I learned some pretty big lessons
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
I learned some pretty big lessons
I learned some pretty big lessons since April when I started to really try and change my behavior.
I learned that I must embrace my addictions whole heartedly. There is no "I am sorta able to drink. I can sometimes do cocaine." I know I cannot. Period.
That's my base to build on. The unambiguous foundation that even one is not possible.
That takes a boat load of stress off me. It's black or white.
The second biggest lesson I learned was I played the victim role about nearly everything negative in my life.
I stopped blaming my family and God for treating me that way or making me this way but I still skillfully used it as a weapon against myself. The more subtle the blame became over time the more my addictive voice had a feast. It became a silent killer.
Reading posts on SR and seeing that common thread that runs through many stories gave me insight to my own prejudice against myself and others. Seeing it freed me of many long held objections to life. I saw what I was fighting was ridiculous.
How do i know I am not playing the victim role any longer? Because I stopped looking outside of me for the solutions.
I eventually want the tools i use to stay sober to be transparent in my actions. That the new ways I forge will just be as natural as drinking was. I can see it in those that post with some sober time behind them. They project the steady as you go attitude that helps me a lot.
I find SR to be the most powerful over time. Seeing the new people and what is posted when they arrive. Seeing the patterns that emerge that show me the way. I have tried to be a really good listener.
Anyway... Just wanted to share how I felt about things at this moment in time. I have a long way to go. I have a lot of pain on the horizon that I cannot keep putting off. More pain perhaps than the sum of my past.
Inaction to help myself is the same as hurting myself.
Have a good sober Monday! I will.
I learned that I must embrace my addictions whole heartedly. There is no "I am sorta able to drink. I can sometimes do cocaine." I know I cannot. Period.
That's my base to build on. The unambiguous foundation that even one is not possible.
That takes a boat load of stress off me. It's black or white.
The second biggest lesson I learned was I played the victim role about nearly everything negative in my life.
I stopped blaming my family and God for treating me that way or making me this way but I still skillfully used it as a weapon against myself. The more subtle the blame became over time the more my addictive voice had a feast. It became a silent killer.
Reading posts on SR and seeing that common thread that runs through many stories gave me insight to my own prejudice against myself and others. Seeing it freed me of many long held objections to life. I saw what I was fighting was ridiculous.
How do i know I am not playing the victim role any longer? Because I stopped looking outside of me for the solutions.
I eventually want the tools i use to stay sober to be transparent in my actions. That the new ways I forge will just be as natural as drinking was. I can see it in those that post with some sober time behind them. They project the steady as you go attitude that helps me a lot.
I find SR to be the most powerful over time. Seeing the new people and what is posted when they arrive. Seeing the patterns that emerge that show me the way. I have tried to be a really good listener.
Anyway... Just wanted to share how I felt about things at this moment in time. I have a long way to go. I have a lot of pain on the horizon that I cannot keep putting off. More pain perhaps than the sum of my past.
Inaction to help myself is the same as hurting myself.
Have a good sober Monday! I will.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Between the Moon & the Stars
Posts: 211
Ken, I absolutely love your posts. I'm drawn to you because we have a very similar thought process.
You are so articulate that I hope you considering writing some day. Seriously.
Facing wreckage is difficult. But it's also necessary. I was still in denial the first time I tried sobriety. In hindsight it was because I was still unwilling to deal with things. My unwillingness kept me drunk.
You have some emotional pain in your future. But I'm confident you can handle it and in the end you will emerge happy, joyous & free.
Your awareness will take you a long way.
Enjoy your Monday. For me, I think I'll clean out the garage a bit. Should be near 50 degrees today but downhill weather-wise the rest of the week. Dang....I'm SO ready for Spring!
You are so articulate that I hope you considering writing some day. Seriously.
Facing wreckage is difficult. But it's also necessary. I was still in denial the first time I tried sobriety. In hindsight it was because I was still unwilling to deal with things. My unwillingness kept me drunk.
You have some emotional pain in your future. But I'm confident you can handle it and in the end you will emerge happy, joyous & free.
Your awareness will take you a long way.
Enjoy your Monday. For me, I think I'll clean out the garage a bit. Should be near 50 degrees today but downhill weather-wise the rest of the week. Dang....I'm SO ready for Spring!
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Thank you Jim!
Thank you SF. I love to write and since joining SR I have found a cathartic way to unload the burden. A captive audience so to speak. No pun intended.
I am very humbled by what I read here.
Ken
Thank you SF. I love to write and since joining SR I have found a cathartic way to unload the burden. A captive audience so to speak. No pun intended.
I am very humbled by what I read here.
Ken
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
So happy I got to read this post today. Thank you Ken. I feel the same way.
One of my good friends is always telling me this:
'Do not project or attempt to predict the possible wreckage of your future'
My problem is me. Today I can accept that and do something about it.
One of my good friends is always telling me this:
'Do not project or attempt to predict the possible wreckage of your future'
My problem is me. Today I can accept that and do something about it.
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