BoxinRotz

Well, Hubby is back at it. It didn't take long. No. He sobered up on 12/9/12-2/?/13. He's been drinking for a couple weeks now, I know. All I have to do is look at him and I know. He drinks. Calls off work. Drinks some more. Lies. Gets a little loud. Goes to bed. Wakes up. Drinks.

Just when I think he crawls out of the bottle he dives head first back into a new one. Today is his son's birthday. He was sober when he left and said he was going to go see him. He came back an hour later drunk. You know, just enough time to run to the liquor store and drink his vodka on the way home. He never went to see him.

He sat at the counter and blurted out that he can't sober up on his own. Of course, he was drunk. I asked him, What does that mean? (I know what it means... he needs rehab) He said he needs rehab.

He's been on his drunk all February, that we haven't even gone to do our taxes yet and he doesn't care. So tomorrow, he wants me to call rehab for him to set it up (I bet he will deny this tomorrow and fight about it). Well, tomorrow, he's calling work and finding out what kind of time he has vacation wise, doing taxes and then I will call regardless. Hopefully, he'll be sleeping there tomorrow night instead of with me. He so needs this.

My heart aches so badly right now. My marriage is broken. My husband... I don't know who he is. He's lost and I feel like I'm the one holding the weight of our world up.

Another

his work should have a type of leave for this kind of matter. Like you, they want the employee healthy

marie1960

So you are going to call the rehab?

If he is serious he can call for himself. (If you call it may end up to be a waste of time, energy, and money)

Will he even remember this conversation tomorrow?

I am sad to hear that the walls around you are crumbling, it really is a horrible feeling.
Sure hope you can start to take care of YOU.

EnglishGarden

I'm so sorry for your pain.

But he needs his pain. And plenty of it. He needs the dots firmly connected: alcohol=misery.

So don't rescue him.

And take care of yourself.

ReflectingOnMe

Bless your heart; thinking of you.

CeciliaV

Agreed - many companies have short term disability benefits, or if his employer has 50+ employees, he could qualify for FMLA:
Employment Law Guide - Family and Medical Leave

My husband filed for leave under FMLA and is using his accrued sick time for his time away from work (about one month) to keep the checks coming in while he's in rehab.

...but I do have to agree with marie here...he needs to make the call to rehab himself. Once my husband decided to go to rehab and had set up his stay & had notified work that he was going on leave, THEN I became an advocate for him and helped cross T's and dot I's. But until then, it was up to him.

BoxinRotz

He used all his sick time up last year for a C3-C4 neck surgery. He will have to use his vacation time and FMLA for this. I have no problem handing him the phone and his insurance card. I'm tired.

ShootingStar1

I am so sorry to hear this, BoxinRotz. It was so hopeful, and I had my fingers crossed for you that he would make it. Maybe if he really wants to go to rehab and gets himself there, this will be just a minor relapse.

So very sorry.

ShootingStar1

Recovering2

I know that disappointment and exhaustion. My BF was sober for 5 weeks this past summer, we were doing great. Then I came home from work, and I knew the minute I looked at him that he was drunk. I wanted to just sink into the floor. My hope went out the window in a nano second. I can look back now and realize that while he was sober, he had no program or plan. It was only a matter of time, I just didn't know that at the time.
Several months of drinking,and he wants to go to rehab. I make the call, do the packing, make the lists...and he backs out last minute. Ugh. When he told me a week later that he was ready, I handed him the phone #. I let him make all the arrangements, I agreed to drive him. It was the best decision for me.
I hope your husband sticks with his plan, and I hope you get some much needed rest from this.

BoxinRotz

He gets so mad when I say *vodka* it's almost funny to me. The last time I said it, he sneared and walked away saying, *I don't know what you're talking about!* That's his answer every single time I ask if he's been drinking. I don't even know why I ask really.

So just to be an ass, I looked up his name in Russian. It's Yakov. I said, *Yakov! You like a leetel Russian running arun hur!* He thought that was pretty funny and headed to the bedroom.

His life is out of control. His love right now is not human.

HopefulmomtoD

UGH. I'm sorry. ;-(

redatlanta

BoxinRotz - haven't seen you in awhile - so sorry about this I was hoping, as we all were, that he would get it together.

Keeping you in my thoughts.

LexieCat

If he hasn't done rehab before, it might make a difference. What did he do for recovery last time? Did he just try to do it on his own?

I kept rehab in the back of my mind as a "Plan B" if I couldn't stay sober after doing 90 meetings in 90 days. I didn't want to take the time off from work if I could help it. But I know people who swear rehab was the best thing in the world for them.

This could be BS, but he wanted it enough to stay sober for two months, so it could be sincere. Not suggesting you make the arrangements for him--I agree that if he wants it he should do it himself--just saying it isn't necessarily quacking. You know the history, obviously, better than I do.

Florence

Rehab made a huge difference for my AH. It was his turning point between playing around at recovery, and actually making a go of it.

It was not a cure-all or a shield against relapses, but it did help.

Redheadsusie

So sorry to read this - I was hoping things were going super well! Please take care of yourself - I would let him do the calling too. This had to be his thing and he needs his consequences. Here to listen .............Hugs -

firebolt

So sorry to hear that. They really know how to administer a kick to the nits when things are going so well. Thinking of you....and I agree with everyone else - take care of yourself - and *try to let him fend foe himself. xoxo

Tuffgirl

I am sorry, BoxinRotz. I wish I had something more helpful to share. But I will say a prayer that he finds his way sooner rather than later. Take good care!

dollydo

I too am sorry, rehab never helped my ex, infact nothing has. Hopefully, your husband will find his way!

BoxinRotz

He did rehab n was sober for 20 years. He has sobered up for 8 months before and almost 2 months. He can do it, I've seen him do it before. He is just full of excuses to drink instead of not drinking! After the last few binges, he would say, I felt this bottle would be different. It's never different.

If he won't do rehab (he never called or did taxes with me) he's going to have to pay for counseling each week or seek an AA Meeting. I know this cycle is just ruining our marriage.