Bunny7

I Just have days where I feel really lonely, and just lost. I just really ready to sort of give up. Not on sobriety, but everything you know
Im just fed up of my life. Its not necessarily that I want to die, I just want to enjoy living without this horrible dark cloud over my head all the time - worrying about if people will find out Im actually a **** human being, girlfriend, friend, everything.
Its not that I dont want to live sober and want to get back on the ****, its that Im realising things sober I was happily ignoring drunk. It just hurts, all the time.
I just want to be ******* happy, or something. I dont want to keep worrying, being stressed, and being unhappy.
Any advice or anything? I'm so down today. Sorry.

Coldfusion

Hi, Bunny

It's easier to act into a new way of thinking, than it is to think into a new way of acting.

So here is one simple action to help get out from under that cloud.

That thing in your signature, walking back and forth under a gray cloud--it will be there until you change it. But, you know, it's real simple to change it; and then that will be one little part of you that is not under a cloud.

mecanix

I was all of those things when I and the world didn't meet my own expectations .
I reduced my passionate desire for things to be as I wanted .
Learning to accept the world as it is, with its pain and suffering set me free to enjoy the moment and today to the maximum, without a hangover from the past nor worry over the future .
I'm still learning and practacing and have more to do ,

remember to do something nice for yourself and maybe do something nice for someone else today if you have the power too , as doing something good is always worthwhile

Bestwishes, M

Quinne

This may unintentionally come across as trite, but when I'm feeling bleak, I usually do something for someone else as I know I'm getting stuck in my head and It's not a safe place to be;

-Call a friend and see how they're doing
-Bake something for my AA home group
-Smile at a stranger

Etc.

I know some days it can be painfully difficult, but I *do* notice a difference, even if It's only slight

Xx

bigsombrero

I know what you mean Bunny. Being stoned and drunk didn't MAKE me happy, but it did dull my senses enough so that being bored didn't suck so bad. You are on the right track - you have rid yourself of alcohol long enough to step back and SEE your life for what it is. At least you have that - before you were blissfully unaware.

Also, do you know how much we Yanks shell out to go and visit New Zealand? I'd love to go there! I live in Chicago, wanna swap flats for a while???

You have a thirsty brain, and with no booze it's barking. Start feeding that brain things that are INTERESTING to you, learn something new, like that person above said, go smile at a stranger! It's a crazy thing this life we've been given - enjoy it, feed your sober brain with information and go out and touch the world.

bigsombrero

I just went to my local coffee shop and saw the girl working there had a new haircut. I asked her if she had done something new, and that it looked really good! She blushed and smiled and said yes it was a new 'do. It was a simple and easy way to reach out to another human on this day where I haven't done a damn thing.

fantail

Hi Bunny,

I know what you mean. I get that way, too. I've never been suicidal, either, but I have definitely had days where I've felt like it wouldn't be such a big deal if I did die. Days where I feel like life is exhausting and repetitive and just a big slog.

My normal reaction to this is to get drunk enough that I find YouTube fascinating or every single thing that anyone says is hilarious.

So now at less than two weeks sober I've been having to just roll with it. The farthest I've gotten so far are noticing that there are two different versions of feeling down. If it's Version A, I really benefit from giving myself a kick and forcing myself to do something that I don't feel interested in but I know I'll enjoy once I get to it.

If it's Version B, though, which is the really heavy, this-mood-ain't-going-nowhere stuff, kicking myself to go do something normal and fun just makes me feel worse. Sometimes I just lean into it, let it go, and read a book or watch a movie to help take my mind off of it.

What's tricky is that if I lean into Version A I make it worse... and if I try to give Version B a kick, I make it worse. I'm trying to get better at identifying which is which.

Dee74

Bunny - I think early recovery can be a time of internal turmoil and even sadness and grief - as bad as our old life was, it was our life.

do you think maybe you're depressed?
Do you have a Dr?

D

bigsombrero

Good food for thought! I too have struggled to "motivate myself" for a long time before I realized there were different ways to do it! I didn't think about it this way before, thank you for the enlightened words.

Tammy47

yea, well put Fantail. Never thought about it that way.

paul99

Yup! Getting out of my own head is the only way I was able to get through those days (and I did have those kind of days, early one especially). I didn't feel like it, nor did I want to, but I had to do something different, or else nothing changed. Seeing / asking how other people are, or doing something for other people...it's amazing how you start to get that cloud off of you.

Try it - nothing to lose

Bunny7

Thanks all, I feel quite selfish now like its not that I'm a nasty, self absorbed person, I do like to make everyone else happy & what-not. I guess I could always do more to make others days better.
Thanks xx also ill figure out how to change my signature, I'm not sure how I did it in the first place!

Dee74

it's not selfish to post about how you feel

to change sig - click 'user CP' (top left hand corner of the big blue toolbar running across the top of the page) - scroll down to 'edit signature'

D

kizzy40

Aw bunny you're not selfish and nobody thinks that
It is hard to get across or put into words, the way you feel now is something that many have or are experiencing on here too.
Recovery as I see it is like snakes and ladders,we are all stood on different squares trying to help and encourage those who are a few steps behind, or have slid down and are trying to make it back up again.
What i'm trying to say is it's normal to feel confused, scared or anxious. Have you had any counselling, talking may release some pressure?