Daughter Addicted to Heroin
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2
Daughter Addicted to Heroin
Hi guys, this is my first post. I need some support in dealing with my heroin addicted daughter. She is 23. She began using heroin last summer after her brother died from a drug overdose. I can't bear to lose another child to addiction, but I also know I cannot "make" her do anything she refuses to do. She has to want it.
She is in the process of divorcing her husband. She lives at her grandma's house 40 miles away from us. She has a job but is about to lose it because she has been absent so many times. She has no car. This last weekend she called us to come pick her up because she was so sick from trying to detox again. We went to an outpatient clinic in our town, but they couldn't admit her then, said she'd have to wait until Tuesday when the doctor is there.
Last night she asked us to take her back to grandma's, that she wanted to sleep in her own bed. (Manipulation, I know) She threw her drug stuff in the dumpster and said she was deleting her sources' numbers from her phone. We caved and took her back but found out this morning that within 15 minutes of us dropping her off she was picked up and stayed out all night. Really not surprising...it just sucks not being able to trust your daughter at all.
We had thought that she could live with us and go to the outpatient center daily for methadone and therapy, but now I'm thinking residential treatment might be better for her AND us. She has some heavy emotional work she needs to do - she's been shutting down any bad feelings for years. I am thinking we will give her the choice: Get residential treatment or we will shut down the cell phone (she's on our acct and we pay) and she will no longer have use of grandma's car. We have good insurance, so I'm hoping we won't have to pay much out of pocket.
Any thoughts? I need some advice from someone who's been there. Thanks
She is in the process of divorcing her husband. She lives at her grandma's house 40 miles away from us. She has a job but is about to lose it because she has been absent so many times. She has no car. This last weekend she called us to come pick her up because she was so sick from trying to detox again. We went to an outpatient clinic in our town, but they couldn't admit her then, said she'd have to wait until Tuesday when the doctor is there.
Last night she asked us to take her back to grandma's, that she wanted to sleep in her own bed. (Manipulation, I know) She threw her drug stuff in the dumpster and said she was deleting her sources' numbers from her phone. We caved and took her back but found out this morning that within 15 minutes of us dropping her off she was picked up and stayed out all night. Really not surprising...it just sucks not being able to trust your daughter at all.
We had thought that she could live with us and go to the outpatient center daily for methadone and therapy, but now I'm thinking residential treatment might be better for her AND us. She has some heavy emotional work she needs to do - she's been shutting down any bad feelings for years. I am thinking we will give her the choice: Get residential treatment or we will shut down the cell phone (she's on our acct and we pay) and she will no longer have use of grandma's car. We have good insurance, so I'm hoping we won't have to pay much out of pocket.
Any thoughts? I need some advice from someone who's been there. Thanks
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome, Sliver. I am so sorry for your loss and sad that your daughter is on a bad path right now.
My son is an addict, has been in and out of the recovery/relapse revolving door for years and years. He has been missing the past 8 years, lost in his addiction somewhere. So I know your pain and don't tell you this to scare you but to let you know that regardless of how our addicted children do, we can live in peace and we don't have to live under the dark cloud of fear every day. I lived there for years and can tell you it will kill your soul if you stay there too long.
What helped me, what literally saved my life was to find a live 12-step meeting and begin putting my own life back together again. CoDA, Al-anon and Nar-anon are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us here find our balance and our sanity again.
Make yourself comfortable, take a good read around and I hope you will find comfort and support here that will help you deal with this horrible disease.
Hugs
Ann
My son is an addict, has been in and out of the recovery/relapse revolving door for years and years. He has been missing the past 8 years, lost in his addiction somewhere. So I know your pain and don't tell you this to scare you but to let you know that regardless of how our addicted children do, we can live in peace and we don't have to live under the dark cloud of fear every day. I lived there for years and can tell you it will kill your soul if you stay there too long.
What helped me, what literally saved my life was to find a live 12-step meeting and begin putting my own life back together again. CoDA, Al-anon and Nar-anon are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us here find our balance and our sanity again.
Make yourself comfortable, take a good read around and I hope you will find comfort and support here that will help you deal with this horrible disease.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 261
Hello,
I don't have any children, but my husband is an active crack addict and I understand what you are going through. You can't trust your daughter. She tells you what you want to hear to get her next fix.
This is my advice:
Take her off the cell phone bill
Do not let her use a vehicle
Put her in treatment
When she is out of treatment, offer her a place to stay under the conditions that she abide by whatever rules you set for her. OR send her to a relatively stringent sober living facility. Make sure that it is strict - drug tests, early curfew, etc.
Heroin addiction is comparable to crack addiction in that it is so devastatingly addictive and the relapse rate is so high. I have been with a man who has been struggling with his addiction for years and have learned that people only have a successful chance at recovery if they are around people who are in recovery as well.
In the mean time, for you, post here, read here, and go to CoDA meetings. This will help you heal.
Best,
YG
I don't have any children, but my husband is an active crack addict and I understand what you are going through. You can't trust your daughter. She tells you what you want to hear to get her next fix.
This is my advice:
Take her off the cell phone bill
Do not let her use a vehicle
Put her in treatment
When she is out of treatment, offer her a place to stay under the conditions that she abide by whatever rules you set for her. OR send her to a relatively stringent sober living facility. Make sure that it is strict - drug tests, early curfew, etc.
Heroin addiction is comparable to crack addiction in that it is so devastatingly addictive and the relapse rate is so high. I have been with a man who has been struggling with his addiction for years and have learned that people only have a successful chance at recovery if they are around people who are in recovery as well.
In the mean time, for you, post here, read here, and go to CoDA meetings. This will help you heal.
