quitforme79

On lunch break today my friend was talking about a concert she's going to and how she can't wait to get drunk because she will have a night off from being a mom. Usually I am okay when people talk about these things but for some reason today it just totally set me off into a craving. I am stressed out more than usual because I am waiting to hear if my work permit has been approved from DMV and I have been waiting on hold for over an hour for 3 days in a row without success. I just finally got through to someone and the call ended. I don't know if I lost the signal or if they hung up but I am at mt wit's end. I have been feeling so positive and optimistic about accepting that I can't drive right now but I want my freedom back. I can't even get to a meeting tonight because all my AA friends aren't going. And I can't take a cab because I am broke til tomorrow. I won't drink but I have been fantasizing about getting out of my mind today. I know that this will be a life long thing but sometimes I just get so sick of having to always work so hard and question everything "Is this good for my sobriety?" "Am I really living the program?" "Am I turning things over to my higher power or trying to have too much control?" I just really needed to vent and thanks to anyone who read ....here's hoping for a better night / day tomorrow...

mecanix

Remember to do something delightful for yourself today quitforme ,

I have a jar of honey in the cupboard , it's wild tazmanian , sometimes it just nice to know it's there for me to put the spoon into and just enjoy , i think of those nice bees half a world away buzzing away their lives . i only ever have one small spoon and i only have it maybe once a week or every couple of weeks , to me it's a flowery taste of delight
Alternatively i like a shower, clean bed clothes and early night knowing i'll feel better for it tomorow .

Bestwishes, M

Dee74

Try and relax Quit - you're stressed out and it's pretty natural that our thoughts turn to escape.

The really important thing is our response - and you did well.

A night off with no worry does sound great - we just don't get to do that drinking anymore

I hope you figured out something fun and relaxing to do

D

hypochondriac

I often react badly to people saying these things too, usually it's a 'why do they get to' response. I worry if I am doing the right thing for my sobriety a lot too. I think it all boils down to doubt really. Doubt that I really want to be sober so I get jealous of other people drinking, and doubt if I am heading in the right direction sobriety wise. It sounds like you are having the same whole back and forth thing. I think it is part of the process too though. No one is 100% certain about their path all of the time. Just don't drink and keep on the same path for now and see how things work out x

Lilly88

Just keep telling yourself that in the morning you will feel tens times worst then the feeling you will get from drinking. I read somewhere (maybe on a forum) that you never wake up sober wishing you drank last night! Keep going!!! :-)

renaldo

I'm right there with you. By no means are you alone. Regardless of our position in life, someone has been through the same thing. Nothing is new under the sun. That's why there's classic literature... because people have done this ever since there have been people, whatever the behavior may be.

Purplecatlover

It's an urge. Yes they suck. They make you panic like a trapped animal but they will pass.
Urges can't hurt you ( cause emotional distress, yes) but going back to drinking will hurt EVERYTHING.
Stay strong quit, it will pass. Watch funny animal videos on YouTube. They make me laugh & pass time.

Fallow

Thanks for posting this quit. I have been feeling some of the same feelings. I heard somebody say if I start debating why they can drink and I cannot, I lose the debate. I know I will lose!

Its hard for me sometimes to hear the people at work talking about happy hour, when we are all stressed, knowing I can't take even a glass of beer. I love AA but do not always want to go. I am sick and tired of being an alcoholic, but I have to look at it, or I'll take back all the consequences of drinking just like that. Its frustrating.

My release is another day sober. Some chocolates, a cup of tea, and a reminder to myself that today is still a gift and I can learn something from it.

quitforme79

Thank you so much everyone. I took something from each and every one of you tonight. I forced myself to take a shower (so I wouldn't nap), made tea and listened to an AA speaker meeting online. The speaker was great and had me laughing and crying...what do you know he said stuff I needed to hear just like all of you did in this thread Sometimes I think I overthink...NO, I know I overthink lol Thanks again for the support, you all rock! I can do ANYTHING for 24 hours and I sleep for 8 so really that's just 16 And yes, I always think of that expression "you never regret NOT drinking"