Day 1
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Utah
Posts: 7
Day 1
Today is my first day of accepting I was an addict and continuing sobriety. I always hear people talking about repressed memories and thinking to myself that they are just making excuses for not admitting their mistakes. I had a huge eye opener yesterday. I have been dealing with my mother's alcoholism my entire 21 years of existence. Yesterday, I was talking to my sister who reminded me of my own addiction problems that started 4 years ago. The memories then flooded back into my mind of the many times I would've taken any pill just to get high. When I got pregnant with my son, who is now 2, I quit everything: alcohol, weed, and pills. In my mind, I have rationalized my life and thought that was when I got sober. However, the more I think, the more I remember. I was taking pills 6 months after my son was born. I was back to drinking and smoking. An even more overwhelming memory that I had was that I popped two pills 8 months ago...
I guess in my mind I had told myself that since it wasn't a daily ritual anymore, that those relapses don't count. Shoot, before yesterday I wouldn't have even called them relapses. My mind, even right now, is trying to say that I wasn't addicted and that it was just teenage experimentation. When I recall those years though, all I see is the habit that I formed. It became normal to me. I found God and was baptized almost two years ago. My faith keeps me going but sometimes it is still not enough. It may not be a daily issue but I want to prevent anything from happening again because seeing my mom's addiction has made me realize that I can't "have just one." I feel kind of silly because others have been struggling for years and years and I don't want to be judged. My mother thinks I am starting more drama for myself and over exaggerating. I found an NA meeting for tonight.. I want to go, but I am not sure...
I guess in my mind I had told myself that since it wasn't a daily ritual anymore, that those relapses don't count. Shoot, before yesterday I wouldn't have even called them relapses. My mind, even right now, is trying to say that I wasn't addicted and that it was just teenage experimentation. When I recall those years though, all I see is the habit that I formed. It became normal to me. I found God and was baptized almost two years ago. My faith keeps me going but sometimes it is still not enough. It may not be a daily issue but I want to prevent anything from happening again because seeing my mom's addiction has made me realize that I can't "have just one." I feel kind of silly because others have been struggling for years and years and I don't want to be judged. My mother thinks I am starting more drama for myself and over exaggerating. I found an NA meeting for tonight.. I want to go, but I am not sure...
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