do it now when the kids are 5 and 1 so they'll be fine. It'll be horrible but I can help a 5 year old through this...but it'll be much worse if this happens 10 years from now.

AnvilheadII

your thoughts and feelings are valid...watching your ex, father of your children, descend into the morass of addiction IS tough. especially when they start going off the deep edge. you are trying to figure out what is BEST for your kids....now and in the future. bless you for that!

-sidebar...of all the drugs one could consider trying to OD and possibly "end it all" cocaine seems a strange choice.

supportforme

Very lost - I'm so sorry you are going through this... I too have a exAH that is just no longer capable of being a father. It's sad - For me I had to acknowledge that the man that fathered my children is gone. He no longer exists. I have two boys - 7 & 14 and my teenager is in agony. There are times that I think it's harder on them that he is living as an addict b/c they still see him sporadically and begin to have hope for the dad they once had. And his addiction continues to surface and cause them heartache and dissappointment. For kids that have a parent that died, there is pain and then they can begin the healing process. You and your kids are in my prayers.

hello-kitty

You are doing the right thing - protecting the stability of your children.