Tiffany8

So I have lost trust from my boyfriend (who was my fiance, but I effed that all up) after several years of my drinking and lying to try to cover it up. I am now at the point where I AM finally sober, about 2 months. But my mood swings, maybe from the recovery, but most likely just me, don't exactly mesh with his anger and growing indifference for me. I've considered that I may be slightly bipolar, as my alcoholic/addict mother also is. My boyfriend took me back time and time again, and as soon as I felt I was "out of the woods" I would screw it all back up by drinking and lying. Well, now he is staying with me but after years of lying he has built up a lot of anger and resentment towards me, which I end up lashing out about, causing him more anger and resentment towards me. And the cycle continues...in any case I don't really know how to bring him back to a place where he and I can start to regain some happiness for ourselves and each other. I am very serious about staying sober, I even quit my job because it was triggering me to drink. Sorry to ramble, I guess my question is how do I start to make up for all of my mistakes and getting back to a place where he can start to let go of some of his resentment. I know trust is far on the horizon, but I want to at least find a way to show him I love him and will be a better person for him and our child.

BTW, Happy Valentines Day...damn that's depressing and a little ironic, huh?

doggonecarl

I think your relationship hinges on you staying sober. So I think as long as you maintain your recovery there's a chance. He needs to see you are in recovery...not just saying it. So that's what I think is the start...staying sober.

Tiffany8

@DoggoneCarl...I completely agree with that, if I don't stay sober my relationship is done. I'm just in that limbo of trying to show him it's not just words "this time" and I'm looking to jump start the process. Of course I should know better, knowing that it takes little time to break trust and lots of time to build it. I really just struggle with his anger and resentment, and I wish I knew how to rekindle some of the good feelings we both shared in the beginning of our relationship.

doggonecarl

I wish I could offer you a more practical suggestion than stay sober. I think if you remain serene in the face of his anger and resentment it will help. Maybe not as quickly as you'd like. But if it was me, I think I'd get tired of gunny-sacking around a lot of resentment if it wasn't going to produce any reaction from you.

Then as opportunities present themselves, you can do small gestures to show how you feel about him. A poem, see a movie that evokes those good times, something.

Good luck.

Nonsensical

Seems like it took several years to get to this place. Getting out of this place in several weeks is probably not realistic.

I'm just an outsider looking in, but it seems completely reasonable that he would want to see that you've become sober and stable before committing to anything.

We drunks love immediate gratification, but sometimes all you can do is wait.

Best of luck!