Best,
YG
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: The Middle Distance
Posts: 197
Dearest Sliver, so very sorry for your heartache. You have come to the right place. You will get a lot of understanding and great feedback here on SR.
I also have a daughter addicted to heroin. Yes, it does suck. At one time I wished I could get in her body and her mind and live her life for her - better than she seemed to be doing. Not possible, I know. But that is the kind of insanity I lived with for a long time...
My point is that even in the midst of the crisis of your daughter's addiction, please take care of yourself. I found AlAnon, CODA, and NarAnon several years ago and the twelve steps saved my life.
My daughter's life has been kind of a roller coaster, but my life has become more balanced and sane as those principles found root in my heart and mind.
Your and daughter are in my prayers...
I also have a daughter addicted to heroin. Yes, it does suck. At one time I wished I could get in her body and her mind and live her life for her - better than she seemed to be doing. Not possible, I know. But that is the kind of insanity I lived with for a long time...
My point is that even in the midst of the crisis of your daughter's addiction, please take care of yourself. I found AlAnon, CODA, and NarAnon several years ago and the twelve steps saved my life.
My daughter's life has been kind of a roller coaster, but my life has become more balanced and sane as those principles found root in my heart and mind.
Your and daughter are in my prayers...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear Sliver, I am another Mom of a heroin addict, mine is 22. I would support that you offer her a chance at inpatient rehab. That really gives them the tools to understand addiction, and during that time, you can also learn so much by attending alanon or Nar anon meetings. Here at SR, we share our experience, strength and hope. Our thoughts and support are here for you.
Hugs
Teresa
Hugs
Teresa
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Sliver
Welcome to SR........this is a great resource with so many people who understand what it's like to love someone dear to them who is addicted.
I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your son to an overdose. It is always so incredibly sad to hear that this disease has taken another. I can't even imagine the feelings you are dealing with as you see your daughter in her addiction as well.
The best thing I did for myself (and indirectly for my son as well) was to work the program that I wished he would. It worked for me.
I hope you stick around and share your journey with us. We all learn from each other. You and your dear daughter will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Welcome to SR........this is a great resource with so many people who understand what it's like to love someone dear to them who is addicted.
I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your son to an overdose. It is always so incredibly sad to hear that this disease has taken another. I can't even imagine the feelings you are dealing with as you see your daughter in her addiction as well.
The best thing I did for myself (and indirectly for my son as well) was to work the program that I wished he would. It worked for me.
I hope you stick around and share your journey with us. We all learn from each other. You and your dear daughter will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2
Thank you all for your kind words, it really helps. The inpatient facility nearest us is not on our insurance and would cost about $3,000 for our share of cost. We can't afford that. When I called the insurance, they transferred me to their behavioral health division, who said they don't deal with who is on the PPO list and transferred me back. I became so frustrated I just hung up. I will try again in the morning.
The loss of my son is still fresh, it was only last June and I miss him so terribly, we were very close. My daughter says today she has gone to "stay with friends" and now she's going to try and get clean herself. We know how that will turn out. I will look into the groups you all mentioned and see if we can get some support. I feel so helpless because all my efforts to help my son were futile...<sigh> Thanks everyone
The loss of my son is still fresh, it was only last June and I miss him so terribly, we were very close. My daughter says today she has gone to "stay with friends" and now she's going to try and get clean herself. We know how that will turn out. I will look into the groups you all mentioned and see if we can get some support. I feel so helpless because all my efforts to help my son were futile...<sigh> Thanks everyone
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Sliver, the Salvation Army rehabs are free and they are very good, particularly the long term rehabs (9 months to a year).
Also, AA and NA meetings don't cost anything and have helped millions.
There are many recovery programs open to all who are willing. I pray your daughter becomes willing soon. The success of any program is proportionate to the willingness of the participant and if they are not willing, there isn't a program in the world that will help.
Hugs
Also, AA and NA meetings don't cost anything and have helped millions.
There are many recovery programs open to all who are willing. I pray your daughter becomes willing soon. The success of any program is proportionate to the willingness of the participant and if they are not willing, there isn't a program in the world that will help.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southern NJ/Philadelphia
Posts: 151
NA meetings could be a huge help! The members of NA are all so welcoming and truly care for other members. It could be a good place for her to vent to other addicts. I'm 26 and it has worked for me. Also, someone I know has taken a Vivitrol shot with great success, this may be something to speak with you doctor about. I haven't heard many good stories with methadone because I've heard it's very addictive. But different things works better for different people. Anyway, NA is free and they have meetings eveywhere. Give it a shot it has worked wonders for me in the past 91 days!
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by PhilsFan33 
NA meetings could be a huge help! The members of NA are all so welcoming and truly care for other members. It could be a good place for her to vent to other addicts. I'm 26 and it has worked for me. Also, someone I know has taken a Vivitrol shot with great success, this may be something to speak with you doctor about. I haven't heard many good stories with methadone because I've heard it's very addictive. But different things works better for different people. Anyway, NA is free and they have meetings eveywhere. Give it a shot it has worked wonders for me in the past 91 days!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear Sliver, try googling "free rehabs - your city location" on the internet. i have found 10 very good listings that are under $500.00 per month or free depending on the intake requirements. Since my son is homeless and court ordered, this has been a helpful tool. He relapsed recently and when he gets out of jail for his petty nonsense, he is planning on going to a long term program much like the salvation army called Victory outreach. There is a lot of help in the community, I dont know about your location, but here in California, you can dial 2-1-1 and it connects you to a live person who will give you resource information that suits your needs. It has info on rehabs, AA/NA, free detox, etc.
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